


Candid

by automatic_badgirl



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 2008 United States Presidential Election, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Photographer, Alternate Universe - Politics, Bad Decisions, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fencing, Flash Forward, Flashbacks, Gen, I got help with the moodboard yay!, I promise there will be porny bits, I wish I knew how to make a pretty moodboard, Implied Slash, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Politics, Private School, Prom, Rated Teen at the Beginning, Rave, School Reunion, Slow Build, Slow Burn, United States
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-03-17 14:42:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 42,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18967318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/automatic_badgirl/pseuds/automatic_badgirl
Summary: Rey ignored the envelope when it first arrived. Who wants to go to their high school reunion? Especially if Ben was going to be there.Moodboard gifted by monsterleadmehome





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Lunalore, because she is kind, encouraging, and mostly responsible for this whole mess.

 

Rey wiped the steam from the mirror. _Hotels don’t really do their guests any favours do they?_ she thought, regarding herself critically in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the bathroom. Her eyes roamed over body, her pale flesh seemed sickly white against her black bra and panty set.  _You could have used the money you spent on that to treat yourself to a vacation in the sun somewhere, it’s not like anyone will see…._

“Everybody deserves nice lingerie.” she said. Her voice echoed strangely against the tile. She frowned slightly and bent over and vigorously towel dried her hair. She turned to the bed in the suite; laying upon the coverlet was a neatly zipped dress bag labelled discreetly with a designer logo. She unzipped and slid out the dress, the cost of which had made her credit card squawk in indignation. Black but anything but basic fabric slithered silkily against her legs as she stepped carefully into the dress.

_Dumb this is dumb he won’t even be there...too busy playing politics._

She zipped herself up and turned to the mirrored doors of the closet. _Much better_ she thought. The subdued mellow lighting in the suite was much more flattering than the bathroom lighting. Even without her hair and makeup finished she looked more like the kinds of women one saw on the pages of gossip magazines. The dress fell just above the knee, expertly tailored and hugged her figure in all the right ways.

_I guess you do get what you pay for...which is going to be something you’ll be regretting when he won’t turn up...why are you even bothering to impress him…or any of those people._

Rey firmly quashed the nagging doubts. She’d need a steady hand if she was going to master the perfect smokey eye.

***

Stepping into her heels, she cast an eye over at her camera equipment. She’d pitched the whole idea of the trip to her agent as a chance to capture the fall colours in Maine. Really, as soon as she’d received the invitation she knew deep down she would be going back. _Maybe I should...no, it’s not like people won’t have cameras and anyway. It’s a reunion. People go to catch up with old friends._ She left the camera sitting on the nightstand. She did pick up the invitation however, glancing at it one more time to confirm the time and location even though she knew it by heart now.

 

_Coruscant Academy Class of 1998_

_Cordially invites you to the 10 Year Reunion_

_October 4th 6-11 pm_

_Join us for an evening of dinner, dancing and memories!_

 

Rey snorted. “Some memories…” She wondered how many of the freaks and geeks she hung out with would be there. Rose would for sure. She was the one who managed to track Rey down through her agent. Rey had never gotten around to setting up a webpage or any social media presence, she preferred to stay under the radar. Rose was persistent though. She’d told Rey she’d seen her photo essay on the tornado aftermath in Kansas in a magazine and emailed her agent. Rey had been surprised to receive the forwarded invitation, slightly battered and grimy at her apartment in New York. She’d chucked it without opening it into a pile of mail she thought of as the “ _one day I’ll really get my shit organized”_ bin. She hadn’t thrown it out, however.  

One night, depressed at her inability to get the required security clearances to imbed with the security forces in Basra in time and with more than a little Pinot Grigio in her veins she’d opened the invite and drunkenly RSVP’d and emailed Rose in one fell swoop.

Rose had been _delighted_ , emailing back with a eager quickness.

_OMG! I am so glad you got the invite! And agreed to come!!! I can’t wait to catch up!! No one knew how to get ahold of you, it was like you’d dropped off the planet!!!_

Personally, Rey had thought the exclamation marks were a bit much but she could picture Rose’s happy expression and almost hear her voice.

Yeah. Catching up with friends. Good times. So why had she surprised her agent with this bullshit “Capture the Spirit of Fall” assignment and spent waaaay too much money heading back to Maine? It wasn’t like Uncle Luke even lived there anymore. After Rey left for college he’d retired to sunny California and still occasionally taught Ethics and Comparative religion at the local community college.

“You girl. You are a prize idiot.” she told herself as she slicked on a layer of gloss and gave herself a once over in the mirror. “But damn if you don’t look _good_.”

Stuffing the invitation into her purse she decided on one drink to steady her nerves at the hotel bar before she called the cab that would take her to the country club where the reunion was being held.

_Relax. He_ definitely _won’t be there. It’s election season and he’s too busy being Ben Solo political fixer extraordinaire…and it’s not like he’d even…_

What. What exactly would he do? Considering how things were left between them.

The silent snick of the hotel door latching behind her was the only reply.

***


	2. Chapter 2

Rey stepped out of the cab and gazed up the driveway towards the country club. Ten years ago she’d been there once, with Ben. Now, like then, muffled thumps of bass and flashing lights pulsed through the windows. Taking a deep breath she strode carefully towards the door flipping open her phone as she did so. She quickly dialled.

“I’m here.”

Rose’s voice sounded happy and a little...drunk?

“Yay! I knew you’d come! I told Poe you would.” Her voice drifted away from the phone. “Yes, she did so come! You owe me 20 bucks.” Her voice grew clear again. “I bet Poe you would show up. He owes me money which I will gladly spend on alcohol for you and me, not him.”

Despite herself Rey grinned as she heard a familiar male voice protest in the background. Poe Dameron, she would be glad to see him too.

“Did Finn come?”

Rose’s voice quieted a bit. “No, he’s still in Iraq helping with the handover.” She brightened. “But he says Hello! He even sent some photos and I was able to Skype with him last month. He asked about you...”

Rey carefully avoided that landmine. Hurting and angry, after Ben left for college she’d quickly fallen into and just as quickly out of a relationship with Finn. She regretted how she’d handled things but the past was the past.

_So why are you digging yours up, huh?_

She bit back what she really wanted to ask, she’d know soon enough. “I’m at the door, meet you there.”

***

Rey hovered in the lobby of the country club. She could hear the sound of music and laughter from a banquet hall further on. She was fidgeting with her phone again when she heard a happy peal of her name. Rose hadn’t changed. Well ten years of time had made their mark but she still had the same grin and her hug still felt as warm. Rey was surprised to feel a spark of tears start in her eyes.

“Rey! You look gorgeous! You haven’t changed.”

“You too.”

Rose blushed and dipped her chin. “I’m so glad to see you--”

“Yeah, we weren’t sure Ms. Big Shot Photojournalist would bother with a stupid high school reunion.” Poe Dameron grinned at her. “C’mere, bring it in, hugs for your old friend Poe.”

Rey gladly embraced him. Poe had definitely changed. He’d been skinny and gawky as a teen but the man hugging her now was fit and muscular with a trendy scruff of beard.

She stepped back and her expression must have been a giveaway. Poe said,

“The Air Force does a body good. But despite what the other branches say about us, "Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is still a thing. So I did my stint and have embraced the civilian life now. Delta doesn’t care _who_ I do after hours when I fly for them.”

Impulsively, Rey clutched their hands. “I really am glad to see you...I--I missed you.” She was a little surprised at how much, actually. Under the radar life can be hassle-free but awfully lonely.

“Ok!” Poe clapped his hands together. “I lost a bet and I’m no welcher. So please allow me to get you two gorgeous ladies drunk.”  He linked arms with both women and led them into the noise and energy of the hall.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey fell into deja-vu as Poe led her and Rose through the darkened room. Weaving through tables and crowds of people towards the bar. She’d see someone, an anonymous stranger, then the lens of time would sharpen and a surge of recognition would flood her brain. It was weird and a little off-putting.

_Isn’t that? Holy shit? It is? Wow, they’re so bald!...Do I know her? Oh my god. She was in jazz band. Damn! She’s smoking hot, who would’ve guessed...Ugh, That. guy. What a prick. Some people never change._

Based on the lifted eyebrows and flashes of awareness she saw on some of the faces Rey imagined they were feeling pretty much the same things about her. Poe leaned over, raising his voice to be heard over the chatter and the music and said,

“Kind of a mind fuck right? We all thought we were so grown. Well...all teenagers can be assholes.” A loud brawny jock-type bellowed and grabbed a young woman who squealed in mock protest as he twirled her in the air. Poe frowned. “Some of us, never grew out of that…wine ok for you or something stronger?”

“Let’s get Appletinis for old times sake, Rey!” Rose yelled.

Rey felt a wholly unexpected memory of vomiting green sludge into bushes after a house party worm into her mind. “How about just a regular one. I have some bad flashbacks to Appletinis.”

“Speaking of assholes....have you seen him yet? Last I saw he was holding court on the patio, probably talking all the former Future Fascists of America Douches into donating to Senator Snoke’s reelection campaign.”

Rey choked on her martini. “Him? Him who?” she lied.

Poe stared at her in disdain. “Ben Solo. Surely, you remember that guy?” Rose caught her eye and interrupted.

“Rey doesn’t care about him. She’s too busy travelling the world to worry about small town political hacks.”

“I’d hardly call someone I saw on MSNBC just last night a small town ha--”

“No. I didn’t see him. Anyway. I don’t care. I’m here to see you two. Not some old high school flame.” She gulped down her martini. “C’mon let’s dance!” she grabbed their hands and led them to the packed dance floor.

***

The DJ--Rey recognized him as one of the former good-time guys who was always present at one party or another--was doing a pretty decent job of spinning a mix of old school 90’s jams and more recent top 40 hits. She gave herself to the energy of the crowd.

_God, when was the last time I danced. To anything?_

Still there was a part of her mind focused on the patio. Despite the cool fall weather, the doors were opened and people were filtering in and out, to smoke, to cool down, to find a quieter place to talk.

_He came. He really came. What the fuck do I do now?_

She tried to push down the swell of excitement and nerves in her belly and shut her eyes, determined to lose herself in the song.

_He’s probably married or has a girlfriend, those types always do, some perfect Washington Wifey…_

Rose and Poe were joking and laughing, shouting over the music. Rey couldn’t really hear and just nodded and smiled, too focused on the pull from the patio, from him.

Giddily, Rose leaned into her. “Oh remember this song? We were at that rave? Remember that?” She shook her head and grinned.

“I think our days of going to raves are over.” Rey answered. “Besides, it was only the one time.”

“That’s what you think, you didn’t know me at college.” Rose answered archly.

“Why Rose Tico, you party animal!”

“Holy Shit! Look! Remember him?” Rose pointed surreptitiously. Rey felt a beat of all consuming panic. She spun to see, was it…?

Grinding against a rather bored looking blonde was a fairly sweaty looking redhead. His hands drifted down to cup her bum. Annoyed, she yanked his hands up to her waist.

“Armitage Hux…” Rose pretended to puke. “If anyone deserved to be sent to jail for insider trading it was that dick.”

Rey snuck a glance at him. He hadn’t changed much from the boy she met on her first day at Coruscant Academy. Hairline had receded a tad, few more lines, but the smug expression of superiority was still the same.

Rose must have misinterpreted her look. “Oh they wanted to give him some serious time but he weaseled his way into a plea deal. I’m surprised he even came.”

“Can’t keep some cockroaches away.” Rey said.

Poe butted in. “Alright party people, I’m spent. I haven’t danced in ages, I’m taking a break. But I call dibs on the first slow dance with you Rose and you too, Rey.” He made his way through the surging bodies to the tables surrounding the dance floor.

“I...I think I’m a bit overheated. I’m going to take some air.”

Rose shrugged. “If you want. But--”

“What?”

“Some people never change.” she nodded at Hux, still groping his unfortunate companion.

“Don’t worry. I’m over it.”

Rose pointed at a table. “I’ll be over there with Poe if you need me.” She turned and threaded through the people. Rey soon lost her in the swirling lights and darkness. She had a sudden memory of another time. Another dance floor. Watching Rose leave.

_Last chance girl. You can follow her…don’t make the same mistake as before._

Rey turned her back and began making her way towards the open doors. Right or wrong, seeing him was the reason she came in the first place. The inevitability of it all was surprising but now that she was able to admit it to herself she felt at peace.

 


	4. Chapter 4

As she stepped onto the patio the chill night air felt refreshing against her bare arms and legs.   _ I hope I’m not all sweaty and gross… _

She went to go duck back inside to slip into the washroom to check her appearance but a burst of laughter from a group gathered at the end around a patio table caught her attention. 

Rey watched as Ben Solo leaned back on the low wall surrounding the patio and took a swig of his beer. His tie was tugged down but otherwise he was impeccably dressed in a dark power suit, his white shirt stood out under the soft illumination of the fairy lights strung over the patio. His hair was still longer than was usual but tidier now, groomed and gelled no doubt by some image consultant into a socially acceptable version of a bad boy hairstyle.  _ Wouldn’t want to frighten the midwestern ladies clubs but just edgy enough to be sexy  _ Rey thought. 

She was surprised at the flood of heat to her belly. She took a step back and that was when he looked over and saw her. 

She saw recognition spark in his dark eyes. Nervously, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She was pinned in place, staring into his eyes. She smiled shyly. 

One of the hangers on, a small stocky man in a suit asked Ben a question. He never dropped his eyes from Rey’s but nodded distractedly. Then he put his beer down on the patio table and maneuvered through the gathered people towards her. 

_ Don’t be stupid don’t act stupid you’ve photographed war crimes for fuck’s sake you can handle saying hello to him... _ She thought distantly. She straightened up and fixed a broad smile as he approached. She went to shake his hand, her hello died in her throat as he grabbed her hand in both of his. 

“You came. I didn’t think you would but you did.”

_ Wasn’t that just like Ben. Straightforward and to the point as always, full speed ahead and fuck the social niceties.  _ It was one of the traits was made him so good as a pundit and made talking to him at times feel like a boxing match where one was hopelessly outclassed.

“Yes. I--Rose invited. Well she sent me the invite in the mail.” 

_ Oh very nice. You don’t sound like an idiot at allllll.  _

Rey tried again.  

“It’s good to see you. How are things?” She realized that he was still holding onto her hand. She could feel her cheeks flush and hoped the dim lighting would hide it. 

“I’m good....I’m glad you came. I hoped you would...” 

Rey had forgotten his intensity, the feeling like you were the only person in the universe when he looked at you. She gently slipped her hand free and tried to regroup. In her most secret imaginings she was the one who was making  _ him  _ feel nervous. She was breezy and effortlessly sexy in her mind, armoured with sophistication and ennui. She’d lost the art of existing under all that earnest regard.  She glanced over at the table, some of the finance bros were looking over, questioning the loss of the object of their adoration. 

Ben never broke eye contact. 

“I wasn’t going to. Not originally.” He always had the ability to drag the truth from her.  “But an assignment overseas fell through. I’m a photographer.” 

“I know. I’ve followed your career with interest. The series about Darfur was powerful stuff.” 

It didn’t sound like empty flattery. Not when he was looking at her like that. Once again, Rey felt the odd sense of deja vu, of time peeling back the layers. 

“Thanks. I see you on TV sometimes. I’m surprised you managed to slip away considering. The election is only a month away…” 

He nodded, dismissing her awareness about him and his life. 

“I came because I wanted see you. I’ve missed you, Rey.” He reached out to brush a loose strand of hair off of her forehead. 

Rey felt unmoored. Feelings bubbled up too fast and fierce to be examined. Her skin was acutely aware of the heat of his fingers, she felt her nipples harden in response. She swallowed but before she could begin to respond he slipped a hand around her arm and tugged her gently towards the lush grounds of the country club. 

“Let’s go somewhere quiet to catch up. I think there’s some benches or something over by the fountain.” He gestured vaguely.  

She nodded and allowed herself to be led off into the dark. 


	5. Chapter 5

The late August sunlight threw bars of heat across Rey’s face as the old truck rattled and bounced down the tree lined gravel lane heading toward Coruscant Academy. She leaned her head against the window and smoothed her slightly sweaty hands over her uniform skirt.

“Nervous, kid?” Uncle Luke looked over at her, “Senior year, new school, big changes for you, Miss Class of 1998.”

“Not really.” she said and swallowed the anxiety down. This really was the right decision. One she wouldn’t have even made if Luke hadn’t found the acceptance letter in the trash. She’d only applied to shut up a pestering guidance counselor. She never thought she’d get in and _definitely_ never thought Uncle Luke would upend their life in Arizona to move to Camden, Maine so she could attend the famously exclusive Coruscant Academy.

Luke wasn’t even her real Uncle, she had no idea who her real parents were, but he insisted on the Uncle right from day one even though the lady from Child Protective Services had disapproved. But much like his insistence on making her his ward or finding a teaching job at the community college the next town over and moving Rey all the way up to New England, Luke famously “didn’t give a sweet fiddly-fuck” about obstacles.

“You’ll do fine. And fuck those rich assholes if they can’t see what a genius you are.” He grinned. “Fight the power! My girl is going to be a rocket scientist! Girl Power right? That’s what the Spice Girls say isn’t it?”

Rey rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress a giggle.

“Nobody listens to the Spice Girls anymore. Well nobody cool. Just kids.”

“I listen and I’m cool. At least my students all tell me I am.”

“That’s because you grade on the curve and only assign one essay. Any college student would think that’s cool.”

“Wisdom isn’t just about what you can write on a paper, Rey.”

Rey nodded but didn’t answer. They were here.

The trees lining the drive fell back to reveal a small collection of Federal style red brick buildings spread over green lawns, winding paths and tasteful restrained flowerbeds, surrounded by an honest to goodness wrought iron fence. Coruscant Academy. The list of graduates from here had gone on to fame and fortune in all walks of life, usually all who applied were accepted to the Ivy League of their choice if Coruscant was on their diploma. It was all old money, New England, Yankee charm and Rey felt perspiration prickle under her arms. This was a far cry from her huge anonymous high school in Sedona.

“Want me to come in with you?”

“No, I’m ok. Thanks for the lift.” Rey grabbed her backpack and slid out of the truck.

“I’ll pick you up at 4:00. Kick ass, kid.”

She straightened her uniform and watched as the truck rolled away. Hoisting her backpack over one shoulder Rey headed towards the main building for her ‘orientation tour’.

***

Most kids who went to Coruscant had been attending since their freshman year but every year a few students transferred in from other schools. The literature Rey had read from the school claimed that the “diversity and wide ranging social background of all our students enhanced the learning experience and strengthened the ties between pupils”

Luke had said, “Translation: We’re rich white assholes who don’t want to look like racists” Rey wondered again at his insistence at moving here so she could attend. She was grateful, but part of her knew Uncle Luke was notoriously against “the system” as he called it. She was mulling this over when part of her awareness suddenly clued in to the stares and whispers of the other students around her.

She looked around. No one was wearing the Coruscant Uniform. The grey and burgundy plaid skirt, wool blazer, burgundy tie with the embroidered school crest and other bits and pieces had all been purchased in town just last week. The store had an exclusive deal, supplying all the students of Coruscant Academy. But no one else was in uniform. Rey overheard a giggle.

“Looks like another noob...”

Rey ducked her head and scurried into the main building, face flaming. _Why is no one in uniform?_

_***_

“Ah you must be...Rey Walker?” The redheaded youth in front of her holding the clipboard held out a hand to shake. “I’m Armitage Hux.” The look on his face indicated that Rey should know who this was and be suitably impressed.

“Uh...hi.” Rey shook his hand limply. Armitage couldn’t quite hide the sneer.

“Oh dear, did we forget to tell you about Zero Day?

Rey hooked a thumb over her shoulder and pointed outside. “Is that why I’m the only one in uniform?” She had the distinct impression this Hux dude deliberately forgot to tell her.

He smirked, “Yes. It’s kind a thing here at Coruscant. Zero Day we kind of let our hair down and dress like civilians.”

 _Is this guy for fucking real?_ Hux was wearing what could kindly be referred to as ‘dad khakis’ and a red polo with a popped collar. Rey even thought the little horsie on his chest was snickering at her. _If this is letting his hair down, this asshole must be a blast at the Young Republican Mixers…_

She felt his eyes crawling along her exposed legs and tugged at the hem of her skirt. He didn’t even have the grace to look embarrassed.

“Oh well. Next year, oh wait--you're a senior? Such a shame. Looks like you’ll be in uniform for the rest of the day.” His eyes lingered on her chest.

Rey tamped down the knot of anger in her chest and resolved to make sure she walked behind this guy as much as possible. _Fucking creep._

“So the tour…?” she prompted.

“Right, let’s get cracking shall we.” Hux turned and held the door open for her to pass through, gaze returning to her legs once more.

Rey made sure her backpack swung into him, hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nostalgia Ahoy!  
> Thank you to all the lovely readers and fans. The Reylo fandom is delightful.


	6. Chapter 6

By the sixth or seventh building--Rey had lost count--she’d managed to mostly tune out Hux’s canned spiel only nodding and murmuring an appreciative noise when it seemed like one was called for. The day had turned out beautiful. A true New England late summer day. The sky was a high, hard blue and Rey thought she could smell the ocean. Her stomach rumbled; she’d been too nervous to eat breakfast.

“So like, is there a cafeteria for lunch or...?”

Hux stopped short. “Cafeteria?” He shook his head amused. “No-no, most students eat their lunch in the quadrangle on days like today. When the weather’s poor we eat in the Atrium.” 

Rey caught the capital A in his voice.  _ Ooo the quaaaaadrangle or the Aaaaaatriuuum... _ she imagined telling Uncle Luke about this later, mocking Hux’s rounded vowels.

“Which way? Lead on, McDuff. I’m a real bitch when my blood sugar gets low. ” Rey stood with a leg cocked out, hands on hips. Waiting. She was tired of being paraded around.

Flustered, clearly not finished with his tour, Armitage Hux nevertheless obeyed.

***

She saw him right away. 

The quadrangle was actually more of a rough hexagon. Buildings flanked it on all sides and columned breezeways led into it. There were a scattering of tables and low stone benches. A fountain gushed and burbled merrily in the late summer sunlight. Small shade trees were dotted in clumps here and there. Someone’s boombox could be faintly heard playing. Rey recognized the Smashing Pumpkins. Some kids were playing hacky-sack and Rey heard, “Sweet move, Tyler!” and happy laughter.

The boy was lounging underneath a tree. A few other students sat chatting nearby but he was engrossed in his book. Rey could see a slice of tanned stomach when his tee-shirt rode up as he lazily reached over to snag a can of soda. His hair was long and tumbled over his forehead. His face was all planes and angles, nose too big, large ears, ridiculous goatee. It shouldn’t have worked. But somehow it did. Rey caught herself staring.

He must have sensed her gaze. He looked up. Deep brown eyes locked onto hers. Rey was suddenly conscious of her appearance. She stood out in her uniform. She felt all wrong, wrong clothes, wrong hair, wrong attitude, wrong life.  _ What am I doing here? _

She looked away, frantic eyes settling on a nearby open table. She dug into her backpack for her lunch. Nervously, she nibbled on an apple. Hux still flitted around, finally sitting next to her. She caught him leering at her exposed thighs so she swung around and tucked her legs under the table. That faced her towards the boy again. She peeked at him. He was still looking over at her. Rey wanted to sink down into the earth and disappear.

Hux leaned into her. “Over there is most of the senior class, some of course haven’t returned from their summer homes but more will trickle in as the week progresses.”

_ Of course they have summer homes. Natch.  _ Rey rolled her eyes. The most she ever had was a summer tent. The boy caught the exchange and smiled. His whole face was transformed. It was astonishing how expressive he could be. She felt her eyes drawn to his again. Rey shook herself and concentrated on her apple. 

_ Get the diploma and get out. Luke moved us here for a reason. No time for boys or… _

_ Friends?  _ The apple stuck in her throat and Rey fought off a crushing wave of sadness and homesickness. Normally, she’d be at the mall after school with her friends in Sedona, checking out Delia’s and browsing through the CD’s in Sam Goody’s. Giggling over summer gossip and who was dating who.  _  Not here in some stick up the ass private school in Maine… _

“Um...Listen, this has been great. Just a really cool tour. But I’m going to bounce. Might swing by the library and start my summer reading that I’m like super late on so...thanks.”

Hux--she couldn’t bring herself to think of him as  _ Armitage _ \--looked surprised.

“But I thought we would--”

“Thanks again but…” She stood and started backing away. “Reading!” She pointed at where she thought the library was. 

She fled before he could say anything else.


	7. Chapter 7

Under the cool of the breezeway Rey pulled out her Discman and flipped through the few CD’s she’d stashed in her bag. Her fingers lingered over the burned CD her friends had made for her. The sharpied marker scrawled on the front read: “Rey’s BBF Mix”, hearts and X’s and O’s decorated the rest. Once again her throat grew tight with unshed tears. 

_ Better not. I’ll be bawling my eyes out. Go for grrlpower. Alanis it is.  _

She was slotting the CD into the player when someone stumbled over her, the disc skittered along the concrete pathway. 

“Oh shit. My bad!” A shadow stooped and snagged the disk. “I don’t think it’s scratched.” 

The figure moved deeper into the breezeway and Rey saw a handsome black kid. Also in full Coruscant uniform. 

She took the disc. “Let me guess, no one told you about Zero Day.”

He brightened. “Yeah! What’s up with that? I feel hella conspicuous.” 

“I think it’s their way of ‘pranking the newbies’” She made the fingerquotes. 

“Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one. The name’s Finn. Well my mom calls me Charles but please don’t call me that as it’s super lame.” He stuck out his hand. Smiling, Rey shook it, Finn was hard to dislike but even a slime mould would have been better company after Hux. 

“I’m Rey. Rey Walker.” 

“Alanis Morrisette huh? Respect. Down with the Girl Power, Lilith Tour thing. But she can’t hold a candle to my girl Toni Braxon.”  

“She’s ok.” Rey admitted.

“O.K?” Finn yelped. “”Woman, Toni B can sing Alanis under the table and she’s fiiiiiine to boot.” 

Rey couldn’t help but smile. Finn had such an easy way about him. The tight feeling in her chest eased a little. 

“I was going to head to the library. Do you know where it is?”

“Oh yeah, I got a map in here somewhere.” Finn dug through his messenger bag. “So Rey Walker. What brings you to Coruscant? Me? My mom wants me to go to Harvard. When I got accepted she cried and thanked Jesus.”

“I’m not totally sure. I think maybe engineering? MIT? We just moved here from Arizona. My Uncle and me. It’s a bit…..” 

“Overwhelming?”

“Yeah!”

“Snooty?”

“Totally!” 

“I feel like I’m in a movie, you know like  _ The Craft?”  _  Finn shuddered in pretend terror. “Anyway I’m glad I ran into you, literally.” 

Rey smiled and nodded,  _ he gets it...feeling weird and alone _

“OK. The library is uh...this way.” Finn pointed and they set out together. 

***

The next few days passed in a blur of lectures, homework assignments, and trying to find her way across campus. Luckily, Finn also a senior and was in some of her classes. As well, Rey was assigned a seat beside a girl in her English class who was friendly and helpful. 

“Here.” The girl slid her book over to Rey’s desk and shared when she saw Rey rummaging frantically in her backpack. Rey had never felt so disorganized and overwhelmed; there was a lot more expected of her here. She was used to being able to breeze through most of her classes in Arizona. “I’m Rose.” She whispered as the teacher stood up and started lecturing about symbolism in Hawthorne’s  _ Scarlet Letter. _

“Rey” she whispered back. 

“Cool name!"

Rose smiled. She was a petite Asian girl with dark hair cut into a shag. She also had a tiny nose piercing, a single gold stud. Rey was surprised because most of the student body dressed faily conservatively.  A black choker peeked through the neckline of her blouse where the tie wasn’t knotted firmly. Rey decided she liked this girl. She wasn’t afraid to be different. 

Arching over all was her awareness of the boy from the Quadrangle. She hadn’t had any classes with him yet but she always noticed whenever he was in the halls, even with the entire student body now in uniform--partly it was his height. He dwarfed some of the other kids and moved with the easy self assurance of a senior amongst the scurrying freshmen. 

Her first class with him wasn’t until the following day. Rey was pleased to be early to History and Political Science. She had found her seat before the bell when he entered and strolled casually to a seat in the back corner, completely ignoring the seating chart. The teacher greeted him warmly, it was evident he was a favourite student.  

“Ben! How was your summer? How was the state capitol internship?” 

Rey felt heat rush up her back, she didn’t turn to watch the conversation but was hyperfocused on what Ben  _ his name is BEN! _ was saying. 

“Pretty good. My mom was happy.” 

His voice was deep and made him seem older than he was. The sound of it curled into Rey’s ears like velvet. 

_ Ugh. You are so laaaame girl. No crushing on boys. I forbid it.  _

She wondered if he could hear the pounding of her heart. She thought the whole class could. She slouched lower in her seat and completely blanked on the entire class. Her entire being pulled like a magnet to the back corner. When the bell rang she practically sprinted to her next class; praying he wouldn’t recognize her as the strange new girl who stared at him on Day Zero. 


	8. Chapter 8

The next week was a bit easier. Rey adjusted to life at Coruscant Academy. She and Rose and Finn had the same lunch period so they met up in the quadrangle. They’d checked out the Atrium. It was more like a food court from a fancy mall. No cafeteria steam tables for the best and brightest of Coruscant. Mini-food stands specializing in different cuisines circled a large central space filled with tables. There was a raised platform at one end for presentations. They decided they preferred the sunshine outside instead. 

So did Ben apparently. 

Rey had doggedly collected up all the information she could by eavesdropping on conversations and casual questions. She knew she should be embarrassed by her obsession but that never dampened her interest whenever he was the subject of discussion. 

He was from Camden and his mom Leia _ (kept the maiden name like Hillary) _ Organa-Solo  used to be a State House Representative, now she was semi-retired and involved in town politics. She was also on the Board of Governors at Coruscant Academy. His dad Han ( _ short for Hannibal?)  _ was in import/export and travelled a lot, evidently. 

He was likely headed to Georgetown and some kind of political career. He hung out with a loose group of popular seniors but often spent most of his free time reading one book or another. He seemed to be a bit of a loner but most kids liked him, even odious tools like Hux, and, as far as she could tell, was single. 

She told herself she didn’t care. She was here for just the year. But she turned these facts over in her head until they glittered with possibility like polished stones. 

“Rey, Earth to Rey…” Rose waved a hand in front of her eyes

“Huh? What?”

Rose shot Finn a look. “If you could pry your mind off of certain  _ individuals _ I asked if you’ve picked your sport extracurricular yet?”  She waved her hand at the stand of trees where Ben was sitting with his friends.

“No! What? I was just--I was thinking about homework. For...calculus…things”

“Riiiiiiiiight.” Finn drawled. “Got a little drool...right there.” He pretended to point to the lapel of her blazer.

_ So much for subtlety girl. Here you thought you were sooooo sneaky. _

Rey hoped her face wasn’t too red. “Sport. Yeah. No I haven’t quite decided yet. How about you guys?”

Rose flopped dramatically onto the picnic table, “Uuuuuggggh! No. Why can’t I just take another English class instead? I know Coruscant is all about ‘sound body, sound mind’ and whatever but I totally could be taking Victorian Writers this semester.”

“I think it’s cool we get to pick. In Chicago, at my old school there wasn’t a lot of options.” Finn ticked the possibilities off on his fingers. “You had track, football and basketball...Which are ok but I think I want to try volleyball! It looks like so much fun, chilling on a beach with some bikini babes.” He mimed spiking a ball. 

Rose looked up at him, “You know there’s not sand on the court here right? And definitely no bikini babes.” 

“True, but I can get all  _ good  _ and shit...then impress the babes on the beach next summer.” 

“...ok...now who’s drooling?” 

Finn laughed. 

Rey was glad they got along as well as they did. Rose was bookish and driven while Finn talked a big game and didn’t want to sweat the details but their opposite natures somehow fit together. Their gentle teasing and joking had smoothed over a lot of the rough edges of her loneliness.

“How about it, Rey? Want to join volleyball with me?” 

“Mmm, Maybe. I’m not really into team sports.I did do Aikido though, after school. My friend Marie’s family owned a dojo and Uncle Luke thought it would be useful for me to know how to defend myself. I liked it, throwing people around and hitting them with sticks is surprisingly therapeutic. Do they have that?”

“Nope.” Rose said. “Otherwise, I’d take it. Maybe I could join the swim team….?”

“I thought you said there were no bikini babes here at Coruscant!” Finn pretended to be outraged. Rose pretended to punch him.

_ At least those two can flirt…. _ Rey looked over towards what she was starting to think of as Ben’s spot but he wasn’t there. She sighed and packed up the remnants of her lunch. 

***

The late afternoon sunlight was gilding the edges of buildings as Rey waited for her friends. She lifted her face to the warm breeze, there was just a touch of chill in the air. The trees were still green and lush but you could sense true autumn just around the corner. 

“Hey!” Finn jogged up followed by Rose. “Ready to go eat some ‘za?” 

“Definitely could do some damage to a pizza! I’ll get Rose to look over my essay while we review for Science.”

They were planning on catching the bus to Camden’s small downtown and hanging out for a few hours of homework over dinner. Suddenly, they caught the sound of a scuffle, feet scraping on pavement and sharp metallic cracks. 

They looked at each other.

“What--” Rey said.

“--a fight?” said Rose.

“Let’s go!” Finn took off. 

They hurried towards the noises down a path that wound through copses of trees to a small enclosed area surrounded by low boxwood hedges.

It was no ordinary fight. Rey couldn’t make sense of it at first. 

It was some kind of combat. Two figures were clad head to toe in white; thick padded jackets were topped by silvery mesh helmets that obscured their faces. They looked like robots as they moved in a rush back and forth striking one another with thin metal swords.. Scattered students stood watching while an older gruff-looking man made notes on a clipboard. 

Rey, Finn and Rose approached one of the kids who stood to the side watching.  He nodded hello.

“Yo, what’s up?” Finn asked the kid.

“Fencing try-outs. You interested?” 

“Fencing? Like sword fighting? With weapons? An actual school lets you do that shit?” Finn was impressed. 

“Well all the prep schools have the trustafarians playing golf and lacrosse and whatnot. If you want to be different you need a bloodsport to really stand out.” The kid--a slender Latino boy--smirked.

“You on the team?” Finn asked.

“God no. I just enjoy the the theatre of it all.” 

“Cool” There was a beat of awkward silence then Finn brightened.  “I’m Finn and that’s Rey and Rose.” He stuck out a hand to the boy. 

“Poe. Poe Dameron.” He rolled his eyes. “I know. I know. That’s what happens when your Mom is a professor of Early American Fiction at Sarah Lawrence. Well it’s Edgar Allen Poe Dameron but come the fuck on. No kid wants to be saddled with a name like that.” 

“Charles over there can relate.” Rose teased.

“Finn. Just Finn.” 

“What’s up.” They shook. “So thinking of trying out?”

Finn looked crestfallen. “I already picked Volleyball…”

“Smart move. Coach Canady is a sadistic dick.” 

He indicated the man with the clipboard. The two fencers had paused and he was talking animatedly to them. Finally, Coach Canady clapped the taller figure on the shoulder and they returned to the path they had been fighting on.  

“En Garde!” Canady barked. The two figures lifted the swords, poised. 

“Prêts?"

The masked figures nodded. 

“Allez!” 

There was a flurry of motion. The taller fighter lunged like a snake, striking quickly with the sword. The smaller figure retreated, leaping and swatting the blade out of his path. Then the action reversed and the tall figure slid and skipped backwards. The blades clashing and whipping through the air. 

Rey was transfixed. 

Just then the larger fighter dipped into a deep lunge, legs flexing low to the ground. He thrust up with his sword, the other fighter tried to parry but the blade struck him in the belly. 

“Touche!” Canady pointed at the taller figure. The fighting ceased and they rose, sliding off their helmets as they did so. 

Rey recognized the dark tumble of hair instantly. 

Ben flicked his sweaty bangs out of his face and paced back and forth shaking out his sword arm. It was like watching a tiger in a cage, all pent up energy and potential violence. 

Her breath caught in her throat. 

_ Yes. Oh Yes.  _

“I think I’m going to try out for fencing.” She heard herself saying, Backpack already sliding off her shoulder to thump to the ground. 

Ben finally stopped pacing, seeing her approach. She felt outside herself but somewhere deep inside--something woke up. 

“Can I try?” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Some bullying/hazing happens in this bit.

The little tucked away area was the outdoor fencing place... _ salle, Coach called it a salle _ . Rey recalled, as she hurriedly changed in the tiny equipment shed the fencing club used to store extra gear. The loaned protective gear was a bit ripe with the sweat of teenagers past, dingy and scuffed, no longer the pristine snowy white of Ben’s outfit but Rey hardly cared as she struggled into the unfamiliar knickers and zipped herself awkwardly into the heavy canvas jacket. 

Coach Canady had sized her up as she approached. 

“Name?”

“Rey...with a E”

Rey watched as he scrawled  _ Raye _ on his clipboard. No matter, she’d correct him later. She felt like she was floating as Coach Canady quickly ran down the basics and handed her the odds and ends she’d need to wear. 

“How tall are you?”

“5’7'"

He nodded curtly and thrust a jacket at her, explaining how to fasten it. Next he slid a couple different helmets over her head making sure they weren’t loose. She smiled as the face mask slid down, her blood hummed with excitement. For the first time since she arrived at Coruscant Academy she felt truly herself. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed the pure physical release of sparring, she had no idea if she would be any good but it was a relief to act. Finally to choose a course of action.

Ben being on the team was just an added bonus. 

She exited the shed, holding the mask awkwardly under her arm. Finn and Rose whistled and clapped and Poe gave her an ironic thumbs up. She knew she was grinning like a fool but she hardly cared. 

_ Let’s see if I can show these kids how we do things in Sedona.  _

Coach Canady nodded. “Alright…” he consulted his clipboard, “Rey. This is just a try-out so we’ll take it nice and easy. See if you have the potential.”

Rey nodded bouncing on her feet. Coach Canady briefly went over the stance and few basic moves. 

“We’ll start with the foil.” He handed her a slim metal blade with a blunt plastic tip. Canady had blackened the tip with black chalk like a pool cue, the chalk would make a mark on her opponent if Rey managed to make a hit. Rey thought about how grimy her jacket was compared to Ben’s clean white one. 

He motioned to the smaller student, the one who lost but Ben stepped forward, looking curiously at Rey.

“I’ll take her through the basics, Coach.”

“Big Ben! Alright!...Go gentle on the girl, she’s a virgin.” Canady smirked, pleased with his crude joke. Rey slid on her mask to cover her blush.

Ben never reacted. Just motioned towards the little narrow paved path.  

_ Piste that asshole coach called it a piste. Ok. girl. Breathe. Just like a bo staff. You got this. _

Rey tentatively waved the foil. It was light and flexible, cutting through the air with ease. 

_ So maybe not exactly like a bo but how hard can it be? _

Rey faced Ben and raised her foil, copying his salute. 

Ben stepped forward, sliding his foot out holding the foil straight out at shoulder level.  Rey advanced and swung her blade. Ben easily knocked it aside and went to strike her shoulder. Rey dodged and scooted backwards avoiding the touch. Her thighs were already starting to burn with the unfamiliar movements. Rey chopped the foil down trying to knock his blade aside but Ben seemed to barely twitch his wrist and her foil zinged as his blade slid up the length of hers and pushed it aside. She felt the firm poke of his foil in her sternum, even through the padding. It felt like a finger tapping on her chest. 

_ Alright, so *not* like the bo staff.  _

Rey regrouped and tried again. The whippy flexibility of the foil was very different from the stiff solidity of the bo. She breathed deeply and centered herself.  _ Akido is about redirection, flow through the attack and redirect… _

She was more cautious the second time. Ben was slow, almost languid but his advance was steady, his foil dipping and flicking side to side. She retreated, falling back until she was nearly to the end of the piste. She redirected again and again but he was able to press the attack, until finally when she slid to the right he reached out and once again she felt the tap of the foil on her opposite shoulder. 

_ This is him taking it easy?  _ Rey knew he was slow and deliberate but he seemed to be able to anticipate what she was going to do before she did it. She clenched her teeth in frustration. 

_ He makes it look so easy, like I’m no challenge. I’m nothing...  _

A quiet anger began to build, stretching and sinking deep into her limbs. His indifference kindled her need to prove herself. 

_ Use it. Show him.  _

When they met again, Rey exploded down the piste, slashing and slicing. Ben was surprised, nonetheless reacted quickly, falling back. Slapping her blade down again and again. Rey sensed he was drawing her into a trap, she feinted, shooting straight out with her foil. As he went to flick it to the side again, she leaned into a deep lunge and his blade passed over her head, she snapped her blade up and felt the jolt of contact. It was over in seconds. 

There was a moment of surprised silence.

“Touche” Canady pointed at Rey. Then Rey heard the cheers and applause from Finn, Poe and Rose wash over her. 

***

She rose and removed the mask, a smile lit up her face. 

Ben slowly removed his helmet, looking down at the tiny splotch of black chalk centered just over his heart, the inky dot stark against the white fabric of his jacket. He said nothing but turned and dropped the mask and stabbed the foil into the grass edging the piste. He stalked away. 

For a moment Rey felt an instant’s regret. The moment passed as Finn and Rose ran over and surrounded her with hugs and excited chatter. 

_ So Big Ben is a sore loser. Too bad. I don’t care. _

But her eyes tracked his angry progress across the lawn. 

***

When the team list was posted Rey wasn’t surprised to see her name listed. She did note that B. Solo was listed as the Team Captain for the Senior Boys team and a P. Hasma was listed as Senior Girls Captain. 

_ Way to start off with a great impression, girl. Piss off one of the Team Captains. _

She pissed off the other one at practice that afternoon. 

Prudence Hasma was a towering girl with short cropped blonde hair and icy blue eyes that sparked with contempt when she saw Rey kitted out in borrowed school gear still. 

“Let’s see what you can do.” she purred. And then spent the next half an hour handing Rey’s ass to her again and again. 

Rey never gave up. She kept trying, shaking off each hit, each blow, even though her arms and legs were smarting and aching. 

Prudence grew increasingly frustrated. Her attacks sharper, following through on her swings and stabs trying to get Rey to relent. The rest of the team started to notice. Scattered students breaking off their own drills and practices to watch. 

It was no longer a match, it was a punishment. And Rey took it. She took it again and again. 

Finally, Prudence blitzed her so hard, crowding in and slashing, no longer even trying to touch with the point of the foil. It was clearly meant to hurt and frighten her. Exhausted from the relentless barrage Rey retreated down the piste until she stumbled and sprawled on the gravel. Panting, she rose to her knees and then unsteadily to her feet. Slowly she bent and picked up the foil with a shaking hand. 

“Alright that’s enough Pru.” Coach Canady called. “Good energy but save some for competition.” Canady said nothing to Rey. 

She understood then; this was a rebuke for daring to show up Coach’s chosen one. The team silently watched as she staggered over to the end of the piste and raised her foil even though her arm was trembling. Ben was watching her like a hawk. After a moment he nodded once. 

Rey glared at him through the mesh screen of her mask blinking back hot tears. “Fuck you,” she mouthed. 

His smile was irritatingly smug.

“Hit the showers, Walker.” Canady paused. “You’re feisty kid...See you on Thursday.”

Rey knew then she’d passed the unspoken test, she was “good enough” to play with them. That even vaunted Coruscant Academy wasn’t above such petty schoolyard bullshit was bitter consolation as the hot water sluiced over her battered body. She scrubbed furiously at the tears still leaking invisibly down her face under the pounding heat of the shower. 

_ “Fuck them...fuck him…”  _ She straightened and turned off the water. In the echoing silence of the women’s change room there was only the plink and plash of water gurgling down the drain. 

“I’m going to beat them all. Even him.” 

She glanced over at the mirrors, red weals striped her arms and one wicked one wrapped around her ribs. Her fury shone out of her hazel eyes. Naked and marked, she lifted her chin and squared her shoulders. 

“I am going to win.” 

 


	10. Chapter 10

For the next month Rey was consumed, driven, fueled by ego and anger. She rose an hour early and completed punishing runs and sprints. She searched up everything she could find about fencing on the ancient computers in the school library. She threw herself into her schoolwork and once her homework was done she’d spend the rest of the afternoon in the back yard running drills with her practice foil. Finn and Rose started to call her the Dread Pirate Roberts. 

She laughed at the nickname but her laughter was sharp. 

Coach Canady had another nickname for her, Rey-lentless. She took a savage pride in it and set about defeating every junior member of the fencing team he threw her way. She followed his guidance and advice to the letter while stoking the fire of hatred she had for him. She honed her skills on the whetstone of her slighted worth and she climbed through the ranks of the small group of fencers at Coruscant.

She had equipment of her own now. Luke had raised his bushy eyebrows at the price but he paid it. He also said nothing when everyday she rose before the sun to work out merely making sure a cup of hot coffee was waiting for her after a run. 

Finally after a month he could see she was wasn't giving up.

“I hope you know what you’re doing kid.”

She did. She was going to show them all. 

***

Rey biked over to the school on an early November afternoon one Saturday. The day had started as grey and gloomy and by lunch the overcast skies started spatting down rain that threatened to turn to snow. Her bike tires hissed along the wet asphalt and lingering Jack-o-Lanterns were gently slumping into decay on a few porches. 

Halloween had come and gone, Rey had declined to go to any parties and instead stayed in. Finn and Rose had helped her hand out candy and then they had stayed up late watching horror movies they’d rented from Blockbuster. The break from training was fun, she’d missed hanging out with them but their gently probing questions about her new obsession made her feel a little guilty. She’d promised herself she would dial it back...soon.  But there was a competition next week and Rey wanted to get in an extra practice. 

The weather meant they wouldn’t be using the outdoor salle but instead the small one inside the main sports building. 

Rey was surprised to see a car in the parking lot when she pulled up. Coach already had them on a gruelling schedule of practices on the lead up to the meet, the kids on the team grumbled but put in the time. Poe had been right, Canady was a sadistic bastard and he paid disobedience in kind. 

She walked in and saw Ben. He was geared up but for his helmet, which was a big no-no. Coach was always on their ass about that, he may have been a dick but he was scrupulous about safety. Rey was stunned to see what he was doing. It wasn’t fencing.

It was unadulterated ferocity. 

She’d seen hints of his temper but the wild unleashing of it was frightful to witness. He had his sword and he was hacking and slashing at a foam target they used for practice. Precision wasn’t his aim, small clots of foam flew into the air as he attacked. Rey stood motionless shocked into stillness. His anger was palpable, He pounded the target with blade and fists until he finally broke off his assault on the target by kicking it over. It keeled over with an echoing crash. Ben stood for a moment, his rage finally spent. 

He dropped the sword to the floor, breathing hard, and ripped open his jacket. He shrugged it off where he stood. He wore no shirt underneath and rivulets of sweat limned the muscles of his chest. He slipped the suspender straps holding up his breeches off his shoulders and stretched out his arms. His breeches sagged low on the points of his hips and Rey saw the light dusting of  dark hair that trailed from his navel down his belly. He was more muscular than she expected, the summer tan faded, his smooth skin a pale glow in the dimness of the gym. She swallowed. Her tongue suddenly thick. He picked up a water bottle and drank, throat working with each swallow. Rey had an insane urge to press her lips to the tender part of his throat and bite down, to taste his sweat and rage and pain. 

Slowly she walked towards him. The air felt dense and electric. He noticed her immediately and went still, watching her approach. She drifted closer but stopped a few feet away.

“You ok?” She nodded towards the downed target.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. I got some...family stuff going on.” 

She nodded once. Her eyes didn’t know where to look. He simply stood watching her try to look at him. 

“You keep your wrists too stiff.” he said.

“I--what?” The shift in conversation threw her.

“Your wrists. You give away your attack, keep your arms still and use the wrist. Like this.”

He picked up his abandoned foil and suddenly stepped behind her, leaning in close. She was too surprised to flinch back. He reached around and lifted her arm and placed the sword in it, fingers adjusting her grip to his satisfaction. His other hand cupped her elbow. Rey was very conscious of the heat of his fingers on her skin, of the strength of the arms encircling her. 

“Keep this still as you can,” he gently squeezed her elbow, “movement comes from here.” His hand covered here, swallowing it. She felt the calluses on his palm as he rotated her hand slowly back and forth. He loomed over her and leaned in close. She felt his breath on her neck as he spoke into her ear. She couldn’t stop the heady shiver that rippled across her flesh. “Just let the arm support the blade, the wrist directs the point.”  He tilted her hand up and down. She could smell the clean sweat masculine scent of him. His chest was a solid wall of warmth against her tee-shirt. She leaned back into him a little, testing. His hand dropped her elbow and drifted to her hip. 

“Don’t lean forward when you lunge, sink down into your hips.” He pressed softly and she responded, adjusting her stance. His hand remained on her hip as she slowly stepped forward into the lunge.

“Good.” He shifted slightly and moved his hands to her shoulders. “Keep your back long and level. Shoulders back.” Wordlessly Rey moved under his hands, she cast a look back over her shoulder, looking up at him. His eyes were very dark. She was unsure if she could speak.

“Thank you--for the help.” was all she could manage. He lightly squeezed her shoulders and let her go. 

“You’re welcome, Rey.” 

She felt lost once he stepped away. 

***

He cleaned up the downed target silently. Rey made a show of practicing what he’d shown her but she was too keyed up to focus properly. Her heart raced and her pulse thundered. 

_ I don’t know what the fuck *that* was… _

She was hideously aware of how wet she was, her entire core heated and aching. 

“Bonfire on the beach tonight. You coming?” he said after he’d packed up his gear.

She stopped her useless practice, thrown once again. 

“It’s raining.” she hated how stupid she sounded. 

“It might clear up.” he shrugged indicating that if it didn’t it would make no difference. He was the most confounding person she’d ever met. 

“Where?” she finally said and he told her.  

“I’ll try to pass by.” The minute she said it she heard the falsity in it as she knew he did too. She wasn’t the type to flirt and play games nor would he tolerate them. “I mean. I’ll come.”

Ben offered to drive her home but she was close to redlining, he filled up her brain, she needed to think. 

She pedalled home slowly, grateful for the cold rain, washing her clean.  


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Mild Drug Use (marijuana)

Because Finn was from Chicago he lived on campus, Poe did as well. But Rose didn’t and rather than try to persuade Finn or Poe to break curfew and sneak out to come with them Rey put the pressure on Rose.

“I dunno. It’s cold and kind drizzly.”

“There  _ will  _ be a bonfire. We don’t have to stay long. Please say yes.” Rey playfully clutched Rose’s hands and batted her eyes. 

“Oh fine. But if I catch a cold…”

“You won’t. It’ll be fun. I promise.”

“Hmmm that’s not usually a crowd I hang-out with and you’re new in town. How did you find out about it?”

Rey took a deep breath.  _ Here it comes _

“Ben Solo invited me this afternoon.” she mumbled.

“Shut. Up. No way!  Ohmigod tell me everything. You hung out with him? I thought you hated him. Well at first I thought you liked him but then--” Rose stopped. “What is the deal, Rey?” 

Rey sighed and flopped onto Rose’s bed and clutched a pillow to her face and screamed into it.

“I don’t know what the deal is. He’s so…”

“Weird?”

“--Intense….but then he can be so chill. Ugh Rose. I don’t know what to doooo!” 

“You like him? You think he’s cute?”

Rey rolled over to look at her friend. 

“Do I like him? Is he cute?” she singsonged. “What are we? Twelve?”

Rose waved a hand dismissively. “You know what I mean. Don’t be a bitch just ‘cause you have the hots for a brooding Keanu wannabe.” 

“He does kind of look like him, right?”  Rey smiled at the thought.  _  Do I like him? No. Not always. He can be arrogant and cruel and why can’t I stop thinking about kissing him all the time?  _ Rey lowered her head and groaned.

“Poor Rey. You got it bad, girl.” Rose patted her back sympathetically. “Well times -a-wasting. We better motor if we’re going to figure out what we’re wearing. What says sexy and will protect you from the elements, overalls? a big yellow rain slicker?”

Rose dodged the pillow Rey chucked at her.

***

As Rey and Rose made their way down to the beach they could see a large bonfire illuminating scattered groups of teenagers. There was music and laughter that echoed down the otherwise deserted beach. Down by the shoreline there was the hiss and rush of low combers rolling up the sand, white foam edges golden as they reached firelight. The briny scent of the ocean--salt and decay--filled Rey’s nose and she paused to take it all in. 

Living in Arizona for her entire life she’d never actually seen the ocean up close. 

The scant moonlight revealed by scudding clouds scattered a glittering path over the otherwise dark sea. The constant heave and gentle crash of the waves was hypnotic. It was endless motion and infinite power. Rey was speechless. It was like a huge sleeping animal. 

“Pretty isn’t it?” said Rose

_ Pretty isn’t the word...  _ She shook her head in muted awe.

“C’mon. I’m chilly.” Rose grabbed her hand and they made their way through the dunes to the fire. 

Rey stuck to Rose’s side feeling a little overwhelmed. Rose was on a nodding acquaintance with most of these kids. Some were local teens and their stares were a little more assessing and hostile.   _ Townies are the same everywhere I guess.  _ Rey burrowed into her hoodie. The music blared the closer they got and some of the kids had beer. Her eyes scanned looking for Ben. She spotted him talking with some senior boys from Coruscant. She hovered.

_ Do I go over and say hi or… _

Fortunately, Ben spotted her and made his way over. 

“Rey, you made it.” He nodded hello to Rose. “You want a beer or anything?” 

“No. We’re good.” Rose answered quickly. 

Ben grinned and scratched an eyebrow, amused by Rose’s mother hen routine. Awkwardly, the trio stood and gazed into the fire. Rey surreptitiously raised her eyebrows at Rose. Rose ignored her for a moment, then sighed. 

“Oh there’s Jessika. I need to talk to her about our writing assignment.” she said mechanically. “But I’ll be  _ right back _ if you  _ need anything.. _ .”  She glanced meaningfully at Ben before she walked away. 

“So…” Rey said

“Practiced with the body cords yet?” Ben asked.

For their competition they would be wired up to electronically keep the score. The cord was attached to a reel that paid out and retracted as they moved. Rey had practiced a few times but was still trying master it.

_ Fencing talk? Really?  _ Rey suppressed a twinge of disappointment.  _ There’s dedication to a sport but this is a bit much… _

“Yeah, I’ll be able to handle it. Don’t worry Captain.” Rey scornfully saluted. 

“Sorry. That was lame. Let’s start again.. He paused then smiled.  “Hi I’m Ben Solo, I think you’re in my History/Poly Sci class?” He held out his hand to shake, Rey raised her brows but slowly shook his hand and played along.

“Charmed, I’m Rey Walker. Yeah. I’m in that class, also I think I’m on the fencing team with you.” 

“Oh yeah, I thought you looked kind of familiar.”  A lazy smile slanted across his face. 

She giggled.  _ Looks like Emo Keanu has a sense of humor after all. _

They smiled at each other, the awkwardness gone. 

“C’mon let’s go for a walk.” Ben took her hand and pulled her away from the fire.

Rey looked over at Rose who was huddled with a small group of girls chatting and laughing. Rose was clearly watching out for her. 

“I’ll be back soon. I’m just--” She pointed down the beach. 

“...Ok...I’ll be here. Have fun.” She said flatly.

They walked in silence for a while until Ben said,

“She’s not my biggest fan, is she?”

“Well can you blame her? With all the bullshit with Prudence when I joined the team?” 

Rey felt herself getting angry all over again. At first Ben said nothing just steadily walked along the sand by the waters edge. He said, “It happened to me too...Canady makes anyone he thinks is any good have to do it. He calls it ‘the gauntlet’.”

“Well, it’s horrible and he shouldn’t. It’s sadistic.” 

“Yeah but he thinks you can handle it. He thinks you’ve got potential.”

“That doesn’t make it right, Ben.” 

Ben said nothing, just stooped and picked up some rocks to chuck into the waves. Rey shivered. There was a wintery nip in the air now that they were away from the fire. 

“Look I’m sorry, I should’ve said something but Coach was riding my ass about you being just a little girl--” He grimaced aware how that sounded. “Not that...you couldn’t you know.”

“Beat you?”

“Yeah...I guess.” 

Rey recalled his fury earlier that afternoon. Now he looked dejected. 

“No guess about it Ben. I will beat you. This little girl, right here.” She was teasing and he smiled. 

“But…” she said

“But?”

“Just why don’t you stand up to him? Tell him to piss off. Your mom is on the board of governors.” 

He rolled his eyes and kept walking, Rey tagged after him. He found a huge bleached bone of a downed tree, polished smooth and white by the waves and sat down. Rey sat next to him. 

“My mom...my dad. Everyone thinks we’re the perfect family but it’s not like that.” His tone was bitter. “Everything is fucked up.” He turned to her, “Do you know what it’s like having your parents plan out your whole fucking life for you?”

“No. I never knew my parents."

Ben stopped taken aback. “So are you an orphan or…?”

_ Tactful, he is not.  _

“I don’t know. I was placed in foster care at a young age. I don’t really remember them. Uncle Luke--he’s my foster dad--is all I really know.” 

Rey saw the realization cross his face. How whiny and ungrateful he must sound to the poor little orphan girl. 

“Look.” she said. “All families are fucked up. But you don’t have to let it fuck  _ you _ up

“Yeah maybe.” 

He chewed on that for a while, sipping his beer. She shivered and clutched her arms around herself. He must have noticed because she was suddenly engulfed by his arm as he drew her close. She leaned into his warmth. He pulled a joint out of his flannel pocket and wordlessly offered it to her. She shook her head. She felt a return of the chill night air as he cupped his hands to light it but he settled his arm back over her shoulders in a lazy, familiar way. She could smell the sour scent of the weed as he inhaled. She felt a little high herself, from his nearness, the hint of his woodsy cologne, the possessive weight of his arm across her shoulders. 

_ Rose would definitely not approve of this scenario.  _

Rey was no prude but never really found the need for drugs, the obnoxious, silly way some kids acted. The lack of control never had any appeal. But Ben made her feel out of control just being near him. 

_ Maybe...it would be ok to let loose once in a while.  _

“I changed my mind.” She reached out.

He handed it to her and she took a hit. Acrid smoke seared her lungs and she choked and coughed. Grinning, Ben patted her on the back. 

“First time?” 

“No--well yes but--God! It burns.” she wheezed.  _ Truly, truly uncool move girl...just tragic  _

Finally the coughing eased and she relaxed. Wiping the tears from her eyes and was startled by the smooth feel of her hands on her skin. The world seemed to leisurely rotate around her as she came to this realization. Accompanying this slow waltz in her brain was the ocean. The sound of the waves was almost unfathomable and she found herself concentrating to make sure she heard every nuance. 

“Still burning?” he asked.

“...yeah but deep like. Inside....and I’m totally aware of my lungs...is that weird? I think it’s weird...” 

“Other than that you doing ok?”

“Yeah. Yeah I am. The ocean…” Rey gestured. “I’ve never seen it before, well not up close. Not like this…” 

“The wine-dark sea.” he said. 

Rey nodded, he got it. The slow black undulation of the ocean, the glints of moonlight on all that impenetrable blackness, the susurrus of the waves whispering secrets to her, the stars peeking through a thin scrim of clouds. She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed deeply, fascinated by the endless expanse. 

Securely bubble-wrapped in her high, Rey found herself confessing.  “Today at the gym was pretty nuts right? Like, you were so mad. So mad.” She giggled. “That was crazy! But then you took off your fencing jacket and damn...even crazier.” She glanced up at him. “You’re much more muscular than you seem, you know…” She imparted this fact with the sage clarity of the deeply stoned. 

“Am I?” he murmured against her hair. 

“Yeah you got something  _ going on  _ under those flannel shirts, who knew?” 

“Good to know…” His squeezed her shoulder. 

“Then helping me with my wrist...thingy. What was that about? I wasn’t sure if you wanted to kill me or kiss me today.” The giggles bubbled up again. “You...you are tricky, mister.” 

“Did you want me to?” his voice was hoarse.

“What?” She half turned to look up at him again.

“Kiss you…” his hand slid up and stroked her cheek, she leaned into his touch.

His eyes were deep and dark. 

_ The wine-dark sea... _ she thought as she lifted her face to his. 

His lips tentatively touched hers, gentle and teasing. She swayed forward and opened her mouth to him. His tongue slipped inside and she tasted beer and smoke. She moaned as his hand slid through her hair to cup the back of her neck.  Her hands clutched the front of his soft flannel shirt. The kiss was long and Rey was dizzy with the feel of his mouth on hers, the pot made everything seem endless, immeasurable fizzing pleasure lit up her veins. 

After an eternity he broke the kiss. He stared at her, stoking the hair back from her face. She moved to kiss him again, pulling gently on his shirt. 

“Wait, let’s slow things down a bit…” He drew a shaky breath. She pouted and nipped at the soft skin of his throat, finally allowing herself to taste what she wanted this afternoon. She could feel the laugh rumble under her fingers splayed on his chest. “Rey...c’mon. Just...gimmie a second.” 

A nasty thought gripped her. “Is it me? Am I a bad kisser?” 

“You?” His face was shocked. “No! God no! It’s just--this isn’t you. You’re high. I shouldn’t have even kissed you.”

“I wanted you too.” 

He groaned and tipped his head towards hers, “You aren’t making it easy to be a good guy here.” 

He gently took her hands and kissed her fingertips. “There’s plenty of time for this. Let’s walk back before…” He trailed off but the answer as to what he would do was in his eyes. Unconsciously Rey leaned towards him again. Willing to take that journey with him. 

He chastely kissed her and hoisted her to her feet. “You think I’m tricky? You’re the tricky one, Rey Walker…”


	12. Chapter 12

Rose couldn’t even wait for them to walk back to the fire. She caught up to them as they were headed towards her.

“We good?” she scrutinised Rey.

“Yes, we are good,” she turned to Ben. “Thank you for the walk.” She rose up to kiss his cheek. He nodded, looking intently at Rose who was steadily returning his gaze. She took Rey’s hand.

“We should get back, it’s late. Later Ben.”

“Later. Bye Rey.” He tipped a little wave and headed over to the bonfire and the noise of the partying kids. 

***

Rey knew Rose was angry but didn’t know how to broach the subject with her. They silently struggled over the dunes to the car.

Finally, once the doors clunked shut. Rose turned and took a deep breath.

“Look, I didn’t say anything before because I was a chicken _and_ what you decide to do is your own business.” Rey meant to interrupt. “No, please let me finish, but you are my friend and I care about you...there’s some stuff you should know about Ben.”

_I don’t want to hear this..._ Rey’s brain felt too foggy to protest.

“Ben wasn’t at Coruscant during his sophomore year. He went to the local school here in town. His parents let him because they thought it would be good for him but he got mixed up with some bad people.”

“So he hung out with the bad kids, every school--”

“No. Not kids. People. Here in town there’s this Town Selectman. Snoke. He’s got his fingers on a lot of strings and he usually gets what he wants. One way or another. There was a housing development on the edge of town and he was outbid. But then the developer kept having problems with vandalism. Local kids they said. But it was never any of Snoke’s properties that were touched.”

“But--”

“No, listen” Rose grabbed Rey’s hand. “One night there was a fire at the housing development. Arson. A night watchman was hurt. The cops caught Ben and his friends with gas cans and stuff.”

Rey was shocked.

“His parents made it go away but his mom had to leave the State House. I know Snoke is behind it somehow. Blackmail probably. Anyway. Doesn’t matter,” She stared deeply into Rey’s eyes. “He was an angry kid back then and I don’t know if he’s changed. He could be dangerous, Rey.”

Rey thought back to his explosive rage this afternoon. _How could that be the same boy who kissed me tonight?_  

“I know you probably hate me now, but...I had to tell you.” Rose’s voice was choked.

“Hate you? No Rose. No. Come here.” Rey slid over and hugged her friend. The flicker of resentment she had been feeling towards her for being the origin of such unwanted news died once she saw how upset Rose was.

“Thank you for telling me. You’re a good friend, Rose.” They hugged and Rose ruefully wiped her teary eyes. “Stupid. I shouldn’t be crying.”

“No. I thought _you_ were mad at me. I didn’t know what to do!”

“Well I’m a little mad for getting ditched so you could go smoke up.”

“How--how did you know?”

“I can smell it on you. Lose the hoodie before you see your Uncle...although he looks like he knows his way around a joint or two based on that beard.”

They laughed. And everything was all right between them again. But Rey couldn’t quite still the nagging thoughts worming through her head.

_Ben dangerous? I don’t want to believe it...but what about today? What if he gets angry like that with you?_

***

 Rey cracked an eye the next morning and squinted at the clock, the red numbers glared 11:03 am. She sat up blearily, _God I never sleep this late..._ Then the memories came flooding back. She groaned and covered her face.

_You kissed him. You got *high* and you kissed BEN._

Chasing on the heels of this was Rose’s revelations. _Shit. What do I do?_

For the rest of the day on Sunday Rey felt sluggish and paralyzed. She swung between little jolts of joy when she remembered how good it felt to kiss him alternated with sinking worry when she thought about the implications of what he had done.

_People can change right? He was just being a dumb kid….but *arson* that’s more than teenage dumbassery, that’s a felony..._

“You feeling ok kid?” Luke asked, “You aren’t getting the flu are you?”

“No. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind--Homework stuff.” she added quickly.

“You know I’m here if you need to talk anytime. I know I pushed for this move but I really feel Coruscant Academy is the best--”

Impulsively Rey hugged him hard. “No you’re right. I know it was. And...thank you for taking me in, you know. You didn’t have to.”

_That could’ve been me. I could be mixed up with dangerous shit._

Surprised, he hugged her back.  “You’re a good kid Rey, don’t let anyone make you doubt your worth.” She nodded into his chest, blinking back the tears.

“Ugh. sorry. Don’t mind me, just normal teenage moodiness,” she offered a watery smile.

“Uh oh. Sounds like a pizza for dinner reason if I ever heard one.”

Rey took a steadying breath, _How did I get so lucky with Uncle Luke?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortish chapter today...but in my defence I am wrestling a very porny Reylo plotbunny into submission.


	13. Chapter 13

Rey was hiding in a study carrel in the library, trying to outline an essay when Ben thumped his backpack down next to hers and drew up a chair.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey, what’s up?”

The tension filled up the space between them. She searched for a way to answer.  Ben sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “You talked to Rose.” He didn’t have to say what about, Rey felt herself flush guiltily. She’d been avoiding him all day; she didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Yeah, she uh. She told me you were kind of...doing…”

“Vandalism? Arson?” his voice was calm.

She nodded.

“She’s not wrong. I did do those things.”

Rey felt her stomach sink in disappointment. Some part of her hoped it wasn’t true.

“I was--well I guess you’d say, a dumbshit kid and I definitely fucked up. I know everyone thinks my parents took care of it but there were consequences.” Ben looked down. “Plenty of consequences.”

Rey wanted to bring up the freakout in the gym but she couldn’t quite dare. She fiddled with a pencil.

He leaned close, intent now. “I’m not going to make excuses or deny it. It is what it is. I just--I kind of hoped with you…” he stopped.

“What?”

“You’re not from here. I thought it might be different, a fresh start you know?”

“What makes you think it isn’t?” She surprised herself by answering.

He gave her a considering look, “Maybe because I’m not sure I could get away with kissing you right now.”

She blushed but held his stare. He nodded, confirming something.

“But, I think I will get another chance to kiss you, Rey..” He smoothed a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “It’s ok. I can wait. I’ll see you at practice, later?”

She nodded. Deep down she suspected he was right.

***

The weekend of the fencing competition arrived faster than Rey expected. The week had been a blur of homework, practice, the odd hangout with Rose, Poe and Finn, and in the background was Ben. Joking with her at practice, chatting with her before classes, joining them at lunch once, blase and indifferent to Rose’s prickliness, and the curiosity of Finn and Poe.

Rey found herself looking forward to a whole Saturday with just him and the team. _Well most of the team, Fuck Prudence and Canady but why do I feel like I can breathe when Rose isn’t there to judge Ben._ Rey felt small to admit it but she couldn’t deny it _._ Rose was still fairly frosty to Ben and she felt pulled between the two. _I think fighting people with a sword might be just the thing to relieve_ _some frustration._ She shoved down the fleeting ideas of any stress-relief Ben might be able to provide. _Focus, it’s game day!_

The competition was in Portland and they had an hour and a half drive, she was going to take the team bus at six in the morning. Luke would drive down later to watch. She was standing in the parking lot on the chilly November morning, yawning and shivering with most of the team. She’d thought Ben would take his own car so was surprised when he showed up with his gear bag slung over his shoulder.

“Hey! I didn’t know you’d be taking the bus.”

“It’s your first big competition, of course I’m riding with you, excited?”

She couldn’t suppress her grin.

***

They climbed aboard the team bus and stowed their gear. Then Canady stood up at the front.

“Listen up, this will be a long day and I expect all of you to know when your matches are and to be there ready. If I have to hunt you down I _will_ personally tear you a new one and kick you off the team. We are the best team in the state and we will dominate, is that clear?”

“Yes coach!” They chorused.

_So much for play hard and try your best._

“Ok, Prudence ready with the thing?”

Pru Hasma stood up holding a huge boom-box. Rey looked over at Ben sitting across the aisle from her.

“Team tradition before a competition...you’ll pick it up.”

The blonde girl pressed play, the jangling guitar riffs and thumping beat of _Sabotage_ by the Beastie Boys started playing. She yelled over the music.

“Who are we?”

“Coruscant Academy!” The team yelled back.

“What do we do?”

“Win!”

“Who are we?”  Prudence chanted again

By now Rey knew what to do and she yelled along feeling her heart-beat faster when she hollered out, “Win!” They repeated the chant several times and Rey was caught up.  

Then the synths faded out and the guitar riffs returned with a driving intensity as Prudence yelled.

“I want you to show me your war faces!”

And then they yelled at the top of their lungs along with the Beastie Boys. Screaming the lyrics, rising in volume, louder and louder.  Rey felt wild and charged, swept along with the crazy energy. She clutched Ben’s hand as they bellowed their readiness. _We must look demented, and I don’t care._

***

The arena buzzed with noise and energy. There were teams from all over the State, all the way up to the NCAA level. There was only a few schools at Coruscant’s level which is why Coach Canady expected them to sweep the medals.

Rey’s pool match to see if she would make it through to the final rounds wasn’t until late morning so she paced nervously and thought about her strategy. She watched and cheered a few matches of other team members but unfortunately she and Ben’s pools were slated at the same time. She saw Uncle Luke in the stands and waved.

She easily defeated all the fencers in her pool and made it through to the direct elimination round. If she lost against any competitor during those rounds she would be eliminated. Ben caught up to her after her pool win. He had also made it through as had most of the team.

“You got this.” Ben hugged her and held her out at arms length. “You’re much better than me than I was when I was just starting.”

“Told you I’m going to beat you, eventually.” But his praise thrilled her.

She needed to either have the highest score after each three minute match or get to fifteen points.

Rey was seeded against a petite girl from a private college in Portland. Andrea Williams was a slim blonde, who tried to use her small size to force Rey to overreach and miss her hits. She was a cagey fencer but Rey refused to be baited into the William’s traps and won the first bout easily. The sound of the buzzer as she felt her fifth touch land was electrifying.

She conferred with Canady on the sidelines before she faced her again.

“Blast her, as hard as you can, Walker. Get in her head.”

She nodded, bouncing with nervous adrenaline.

She charged down the piste in the second bout and surprised Williams. Rey landed her first touch within a few seconds. The girl rose to the challenge and retaliated with a series of calculated strikes trying to score points while forcing Rey to defend. She countered as hard and as fast as she could. They both scored touches but the judges awarded the match to Williams.

Couch Canady reacted angrily, spouting abuse at the referee, claiming Rey had the right-of-way and deserved the points. The referee, an older woman, threatened Canady with the black card that would result in his ejection from the bout.  

_Jesus, you’d think this was the Olympics._

She tried to let the ugliness go and get into the headspace she’d need for the final bout.  The walked to the piste and saluted, waiting for the Allez! The noise and bustle of the arena dropped away and she felt a rush of calm sweep over her, remembering Ben’s hands on hers, guiding her in the movements she’d practiced over and over.

At the signal she lunged cautiously forward, foil seeking her opponents, teasingly tapping to lure Williams into an attack. She parried and tried to flick Rey’s blade to the side. Rey responded with a sudden surge towards her, forcing William’s to leap back. She retreated down the piste and Rey followed. They traded blows but all the while Rey was tracking the girl with her blade, looking for the opening. Williams had a tendency to drop her shoulder on her blade arm before she attacked.  Rey waited, Williams finally misstepped, charging too soon. Galvanized, Rey lunged, arcing her blade up to reach her unguarded shoulder. Gamely, Williams tried to twist away from the attack and she flung her foil in a desperate arc, grazing the outside of Rey’s shoulder. The buzzer sounded and Rey saw that she and Williams had both scored. It would depend on right-of-way; who was attacking first. Rey knew in her heart it would be her.

The judges conferred and then pointed at Williams. Jubilant, she threw her arms in the air. Rey was stunned. She had lost and was eliminated.

Coach Canady exploded, throwing a chair across the piste, screaming at the judges.  “The fuck? She clearly had right of way! You’re fucking blind!

The crowd murmured at the invective he was spewing. He was right up at the judges table, arguing bitterly. Rey was embarrassed to be the center of all this attention. She slid off her helmet and saw Luke gamely applauding her, she forced a smile onto her face and went to shake her opponents hand.

The judges had pulled the black card and expelled Canady from the arena. Rey was embarrassed and longed to slink away. _Even if the decision is overturned, everyone will think it’s because of the coach. But I know I won. It should be me._

Ben was suddenly there. He pulled her into a hug, resting his head on the top of hers. She hid her face in the warmth of his chest, surprised by the tears that suddenly filled her eyes.

“Rey, it was a bad call. Everyone could see that. You should’ve won.”

She nodded, miserable to be acting this way, but she hadn’t realized how much she wanted the win.

“I know, I know...it’s dumb.” She wiped her eyes and smiled up at him.

“No. It’s not. You won. This isn’t fair.” He was so earnest in his belief in her. He cupped her face in his hands.

“Life’s not fair.” she said.

“Fuck that. It should be….for you.”

She impulsively kissed him quickly on the lips. He startled her by holding her tightly and deepening the kiss. Shocked, she leaned into it, slipping her arms around his neck.  The noise of the crowd fell away and she smiled into the kiss.

_Looks like you won the waiting game, Ben..._

Finally she stepped away, flushed and smiling, holding his hand.

“Go win a medal, Big Ben.”

“Yes ma’am.” He joked as he picked up his helmet.

She realized something, _He makes me happy. Screw the rest of it. I want to be happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter today; two things of note. I am a sucker for a good sports romance combo apparently (The Cutting Edge 1992! Fight me if you disagree) and I have learned about and written about waaaaaay more fencing than I ever thought I would in my damn life. All mistakes are solely mine.


	14. Chapter 14

“So, who’s the boy?” Luke chirped when she met him in the parking lot for the drive home.  

She went beet red, “You saw that huh?”

“The whole arena saw that. It was very romantic and dashing.” he teased.

She groaned and hid her face, “I think his mom was there too.”

“Who’s mom? Again, I query, what awesome specimen of teenage boyhood is smooching you? Do I need to get a shotgun?”

“Ugh! No! Stop it. His name is Ben Solo and he goes to Coruscant.”  She was mortified.

“Solo eh? That name is familiar.”

“His mom was the State Rep a few years ago? Leia Organa-Solo?”

“Huh.” he nodded. She waited anxiously to see if he had anything else to add. Lord help her if he didn’t agree with Leia’s politics. But he just climbed into the truck; she stowed her gear and jumped in too. He started the truck,

“Good guy?”

She nodded feeling only a little conflicted.

“I trust you Rey.”

“...ok?”

“Just…” he frowned. “This is where I really wish I had a wife,” he muttered. “Look, I’m sure he’s great. You have a good head on your shoulders. You’re a woman of the 90’s, yadda yadda. Just, don’t lose sight of who you are. First love can be a bitch to figure out.”

“And I’m actually dead from embarrassment. I didn’t say I loved him, he’s just a boy!”

“I know, kid. As hard as it can be to imagine, I was one once too.” He tapped his fingers on the wheel. “Today when you lost, my heart broke for you a little bit.”

She was silent.

“I saw how hard you’ve been working and how much you wanted it and,” he shook his head. “Damn if I wasn’t as pissed as your coach. I wanted to go down there and--well.” He turned to look at her. “I’m always going to want to look out for you and protect you. I love you, Rey. But part of that is letting you figure things out for yourself. You showed real grace under pressure and even though you lost. I think you’re better for it.”

She nodded and blinked again at the sudden tears. _Twice in one day, I’m going soft..._ Other families talked freely about their feelings, not hers.  

“Ok. Enough sentimental crap. I’m starving. Burgers sound good?”

“Sure.”

“...you’ve had ‘the talk’ right? The birds and the bees?” He was all smarmy sitcom-dad charm.

She cracked up, “Oh. My. God. I’m jumping out and throwing myself under the wheels. Stop. You are terrible.”

“Hey, I’m a sensitive new age guy. I’m thinking of growing a ponytail.”

_***_

She dealt with _whatever this is_ Ben and her had by seeing him when she could or hanging out with her friends when she couldn’t. He never pressed her, just let her take the lead. She had stolen a few more kisses and one memorable make out session in his car after her drove her home one day. But.

_I’m holding back a little bit. Part of it is what Rose said and part of it is what Luke said. I never thought I’d be the type to be all girlfriendy but he just…_

_Makes you so hot you could die from lust?_

_Worries you a little bit still?_

_Doesn’t fit in with my friends?_

_Oh girl, you are a very special 90210 episode all by yourself._

The end of November and the holiday season was steadily bearing down. Mid-term exams would begin after Christmas break and the crunch was on. Everyone was just a little bit stressed-out and overtired and Rey wasn’t surprised when the inevitable happened.

“Man, I can’t believe _Con Air_ made it through to the Final Four!” Finn was outraged. Poe and Finn had bonded over their love of action movies. Their near constant bickering and incessant references had finally culminated in a Movie Madness Playoff. There was a complicated ranking bracket and every round resulted in eliminations which they voted for. It usually resulted in passionate arguments for or against, hilarious riffing, insults and thrown popcorn. In other words, tremendous silly fun.  

“Hey man, I’m as outraged as you, but blame her.” Poe pointed at Rose.

“Revenge for knocking out _La Femme Nikita--”_ she crossed her arms defiantly.

“C’mon Rose...if you have to read subtitles it doesn’t count as an action movie.” said Finn

“Just because you have no culture or appreciation for foreign cinema.” she grumped. Poe looked at Finn with raised brows. Then they both said at the same time.

“Oooo! _For-Reign Cin-Nee-Maaaa!_ ” they mocked.

“I say, old chap,” said “do come by for a spot of culture later, we’ll have tea and crumpets and discuss French films.” Poe simpered at Finn, who immediately replied.

“Yes, Indeed! Old Bean! Capital idea, simply capital...what, what tally ho.” Finn and Poe mockingly bowed to each other.

“Your accent is awful.” Rose snarked but she couldn’t hide her grin as Rey giggled. She’d never really been that much into action movies but the honest affection and excitement both Finn and Poe had for the genre had resulted in movie nights being one of her favourite ways to relax and have fun. She was looking forward to this Friday night.

“Ok. I gotta jet, I’m meeting Ben for a study session.” She ignored the quick glance Finn and Poe gave each other and Rose’s sudden pretended interest in her nails. “Meet here after school before we head to Blockbuster?”

“Sure.” Finn said, “we still good for your place Rose?”

“Yep, my mum and sister are going into Portland for a shopping weekend. My dad is fine with it provided we, quote, “bribe him in Funyuns.”

“Awesome!” Poe said. “I’ll hook your dad up with the choicest selection of junk food, right old chap?” he looked at Finn.

“Indubitably!” the accent was back. “There will be a veritable bounty of snacks!” Finn pretended to twirl a mustache.

Rose rolled her eyes at Rey. Rey laughed and headed out.

_***_  

Now that the weather was colder, Rey and Ben had forgone the quad. They found an isolated corner of the library to meet-up and study. There were some broken-in comfortable chairs arranged by a pair of tall windows. It was a cozy place to read or work quietly, bathed in the winter sunlight.

“Brody is having some people over tonight, you wanna go?” Ben asked

“Hmm?--” Rey looked up from the notes she’d been highlighting. Ben was lounging in the chair, long legs stretched out. Her belly felt a warm and pleasant heat seeing the lines of his body, she dragged her attention back to what he had been saying. “What? Oh I can’t. It’s the Final Four tonight at Rose’s,” she smiled apologetically.

“The what?”

She felt a twinge of irritation, “The action movie thing? Remember I told you, we’re down to the final four.”

“Oh that. Just say you can’t go.”

She closed her book and looked at him. “No, Ben. Anyway, I really don’t like Brody all that much. All anyone does at his parties is drink and get stoned.”

He rubbed his forehead, exasperated. “You know, most people look forward to having a little fun on a Friday night.”

“Who says I won’t be having fun?” a little heat in her voice.

“C’mon Rey, just do it another time. Brody’s family have a hot-tub…” he wheedled. “You and me and all that steamy water.” He looked at her with promise, biting his lip.

She shook off the mental image, her irritation pushing through. “No, I can’t. We’ve had this planned for days and anyway. I’ve already said I’d do it. I’m not going to ditch my friends.”

“Some friends. Can’t even--”

_Oh ok. Here we go..._

“What? What about my friends, Ben.”

He huffed, “You would think they’d give me a chance now…”

She waited.

“Now that we’re, you know, seeing each other.”

“They’ve never been mean to you.” Her happy mood was rapidly deteriorating.

He sighed, “You know what I mean. Rose still treats me like I’m a some kind of monster.”

“No she doesn’t!” Rey defended Rose. It was not entirely true, Rose was still a bit stand-offish but she hardly treated Ben like a monster.

“Anyway, you haven’t exactly tried with them either…” she finished.

“Why is it always me? Why can’t they just let it go!” he snapped sitting upright.

“Ben that’s unfair.” she felt her stomach roiling with unease.

“I’m just so sick and tired of being treated like a damn pariah. People in this town are just so…” he flung up his hands, wordless in his frustration. He looked at her and grabbed up his stuff. “Whatever, Rey. I’m going to Brody’s. Have fun with your friends,” he sneered.

Despite the hurt she felt she raised her chin, “I will.” She gazed at him waiting for an apology.

“Fine.” he walked off stiffly.

Rey looked out the window, trying to quiet the rejection and annoyance churning in her heart.

  



	15. Chapter 15

Ben never called her the entire weekend. When she got to campus on Monday the rumour mill was already in overdrive.

“Dude, Brody’s party was busted by the cops!”

“No way?”

“Yeah, some people were arrested. I heard they found like a ton of drugs and shit.”

Rey’s heart leapt. _Could it be?_ She hurried through the campus to first class, hovering outside in the hall.

The surge of relief she felt when she saw his tall form heading down the hall, surprised her a little. _Why did I assume he’d be the one in trouble? What does that say about you?_

“Ben!” she pulled him to the side. “I--I’m glad to see you.” She had no idea what to say.

“Hey.” He looked tired but otherwise himself.

“I heard about this weekend…”

He leaned against a locker but said nothing.

Rey was at a loss. Cool, indifferent Ben was hard to take. “I was worried.” 

“Yeah? Why is that, Rey?” 

She blinked, taken aback, as he continued. “You thought it was me.” He nodded to himself, then chuckled bitterly. “Of course you did. Because if there’s trouble with the cops, I’m involved huh?” His voice was angry. 

“No! I just--”  _ But that’s not exactly true is it?  _ She felt herself flush. She rallied. “Look, Ben I don’t care about what you did in the past. But, you can’t blame me for wondering--”

“Why can’t I? You’re just as bad as everyone else in this fucking town.” He went to push past her to go to class. 

“Ben, wait.” He paused. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have--”

He cut her off , “No, maybe you should, Rey. Maybe I’m exactly as awful as everyone says.” 

_ This entire conversation is spinning rapidly out of control.  _

“I said I was sorry.”

“Whatever.”

She felt the anger flare. “No. Not whatever. You don’t get to act the martyr here. I apologized. That was shitty of me to assume but Ben,” she softened her tone with an effort, “people make mistakes...you have to be willing to forgive and let it go.”

“Some things you can’t get free of,” he said darkly. 

She was at a loss. She reached for him, unable to say all the things she wanted to say, “That’s a bit dire isn’t it?” she joked.

He just looked at her, his dark eyes unfathomable. 

“I mean,” she continued. “It was just a stupid party and you didn’t do anything, right? No harm, no foul.” 

“Sure.” he said flatly. “I have to get to class, Rey.”  

She watched him walk away, anxiety starting to unfurl cold tendrils in her chest. 

***

Rey was glad for Christmas break; Ben had remained cold and distant. She’d tried to thaw him with unrelenting cheerfulness; he remained polite but the easy-going guy she was just getting to know was gone. She kept shining up her bright edges but every encounter with his apathy left her feeling crumpled and useless. She needed time to process.  _ That and a huge pint of Chocolate Mint Chip… _ And the molten core wrapped in all this sadness and confusion was resentment and anger.  _ It’s not like I even did *anything*, he’s the one who doesn’t want…me. _

That was the crux of it. The rejection stung and she kept poking at it, unable to let it go. 

So she busied herself with homework and baking.  _ Look at me, Suzy Homemaker, making shortbread with the passion of a woman scorned.  _ Luke was starting to make noises about his ever-expanding waistline but the clear defined act of measuring, mixing, and decorating was soothing with its promise of easy accomplishment. 

Christmas passed quietly, she’d been happy with her choices for Luke. The man was hopeless at dressing himself so she made sure he had some nice shirts and sweaters. Luke surprised her with a camera, a sturdy Minolta. She hadn’t even asked for one so she was surprised when she unwrapped it. 

“When I saw how good you are at getting photos with those disposable ones I thought you might like a real one…” he said. 

She hadn’t even thought much about the photos she would take of her friends and life back in Arizona or of the few candids she taken of Rose, Finn and Poe. Just that they decorated a wall in her room and made her happy to see them. 

“I think you have a real eye, kid. There’s film and whatnot for you too. Although,” he said, nibbling on a ginger snap, “maybe I should have got you some cookbooks or something.”

“No. I love it!” she hugged him and spent the rest of the day fiddling with the camera and trying different shots. Secretly pleased he’d seen something in her she hadn’t even recognized in herself.  _ He might not say much but he does notice things. He might play at being the befuddled professor but damn if he isn’t perceptive.  _ This realization came with a bit of unease.  _ Just how much does he know about Ben and me? Well if there even is a Ben and me, anymore…. _

The next day Rey thought she might try to take some shots outside, play around with the light settings. There was a darkroom available at Coruscant and she wanted to have a couple of rolls shot before she went back. She was lazily eating cereal and flipping through the newspaper when there was a knock at the door. 

“I’ll get it.” 

It was Ben. Standing nervously on her porch, hands stuffed into the pockets of his parka, “Hi…”

“Rey, why don’t you invite your friend in.” Luke said coming down the hall. Rey jumped a little, her whole attention had been focused on Ben and why he was on her porch. Mutely she stepped aside and he came in, standing awkwardly in the hall. 

“You must be Ben, I’m Rey’s Uncle Luke.” Luke offered his hand.

“Yes I am, nice to meet you, sir.” Ben mumbled. Rey shook herself out of her paralysis. 

“Uh yeah, this is Ben.” she turned to him, “and he’s here because…”  she looked to Ben.

“I thought we might go for a drive, get some hot chocolate.” 

Luke looked at Rey, “I thought you were planning on doing some photos this morning, you never mentioned--” Rey cut him off. 

“I forgot. Slipped my mind.” she ad-libbed while looking curiously at Ben. “I’ll just get my coat.” She bundled up quickly and bustled Ben out the door. 


	16. Chapter 16

There was silence in the car as Ben drove them through the snowy streets. The mid-morning day was overcast and flurries threatened later. The whole town had a winter sleepiness. Ben drove to a coffee shop and parked. They didn’t move. 

“Did you have a nice Christmas?” he asked.

“Yeah, pretty good. You?”

“Not bad. We’re leaving today to go skiing in Aspen, uh my family is. My mom thought it would be nice to get out of town for a bit.” 

“Aspen? Cool. I’ve never been. Have a good time.” 

The conversation stalled. Rey was at a loss.  _ He just shows up and expects me to be normal when he’s basically ignored me for the past two weeks?  _

The car ticked as the engine cooled and she could hear the sound of tires droning through the slushy streets outside. She went to unbuckle her seatbelt to get out. He put his hand on hers, stopping her. 

“Rey, I-I’m sorry. I don’t know...I’m not very good at this.”

“Apologizing?”

“No, well that but…” he stared out the window into the bright interior of the coffee shop. “You are the most confident girl I’ve ever met.” he looked at her.

“What?” she was flabbergasted. “No, trust me I’m not. I’m--” He picked up her hand and held it and she quieted. He continued, “You are, you just seem...so entirely yourself. I’m probably not explaining it well but you just...it’s like you’re free. You don’t let other people’s opinions or ideas stop you. Does that make sense?” 

“Yes, but I can tell you with certainty that’s not true. I worry and obsess as much as the next person.” 

“Maybe, but I can’t tell.” He stroked the back of her hand with his thumb, “I can’t help but feel like I will never be...good enough for you.” 

“What? No. I never said--”

“I know. It’s me, it’s my thing.”

“Ben, I don’t care what you did in the past...I care about how you are now. Who you are now. That’s what matters.” 

He nodded. “Nothing happened you know?”

“What?”

“At the party, Brody’s party? I went and had a couple of beers and was...well a miserable son-of-a-bitch because I was mad. Not at you,” he reassured her, “at me. For being mean to you and being…"

“A dick to my friends?” 

He smiled wryly. “Yeah, that too. Anyway, some...other people showed up and I just decided to bail. I went home and went to bed.” 

Rey couldn’t help wonder about the pause before ‘other people’ but she let it go.  _ It’s in the past, let it lie.  _

He sighed deeply, “Then the next morning, I just felt so...pissed...like how dare she think I was doing those things. You know? I know it wasn’t fair but it was just how I felt?” 

“Ben, you can’t control what other people think or feel, it doesn’t work that way.”

“I know, but life would be so much easier if I could,” he grinned sheepishly. 

“Dream on,” she snorted, “you can be so intense, you know? You expect everyone to behave and act in a particular way just because  _ you say  _ that’s how it should be. People aren’t robots to command. People are messy and complicated and--” she gestured aimlessly. 

“Unpredictable?” 

“Exactly!” She paused, “Like you, why did you come to see me today?” 

“Oh! I almost forgot. I got you a present.” He reached into his parka pocket and pulled out a small box, wrapped neatly with bright Christmas paper and ties with a floppy green ribbon. She took it, surprised. 

“Ben, I didn’t…” 

“No. I know. It’s ok. It’s just a little thing. Open it!” He gestured eagerly. She pulled the ribbon and tore off the wrapping revealing a small box, she lifted the lid and inside, resting on fluffy cotton batting, was a medallion. Curiously she pulled it out. It was his gold medal from the fencing tournament, but he’d somehow had the ribbon removed and it was fitted with a key fob.

“Your medal…?”

“I found a place at the mall and they turned it into like a keychain thingy. After the competition, I  really thought you deserved a medal, now you have one.” He finished in a rush. “I know it’s lame but--”

“No. Thank you. I love it.” She turned it over, engraved on the back was,  _ “For Rey, when I bow to the inevitable”.  _

“You keep saying you’re going to beat me one day…” he shrugged. 

She was inexpressibly touched. 

“I know I’m asking a lot but can we try again.” 

She yes was in her mouth but she hesitated. “I want to Ben, I do, but I can’t keep dealing with these emotional ups and downs. I just wanted something uncomplicated.”

He frowned but nodded. She went on. “I like you Ben and you’re fun and smart and,” she lifted the keychain, “really sweet and thoughtful. But I hate feeling like I’m wandering through a minefield never knowing if what I say or do will…” She couldn’t finish feeling terrible. 

“No I get it. That’s fair,  I’ve given you no reason to expect differently.” 

She said, “It’s like you decide, “ok. I like this person. I want to be with her. She’s it. Then when they aren’t quite ready or even at the same place, you get frustrated and mad and…” She couldn’t begin to outline the enormity of what she wanted to say. 

“Wished people were robots…mine to command.” He smiled. “That was harsh but pretty accurate, now that I think about it.” 

She stared at the snow starting to drift down out of the sky and envelop the outside world in muffling whiteness. She felt like she could lie down outside and let the snow cover her, entomb her until spring. 

“Rey, I understand. I’m not happy about it but I do understand.” She looked at him. Guilt and sadness in her eyes. “But I don’t know if I can deal with it if you aren’t in my life in some way. You just--there’s a calmness there. I feel it when I’m near it. You said you care about who I am now. Well, who I am now is someone who wants to do better--who wants to be better.” He dragged a hand through his hair, “Fuck I am so bad at this. I am asking, can we just, for real, start again and just be friends or whatever. No drama, no pressure, just friends?” He risked a glance, wary hope in his eyes.

She sat for a moment, considering.  _ He’s not your project to fix, girl, you have enough to worry about. But...it’s Ben… _

Solemnly she took his hand and shook it gravely, “Hello, I’m Rey Walker, I’m new here and you are?” 

He barked a startled laugh and swept her into a hug. “You had me worried.” 

She hugged him back. “I know, but seriously. Friends. And by friends I mean, you really act like one. You stop with the moody shit.” She felt him nod. “I will call you on it and you can’t get mad, you’ll have to figure it out because I won’t do that for you. Life lesson time and school is in session.”

“Thank you.” She felt him kiss her forehead. 

“Merry Christmas, Big Ben.” 

 ***

Once they returned to school he seemed easier, lighter. Maybe it was the skiing, maybe it was the talk but Rey felt a tiny knot she hadn’t even been aware of in her heart loosen. She’d confided in Rose and had asked her to give Ben a chance; Rey was fairly confident Finn and Poe would just follow her lead. 

“So you were kinda, sorta seeing each other and now?” Rose asked.

“Strictly friends.” said Rey.

“Uh-huh...You sure that’s what you want? You did seem happy.”

“I know, he does make me happy. But when he doesn’t…” Rey heaved a sigh, “ yeah, I think this is for the best. Let’s all just be chill and get along.” 

“I dunno, you two have... _ something _ .” 

“Well, that’s not something I ever expected to hear from you.” Rey said. 

“Hey, who am I to deny sparkage,” Rose held up her hands in admission, “there was always a hint of a grand passion, a very  _ Wuthering Heights _ vibe with you two. I can’t help it if I’m a sucker for romance.” 

Rey snorted, “Save your passion and grand romance for English class. Exams are coming up and I want to keep things simple.” 

“Life can’t always be simple” Rose said gently, “I know I’ve not been Ben’s biggest fan but even I can’t miss the attraction between you two. Finn sure as hell didn’t.”

“What’s this about Finn?” Rey asked shocked. 

“Only that the boy has been crushing on you since he met you.”

“No! I don’t believe it.”  _ Not even gonna think about that…  _ “Anyway, you’re into him, aren’t you?” 

“I think in my case the crush is sadly unrequited,” said Rose. “Whatever shall I do?” she laid her hand on her forehead like a Southern Belle, “When the boy I long for is smitten with another.” 

“Ok, you’re really laying it on thick now.” Rey laughed. “Just ask him out, jeeze.” 

“We’ll see. Anyway, I think our respective dating history has proven we both suck at this kind of thing.” 

“All the more reason to focus on school.” 

“I can see it now, Rose Tico and Rey Walker” Rose made to spell it out in front of them “Class Valedictorian and Salutatorian 1998...and two of the saddest virgins to ever graduate high school. Future plans: joining a nunnery and owning lots of cats.” 

“Fuck off!” Rey giggled, “You are terrible, Rose, never change.”  
  



	17. Chapter 17

Then the crunch was on, Coruscant Academy was a top tier school for a reason. Academics were paramount. The weeks counted down and Rey was consumed with study sessions, final papers and projects, and what felt like a nearly insurmountable gulf of work to plow through.

_I don’t know if I would have survived this pressure if it wasn’t for my friends._

With a cautious politeness that was practically Victorian, Ben made wary but oddly charming overtures to Rose, Finn and Poe; whereas before he was merely content with Rey’s attention. Her friends in kind reciprocated. Poe and Finn broke the dam first with the subtle language of teenaged boys everywhere; part shop-talk about music, sports teams, and video-games and part carefully considered ribbing and insults. Tentative jabs at first, which Ben returned with an easy humour. Finally ramping up to some truly inventive abuse which usually resulted in gales of laughter from all three.

“How is that funny?” Rey said to Rose after witnessing one of these encounters.

“I guess you need a penis to really appreciate the highbrow intellectualism of ‘yo mama’ jokes.” she replied.

So despite the grind of it all, Rey was pleased to write her exams feeling mostly content. She was doing well in school and her friends were getting along... _I have everything I want…_

She looked over to see Ben throw back his head in laughter as Poe finally finished telling an elaborate joke that involved acting parts of it out in a rude fashion.  She could see the scruff of his goatee and a tiny nick where he’d cut himself just under his jaw. Her mouth watered suddenly as the notion of licking him there, tasting the copper of blood, the warm flesh of his skin in her mouth, filled her being. Want rose up in her like a fever. _You don’t have everything...but you can’t have that. Too complicated. Keep it simple, stupid girl._

She looked back at her notes and with an effort, focused on American History.

***

January ended in a blast of wintery weather, pretty decent grades for all of them, and a feeling of relief. So when the Poe showed up for the flyer for the rave, their curiosity was piqued. The pressure of exams had left Rey feeling pent-up and in need of a little excitement.

“Check it out. My cousins in Jersey go to these all the time. We should go.” The flyer was messily printed on a neon pink paper, it looked handmade with scrawling hand-drawn graphics. He slapped it on the cafe table in front of them during lunch.

“Why is there even a rave here in Camden anyway? Why not Portland?” Rose asked. “We aren’t exactly a party city."

“Yeah but we’ve got the school kids, plus the town kids...that’s enough to have a decent showing. These things are usually underground and you only know about them last minute. They probably don’t want the cops to find out.” said Poe.

“Case in point,” Finn said, “No details. No time, no place...it just says rave and the month and all those freaky pictures and junk. How are we going to go if we don’t know that?”

Poe studied the flyer, “Shit you’re right!” He frowned then, “I know my cousin said sometimes they leave clues to follow to lead you to the location. Plus I’ll bet some other people at school know about it too, we can ask them. It’ll be fun! Like a scavenger hunt!”

“I’m not sure...this seems a bit sketchy.” said Rose, “I mean, we’re sneaking around to a hidden location to go to a dance? That may not even be a dance…”

“Not just any dance, a rave.” Poe replied.

“What’s the difference?”

“You got lights, you got a DJ, you got some glow sticks, you got freaky costumes and party people…” Poe elaborated.

“Drugs.” Ben interjected.

They all looked at him. “I’ve heard drugs are a pretty big part of it.”  Rose looked a bit alarmed.

“Ok drugs, but so what? It’s not like we’re exactly innocent babes in the woods here and we can ‘just say no’ like good little children...or not. I mean, it’s not an opium den we’re going to, just a rave. C’mon Rose, don’t you want to live a little?” Poe pleaded.

“I do like to dance…” she said slowly.

“Plus we’re only young once so? Finn you in?”

“I’m down for the adventure but no way I’m using X or any of that shit. My mom would skin me alive. Plus, you need someone sober if things get weird.”

“Getting weird is part of the charm.” Poe chided him.

“No dice. You can if you want, no judgement here.”

“Ok whatever, Rey, Ben? We gonna do this?”

“I’m not really much of a dancer but,” Ben shrugged. “I’ll go if you do, Rey.”

She thought about it, raves weren’t exactly unknown in Arizona but she’d never gone to one. “What the hell, why not? We’ve got each other and if it sucks or looks to be a major shitshow of illegal activity we can just leave and do something else.” she warmed to the idea.

“Alright!” Poe gave her a high-five. “My girl’s gonna get her dance on. Maybe her freak on too.” Rey smacked his arm. “Or not, maybe it will just be an evening of erudite conversation and a thoughtful exchange of ideas…” he joked.

“Nah,” Finn said, “I’m betting on the latter. We’re all going to get our freak on.”

They all grinned at each other, excited by the idea of adventuring off the beaten path.


	18. Chapter 18

Rey and her friends set to decoding the puzzle of the flyer with the same tenacity they’d applied to their schoolwork. Poe called his cousins and they’d given a few clues on some of the symbols and drawings on the flyer but not much more than that. Finn applied his considerable charm to a few kids known to be partiers and was successful.

He met them in the snowy quad during lunch and led them over to a lonely bulletin board. Flipping past the old notices and advertisements, he revealed. A wrinkled photocopy with a picture of Van Halen’s Jump album cover in black and white and more of the drawings and symbols drawn on it in red marker, there were strips on the bottom with a phone number printed on them. Most were torn off.

“Ok check this out, the picture is a clue to the date, a cherub means?” he prompted.

“Valentine’s Day!” Rose exclaimed. “Well let’s call the number!”

“I tried, no answer, just rings and rings…”

“Oh! My cousins told me about this, you have to call the day of, someone will answer and give you the next clue.” Poe said.

“Cool, this is kind of fun.” Rey said.

“Yeah but this much secrecy means it’s definitely underground. Are we sure we want to go still?” Ben said dubiously.

“It’s Camden, Ben. We’ll know most of the kids there and anyway. It’s not like there’s a hardcore criminal element here.” Rey replied.

“You’d be surprised…” he said. She dismissed this with a little wave. “Don’t be paranoid.”

“People, listen.” Poe clapped his hands for attention. “Where are we going to meet up to make the call and look for the next clue?” He pointed at Finn and himself, “We shouldn’t really call from the dorms, too many eavesdroppers.”

“I told my parents I was sleeping over at Rey’s…” Rose said.

“And *I* told Luke, Rose was coming over but we were going to go to a midnight movie and would be back late. He won’t be suspicious but would definitely notice if the three of you showed up.”

“Ok. Here’s the plan.” Ben said, “Poe and Finn you come to my house, I’ll tell my mom we’re going to go for pizza then stay up all night gaming in the guest house.”

“You have a guest house? Well aren’t we fancy, Richie Rich” Finn interjected.

“Shut up, it’s mostly used for storage. Anyway. You two meet up with us downtown by the bus-station. There’s a payphone there we can use to make the call. You can leave your car in the parking lot there and all take one car if we need to drive.” They all nodded at Ben’s idea.

“Eeee, this is really happening!” Rose clapped her hands. “I’ve never been to a rave, what do you wear?”

Poe said, “Go crazy. Let your freak flag fly baby…”

Rey stamped her feet, the winter air had a bite and she wasn’t wearing tights with her school uniform. “Can we plan the outfits inside? I’m freezing out here.”

***

Rey and Rose saw the boys standing in the parking lot of the bus station as they pulled in.

“Whatever happened to letting our freak flags fly?” Rey murmured as she saw all three similarly dressed; Ben and Finn were in jeans and tees over long sleeved henleys, Poe had mixed it up a little by wearing a vintage mechanic’s shirt over a wife-beater.

“Never mind them, _we_ look great.” said Rose.

Rey had let Rose talk her into ‘experimenting’ with her look and they’d spent the past week tweaking their outfits. Rose was wearing a lilac baby doll dress and fishnet tights; she’d fixed her hair with pretty little butterfly clips. However, she’d achieved true sartorial perfection with Rey’s outfit; Rey was wearing a clingy deep green velvet bodysuit and cut-off jean shorts, black garters snaked down her thighs holding up sheer black stockings, finished off with Doc Marten boots. Rose had twisted her hair into little buns and added a black velvet choker.

“I don’t know if this is really me.” Rey turned looking at herself in the mirror after she’d first put it on. She looked down at her boobs, “I mean, these are kind of… ‘hello!’ aren’t they?”

“Hey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. I don’t think anyone will be complaining…”

They certainly weren’t. As Rey and Rose stepped carefully over the snowy streets to the three waiting boys there was a low whistle from Poe and a “Daaaaaaamn.” from Finn. Ben just looked thunderstruck. Rose preened and twirled, “You like?” Rey fought to keep her arms from crossing over her chest. “It’s not too much, is it?” she asked, looking at Ben. She felt herself flush when she saw his attention was riveted on the straps of her garters, his eyes following them up to the hem of her shorts.

“Huh? Uh no. No! It’s very…”

“Sexy!” Rose blurted. “Face it Rey, you are a hot bitch tonight!” She giggled. _She’s enjoying this just a bit too much._

Rey shivered, they’d left their coats in the car. “Can we hurry up and call? It’s cold.”

They huddled into the phone booth and Finn dialed the number. “It’s ringing! Hello?” Finn listened intently then hung up, “He said, ‘Broadway Variety, ask for the eggman…’ then he hung up.”

Ben said, I know that, it’s over by where the old cannery is...I don’t know any eggman though.”

“Let’s go and see.” said Rose, excitedly. They piled into Ben’s car. Rey in the front. She kept catching Ben sneaking glances at her thighs, fascinated by the whiteness of her thigh bisected by the black strap and the sheer band of the stocking. A tiny pool of heat in her belly spread as she saw him look guiltily away when she caught his eye. She smiled out the window at the dark snowy night. _I guess I am a hot bitch tonight. Who would’ve thought a tiny bit of fabric would be so interesting to boys._

_***_

They pulled into the parking lot at Broadway Variety as another car full of boisterous teens pulled away.

“They must be going to the rave too.” said Finn, “we could just follow them.”

“No I think we need a password too. Better go inside.” said Poe.

Inside the store the bright fluorescent lighting revealed a cluttered store that catered mostly to liquor sales based on the sheer volume of stock. A large beerbellied man with a grizzled grey beard sat on a stool behind the counter. He said nothing just stared at them. Poe poked Finn in the back, he startled then stammered. “We’re here for the eggman?”

“Five dollars.” the man growled. Finn dragged out his wallet and paid.

“Cooler, back there.” The man grunted and pointed a stubby nicotine stained finger.  They shuffled down the aisle to the back. Inside the cooler a thin, scrappy guy wearing a lumber jacket sat on a folding chair, he held a large basket of candy Easter eggs wrapped in red foil in his lap.

“You the eggman?” Poe asked.

The man nodded and handed him an egg. Silently Poe took it, then shrugged at the rest.

“Are you gonna tell us where the rave is?” Finn asked.

The man just grinned at them revealing yellowed teeth, eyes crawling all over Rey and Rose.

“Unwrap the egg.” Ben suggested. They filed out of the store and opened the egg. It was chocolate and otherwise without markings.

“Maybe there’s something inside?” Rose suggested. Poe broke it open, inside was a small curled scrap of paper on one side was an address on the other the word EROS.

“That must be the password, where’s the address though?”

They looked at Ben. He shook his head, “I don’t recognize it...maybe we can ask the guy inside?” They trooped back into the store.

“Do you know where this place is?” Ben asked politely.

“Maps are over there, ain’t a library though, you want one, you buy it.” the man behind the counter drawled. Ben paid and they returned to the car to figure out the address. They were headed deeper into the old manufacturing/cannery district of Camden. Not much in the way of industry happened there now. “Plenty of abandoned factories for a rave and it’s on the edge of town so less likely to attract the cops.” said Ben.

They started the car and drove off into the night.

***

The closer they got the more certain they were headed in the right direction. Gaggles of teens, some from Coruscant, most not, were streaming towards a series of abandoned factories. Ben parked on the shoulder and they jumped out.

“Alright. It’s going to be dark and crazy in there, what the plan if we get separated?” said Poe.

“Let’s meet....over there.” Finn pointed down a few blocks. “By those loading docks. If the cops show up, don’t wait, grab whoever is closest and scram.”

“Huddle up,” Poe slung his arms around Finn and Rose’s shoulders. Rey and Ben joined in. “We are going to have fun, maybe get inebriated, maybe get some action,” he grinned, “but most importantly we are going to dance our asses off. Here...” he dug into his pocket and handed out little plastic glow-bracelets. They all strapped them on, laughing, jangling and bouncy with nerves and excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will neither confirm nor deny that I once went to a rave dressed in Rey's exact outfit... :P


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning-drug use

They had to sneak through a jimmied open rolling warehouse door. Three big guys were asking for passwords, collecting the entry fee, and searching backpacks. They wandered into the huge empty space, there was a spray painted arrow pointing to a set of stairs leading downwards. They could hear the muffled thump of bass. They headed down the concrete steps. The music grew in volume, pounding steadily over the happy excited chatter of kids. Rey hooked an arm through Ben’s and turned a corner, poised above a large basement area. Bright lights made her wince and she paused to get her night vision back.

It was pandemonium. Dry ice smoke and brilliant coloured lights shot everywhere through the space. Big stacks of speakers were blasting so loud she could feel the music beating in her chest like a second heart. Silhouetted figures of kids jumped and danced, appearing in an eye blink, in and out of the sweeping laser lights as they massed together in front of a raised dais. A DJ with turntables and electronic equipment swayed back and forth in front of a huge video screen that was playing psychedelic swirls of colour and random video clips. Stationed here and there on tall risers, extravagantly dressed go-go dancers writhed and twirled. Streaks of glow sticks blazed in the surging crowd of dancers. Everything was chaos and energy, Rey was enthralled.

Ben gently tugged her down the stairs. Ringing the walls were kids standing and shouting to be heard over the music. At one end, rough planks laid across stacked milk cartons in front of ice buckets filled with beer made a rude bar. Ben leaned in to shout in her ear.

“Want a beer?”

Rey shook her head, she didn’t need a beer. The driving pulse of the room was excitement enough. She laughed delightedly. Rose skipped over as Ben joined Finn and Poe for drinks.

“Isn’t this amazing!”  she screamed.

“I know! It’s crazy!”

“C’mon. I want to dance!” Rose led her into the crowd and they gave themselves over to the beat.

Rey quickly lost any inhibitions she had about her outfit. Everywhere around her people were dressed even more outrageously. _Is that girl in a bikini?_ She saw the girl, bedecked with candy necklaces and wearing huge platform shoes, grinding in between two shirtless guys.  The bikini made sense, soon Rey was feeling hot and sweaty. “I need a drink, I’ll find you.” she told Rose.

Rey wormed her way to the edge, she saw Finn talking to Ben, Poe was lost somewhere in the crowd. She bounced over. “Having fun?”

“This place is nuts,” Finn said.

Ben smiled, “ _You_ look like you’re having fun.”

“I am. I haven’t danced in ages. This place--” she swept an arm at the crowd, “No one cares, you can just let go. It’s awesome! You should come dance too!”

Ben laughed and shook his head. “No no. No one needs to witness my shame.”

“No one will care!”

“It’s ok. I'm having a good time people watching.”

“I need water. Do they have it?”

Ben escorted her to the bar. Rey grabbed her water just as she heard a loud squeal and a pretty brunette girl launched herself at Ben. He caught her clumsily.

“Ben! I haven’t seen you in ages!” She swayed drunkenly into him, hand circling his waist.

“Hey, Vanessa.” Ben gently tried to detach himself but she leaned into him. “Remember how much fun we had at that beach party last summer? Why didn’t you call me back?” she teased. “I miss you.” Vanessa nuzzled his neck. Ben caught Rey’s eyes apologetically.

Rey drank her water, feeling a sharp pang, as she realized the nature of their relationship. _It’s not like you thought he was a monk...anyway, you’re just friends right?_

Vanessa was excitedly screeching a story into Ben’s ear, her hands wrapped around his biceps and she rose up on tiptoe to get closer. Ben stood, awkwardly nodding, looking over Vanessa’s shoulder at Rey.

Rey shrugged casually, trying for diffidence. Inside, she tamped down the anger and hurt. _We aren’t dating, he’s not your boyfriend, why should I care?_

She glared at the possessive way Vanessa clung to Ben. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to find Hux.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here.” He called to her. Making a pretense of leaning in to be heard over the music, he draped an arm over her shoulder. Rey fought off the urge to shake him off. _Let’s see how he likes watching people crawl all over me..._ she thought.

“Hey, yeah it's pretty cool.” she said.

“I go to these all the time. I know the DJ.”

_Of couuuurrrse he does._ Rey fought to keep a flirty expression on her face, aware of Ben still talking to the amazing, clinging vine that was Vanessa.

“Is this your first time at a rave?” Hux asked, when Rey nodded he smirked. “If you really want to do it right, you have to roll on E. Really changes the whole experience…” Rey was half listening, Vanessa had drunkenly kissed Ben on the cheek and she appeared to be aiming for another one, this time on the lips. She wrenched her gaze away, tuning in to Hux again.

“I can hook you up, if you want.” Hux held out a tiny pink pill, stamped with a little heart. Rey was about to say no but she glanced up again, saw Vanessa with her arms around Ben’s neck. _Why doesn’t he tell her to fuck off? Why doesn’t he tell her he’s with me?_

_Because he isn’t, is he? I said I just wanted to be friends…_ With a bitter smile Rey plucked up the pill and downed it. “Thanks.” She headed back to the dance floor, abandoning Hux and Ben. _I’m sure he’s full of shit, it’s probably a breath-mint or whatever. But if it isn’t?_

Rey found she didn’t really care that much.

***

She pushed her way through the crowd until she found Rose again.

"I saw you talking to Ben,where did he go?" Rose asked.

"Probably too busy with Vanessa." Rey's voice dripped scorn.

"Who's Vanessa?"

"I don't know, some girl he knows. Let's dance!" Rey felt loose and dangerous. "Hux gave me some E but it's probably fake, knowing him…"

Rose stopped and grabbed her, "What! Why would you do that? You can't trust that guy!"

"Oh relax," Rey was playing at flippant. _She's right. That was dumb. But it's just one little pill. Even if it's real, you'll be ok…_

Rose just shook her head and left the dance floor. For a moment Rey almost followed her but the nasty spiteful feeling rose up again. _I'm tired of doing the right thing… I want to do something wrong..._

***

The pull of the music was hypnotic. Rey felt the thudding line of the bass and drums in sync with her pounding heart.  

She danced in a pool of light like a fly trapped in amber. Nothing existed outside the light. Through slitted eyes she had glimpses of faces contorted with pleasure; gleaming limbs raised in reverent postures into the strobing lights. The air was thick with the mingled scents of cigarettes, spilled beer, and perfumed sweat.

She felt like she could dance forever, floating on bliss. No yesterday, no tomorrow, just the endless eternal now of the dancefloor.

The bassline sharpened, became sinister and Rey rode it down. Harsh metallic blasts made her howl in savage joy. Behind her, warm boyflesh pressed into her, unknown hands stroking and urging her to a wilder pace. She melted into the rhythm. Wild shivers of sound wrapped around her. She blinked--a shutter shot of anonymous faces swam into view. Bright glimpse of teeth, sunk into soft lips, sweat slick throats arched, eyes glassy with pleasure and promise. And she danced amidst it all.

She is a beautiful girl and she smiles and chemicals slide through her and she lets the bass pound and shimmer and she rises into the warmth and joy and

Ben. Ben is there. He is a beautiful boy and his mouth is on her ear and she feels the velvet of his words and she pulls him to her and he is her boy and she marks him with her lipsticked mouth holding her beautiful boy and she is

Outside in the frozen air and the stars spill across the sky forever and he is there in her arms holding her against the rough brick of the wall as he kisses her mouth and she falls and falls into the arms of her beautiful boy forever as he kisses tears and she is smiling at her boy her beautiful boy

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was the scene I had in my mind that led to all this. I appreciate you patiently following along on this journey with me. I have the rest planned out and I'm busily writing away. Next update gets down and dirty!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning from Teen to Explicit

The cold night air revived her and she pressed herself against the solid warmth of Ben's chest.  He held her close, warm hands on her back gently stroking, pulling her back to earth. They huddled in a little alcove in the back of the factory. Beyond the snow covered parking lot, a sagging chain link fence revealed frozen scrubland and an almost full moon shone winterlight down onto the frozen drifts. They were alone. 

Rey felt Ben’s fingers toying with the strap of her garter. She smiled up at him. 

“Can’t keep your hands off me huh?” 

He didn’t blush, just slanted a lazy grin. “These are very nice. I like the look.” 

She was still riding the warm glory of the ecstacy; her blood was honey, rich and golden. She gasped as Ben’s knuckle traced up her inner thigh leaving a line of fire. She stepped wider allowing him access. He leaned into kiss her again and she moaned into his mouth as his fingers slipped under the hem of her jean shorts seeking her warmth. Her hands moved under his shirt to trace up his sides. He flinched a little from the chill in her fingers. He grabbed her thigh, using the strap of the garter to hook her leg more closely round him; his fingers dug into her soft skin and she felt his hardness pressed against her but it was just a torment. She needed more. She stepped back, leaning against the brick wall for support. She slowly unbuckled her belt, seeing him watch her fingers work the black leather. He caged her in with his arms as she stepped out of the shorts. 

“Rey…” he breathed. Stroking down the velvet of the bodysuit, she guided his hand to the fastening at her crotch. The snaps loosened and cool winter air bathed her heated pussy. She pushed the suit up her stomach, revealing the satin of the garter belt and nothing else. He dropped to his knees in the snow, kissing the smooth skin of her belly, working lower. She said nothing, just watched as his hands moved to cup the backs of her thighs. His mouth was brushing soft kisses on her sweat-damp curls. She smiled down and him and ran her hand through his soft hair. 

He licked her then, long and slow and she arched into a delicious groan. Her fingers worked love knots in the silk of his hair as he slowly, deliberately ate her out.

She was watching his face as he pressed his mouth to her cunt; using his tongue on her clit. The heat in his eyes was scorching her and she sought relief in the cold brilliance of the stars, falling again into the infinite black sky. Distantly, she could hear herself, pleading and urging him on with hoarse cries and filthy endearments. She was very close. He helped her, pulling her close, the blade of his nose ground into her belly. There was no deliberation now; he lifted her leg over his shoulder and sought her wet hole with his tongue then finally his finger, cold and delicious from the winter air, slid into her silky heat.  

“Oh Ben, I’m going to…” She couldn't finish, too lost in sensation. He didn’t stop, but she felt him groan against her. That was enough; she came, seeing her panting cries turn to clouds in the freezing night air.

***

Suddenly they heard the crunch of car tires on packed snow. Ben rose and pressed her back into the corner of the alcove. His body shielding her from view. Adrenaline fueled panic warred with the endorphins surging in her blood. She was very aware of how her knees were trembling. 

“Don’t move. Stay still.” Ben whispered to her. She froze against him, frightened. He reassured her, “It’s dark, they won’t see us if we don’t move.” He pulled her to him and they waited. The car--a long silver Mercedes--rounded the corner of the factory and cruised slowly across the parking lot. She felt Ben tense.

“Shit...Once they’ve gone we need to get the others and go.” he whispered. Rey nodded, too nervous to speak.  _ He recognized the car...does he know them? _

She watched the car approach. She couldn’t bear to look, she pressed her face to Ben’s chest. He pulled her closer and went still, she tried to calm herself but shudders wracked her body. They hid, pressed into the corner of the alcove, silent and waiting to see if they would get caught. The car rolled slowly by, never pausing and disappeared around another corner.

Hurriedly, she dressed and they crept along the side of the building and back inside. There was no time to talk, to ask Ben how he knew the car. The din and confusion of the rave surrounded them once more. Urgently, they pushed through the crowd. Ben never let go of Rey’s hand. They found Finn first.

Ben grabbed him and shouted in his ear over the music, “Where’s Rose and Poe? We need to go! Cops will be coming soon.”

Alarmed, Finn didn’t question it, just helped them search through the hordes of people. Rey kept stumbling, still shaky from adrenaline. Ben’s hand remained tight round hers and buoyed her up. Finally they found them dancing, Ben plunged into the masses of dancers and dragged them out. 

“We have to go!” Ben said. Rose protested, trying to shake him off. “If the cops aren’t outside already they’re on the way.” That woke them; the five of them headed for the stairs. Ben paused,  “Let’s go out the back way, just to be safe.”

“How do you know where that is?” Finn asked but Ben ignored them and led them out.  They stumbled out into the frigid air. In the distance they could see blue and red flashing lights, racing down the road towards them. 

“We can’t leave right away. They’ll stop us.” Ben paced, thinking furiously. 

“Loading dock!” Finn shouted. 

“Right! C’mon.” They raced over the snow packed lot, slipping and sliding and down the lane towards the loading docks. They ducked down in an abandoned bay.

“They aren’t using sirens!” Rose blurted. The lights were growing closer, Rey thought the entire police department of Camden was headed their way. 

“They don’t want to warn them. Man! So many kids are going to get caught, this is fucked!” said Poe.

“Should we go back and--” Finn rose from his crouch. Rey grabbed the back of his shirt. “It’s too late.” 

Six police cars roared up to the factory, two went racing round back. The sirens finally blipped on, rending the night air with squealing cacophony. Cops jumped out of cruisers and some started towards the building, the rest set up a loose perimeter. It was like watching an anthill get kicked over, people started pouring out only to be snared and corralled, kids ran in all directions. 

“Ok. Now. They’ll be too busy. Let’s go.” Ben said. They pelted down the frozen lane and tumbled into the car. Ben started it, he rolled out slowly. 

“What are you waiting for! Go go!” Poe cried. 

“No! That will attract attention. Be cool.” Ben drove sedately down the lane, lights off until they reached the main road. Then they raced for home. 


	21. Chapter 21

They were too wired from the near miss with the cops. Eventually they all wound up at a late night truck stop. They huddled together in a booth and ordered breakfast. It was closing in on four in the morning anyway.

Rey noted the way Ben made sure to slide in next to her at the booth, she smiled down at the menu.

“I wonder how many kids from school were caught?” Poe said.

“It’s not looking good, there were _so many_ cops. Will they get expelled?” Finn replied.

Ben answered, “Not likely, most of these kids’ parents have deep pockets. Coruscant will find a way to ‘forgive’ this transgression with some creative ‘character building’ punishment…I should know. They wouldn’t readmit me without a stupidly long essay and some volunteer work.”

There was a beat of silence as they recalled Ben’s brushes with the law. Rey found his hand under the table and squeezed it.

“The thing that I don’t understand is how they knew?” Finn said, “I mean we had to figure out all those clues and shit. It’s far enough out of town that there wouldn’t have been a noise complaint…”

“Someone ratted.” said Poe, “They rolled up quiet, they wanted it to be an ambush.”

“It was Selectman Snoke. We saw his car outside. Just before the cops came” Ben answered quietly.

Rose swore, “That fucker! He must have tipped them off.”

Rey quietly digested the fact that Ben was familiar enough with Selectman Snoke to recognise his car. _At least he was able to warn us, I don’t think Finn and I have the financial pull to convince Coruscant to readmit us plus Luke would be so disappointed if I was arrested._

“Wait. What were you guys doing outside?” Rose asked. Rey felt a blush burn on her face while she answered, “Just getting a little air. It was pretty hot.”

“Uh huh.” Rose grabbed Rey’s hand, “Scoot over boys, Rey and I need the washroom.”

Bemused, the guys let them out of the booth, “Damn, way to embody the cliche about girls going to the washroom in groups.” Finn joked. Rose ignored him and hustled Rey into the ladies.

She whirled once they were inside, “Ok spill.”

“What?” Rey couldn’t make eye-contact.

Rose just cocked her eyebrows and crossed her arms. Rey caved, “So Ben and I were outside maybe...making out a little…” _More than making out, he made you scream._ She felt a warmth spread in her core at the memory.

“I knew it! You two horndogs couldn’t stay away from each other.” Rose grinned. Rey shrugged unable to deny her friend’s intuition. “You should have seen his face when I finally found him and told him you were rolling on X.” Rose frowned and glowered in imitation. “He was all, ‘Where is she?’” she imitated his tenor growl. “Then he practically shoved this chick trying to flirt with him to the ground.”

“That would be Vanessa.” Rey snarked. “But he did that really? Just shoved her like that?” Rey preened a little at the thought.

“Oh yeah. She stopped existing the second I mentioned your name.” Rose giggled. “How are you feeling by the way? Still rolling?”

“A little, mostly I feel really good. Happy. Despite all the craziness.” Normally Rey would have been paralytic with panic at the near miss with the police but she found she was just very accepting of everything. Almost getting caught, running away, being with Ben. It all had the flavor of destined events. She shrugged at Rose, unable to put it into words.

“Going to do it again?” Rose asked.

Rey thought for a moment, she was willing to chalk tonight up to teenage hijinks. “I think not. I don’t think I’m constitutionally able to handle this much criminal activity on a regular basis…”

“I meant Ben.” Rose smirked.

Rey looked in shock at her friend then they burst into laughter.

“I’m happy for you Rey, I really am and not just ‘cause it gives me a shot at Finn, like I said, you two are meant to be.” Rose said and Rey rolled her eyes. “No, allow me my romantic moment here you cynic...also, I’m willing to admit I may have been wrong about him...he saved our asses back there.”

“He did, didn’t he?” Rey felt the grin spread across her cheeks. _I knew it. I knew he wasn’t a bad guy. Everyone can change._

“So what’s the deal, you guys together now...finally?”

Rey looked at her friend. “Yes. Yes we are.” she decided.

***

And they were. With no fanfare or dramatic declarations they just came together. As spring came to Coruscant, Rey had never been happier.

The relationship rippled through Coruscant like all high-school relationships. A buzz of fevered gossip and speculation that eventually settled into a ‘well duh’ assuredness. Finn was a little bit reserved with them for a week or so but Rey’s pure and simple joy must have won him over. And if he was still crushing on her she was too wrapped up in Ben to care.

There was no drama, no sturm und drang, just walking hand and hand with Ben, quick kisses at his locker, the easy feel of his arm around her waist. Alone with him, Rey tumbled further down the rabbit hole of sexual discovery. She’d been a bit more inhibited, no gentle shove into debauchery from ecstasy meant she had time to stop and explore the myriad of ways he could kiss her. Slow, deep kisses that made her groan, hot, wet kisses that made her pant and shiver, little pecks on the forehead that never failed to make her feel adored.

The memory of his hands on her body, stroking and petting would intrude during classes. Rey would lose track, lost in the reverie, suddenly snapping back to earth horribly sure everyone could read her filthy imaginings from her heated blush.

Rey didn’t feel entirely comfortable completely divulging all that they did together to Rose. There were a few giggled confessions and disclosures but Rey found herself entering the strange country of sexuality without a map to guide her.

 _I wish I had a slutty friend I could ask._ So she did what she usually did when she was confronted with a problem to solve, she tackled it by researching. She started sneaking furtive reads of the women’s magazines, _Seventeen_ was a bit stodgy, _Sassy_ was better but she found _Glamour_ and _Cosmopolitan_ had the right tone of breezy forthrightness about sex she was seeking.

She had decided to approach the question of blow jobs with the strong, confident attitude that any _Cosmo_ girl needed to win over her man.

 _101 Ways to Bring Him To His Knees (When You’re On Yours)_ was the article that finally convinced her to take the plunge. _He seemed to like doing that for you...it’s just a dick...plus you like the feel of it when he’s on top of you._ Rey spent a delicious moment remembering being in the back seat of his car, shirt rucked up and Ben kissing her neck and breasts, slowly grinding against her. She idly doodled hearts in the margins of her notes.

“...so the impact on Tecumseh’s confederacy was, Rey?”

Rey jerked back to reality, “Huh? What?”

Her History teacher, Mr. Morrison was looking at her expectantly. There were a few titters in the class.

“Daydreaming again, that’s not like you Rey.” Morrison chided. “Anyone else care to assist? Yes Ben?”

Rey twisted in her seat as he answered, he smirked at her and raised his eyebrows. Her cheeks pinkened and she smiled back, saucily. _Let’s see if I can wipe that smile off your face later on Mr. Man...tonight Operation: Deep Throat goes into effect._

Rey turned back around, trying to quiet the excited hammering of her heart.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now we finally get to wallow in all the lovely floofy fluff that is first love, check your sugar level readers because it's about to get cute and sweet. And porny. Mustn't forget the porny. Assume Hard R to Explicit for the next little while. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hump day smut, that is all.

Rey called home after school.

“Can Ben come over? We’re going to be studying and catching up on homework...”

“Sure, but remember, I’ve got to head back for that department meeting...You guys ok, ordering in for supper?” Luke sounded a bit harried. He hated meetings.

Rey, who did indeed remember the meeting, assured him they’d be just fine. _House to ourselves, plausible deniability in place. All systems go…_ She hung up and hurried to meet Ben.

To be fair, they did make an effort. Books and papers were scattered over the kitchen table. Rey found it hard to concentrate. _How exactly does one lead up to that? Like, hey hun’ fancy a BJ?_ She smiled to herself.

“What’s so funny?” Ben asked.

“Nothing, I guess I’m just happy.”

“Something’s up, you’ve been a scatterbrain all day.” He leaned back and stretched. “Wanna order a pizza?”

She jumped up from her seat, “Or before we do that…” _now or never girl._ Rey grabbed Ben’s hand and led him to the living room. He grinned when she leaned in for a kiss.

“We could do this.” Ben finished. “Good plan.” He pulled her down onto the couch and started kissing her. Rey shot to her feet again, “Music!” she turned to the stereo system and fooled around with the CD’s

“Babe, don’t worry about it.” Ben sighed and reached for her again.

“Look. All done…” Sultry rhythm and blues started playing, Ben laughed, “Are you sure you don’t want to put on some Barry White?”

Rey pouted, “Shut up, it’s romantic.” He grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap, “I love that pout.” He nibbled on her lip and she giggled. The giggles quickly abated as the kiss deepened. Rey straddled his lap, feeling his erection pressing into her. His hands quickly roamed under her uniform skirt, cupping her ass. She tugged at his school tie, loosening it. He helped by undoing his shirt. Finally, she had her hands on his skin. She lightly dragged her nails down his chest and he shivered.  She broke off the kiss and slowly knelt between his legs. His eyes widened.

“Rey, what…” She leaned into him and started working his fly.

“Hush and let me do this,” she felt sexy and confident. Ben had frozen in place, just watched her, eyes hot as she undid him and stroked a finger over the stiff length of him, trapped against the navy fabric of his briefs.

 _Ok, so far so good...now for the next part..._ She slipped her fingers under the elastic band of his boxer-briefs and tugged. His cock sprang free. Rey indulged her curiosity and gently touched him. He twitched and she drew back. _Chill out. It’s a dick. You’ve seen those._ Another part of her mind was yammering _yeah but it’s Ben’s dick, his cock, his big cock and you’re going to suck that?_  True, his was a bit bigger ‘in person’ than their fevered gropings had suggested. She reached for him again and curled her hand around it. It felt softer and silkier than she expected, and the skin was darker, shading to a rosy tan on the head.  She squeezed the heavy firmness experimentally and Ben groaned. She quickly looked at him, wondering if she’d hurt him. His eyes were heavy lidded and she could see the pulse beating in his throat. _Cosmo said guys were visual...get ready for some sexy as hell visuals Ben._ She licked her lips and she leaned in, her tongue darting out to flick along his length. His scent and taste filled her head. _SaltmuskandBensmell..._ it was heady and carnal and she licked him slowly from base to tip. Ben’s hands threaded themselves into her hair. _Alright enough of the show..._ Rey opened her mouth and slowly slid him into her mouth. She could hear Ben’s choppy breaths. He moaned softly as she bobbed her head, taking him a bit deeper, holding him steady with one hand wrapped around him. _Go slow don’t choke...please god let me do this right..._ She focused on keeping an even tempo. She felt Ben’s hands starting to urge her to pick up the pace. She peeked a look up at him. The wanton look of need in his eyes surprised her. _Time for the sexy surprise..._ Cosmo had assured Rey that guys loved the next move she was planning, that it was toe curling if _you lightly scrape your teeth across the head...this is it..._ Rey bared her teeth.  The effect was immediate and not at all what Cosmo promised would happen.

Ben hissed and curled forward, cupping himself. Rey yelped and fell back. _Omg I hurt him._ Panic flared and embarrassed tears gathered.

“Shit! Ben I’msososorry!” Rey’s hands fluttered helplessly.

“It’s ok. I’m fine.” Ben said in a strangled voice.

“No no I hurt you but Cosmo said--I didn’t know--It’s my first time--” Rey jumped to her feet ready to flee. Ben’s arm reached out and grabbed her hand.

“Wait, just give me a sec.” He reeled her in and put her gingerly on his lap. “Let’s just all take a moment here...Rey it’s ok babe, I’m fine.” He wiped the few tears that had snuck down her cheek. Rey’s face burned. She felt like an idiot. _Fucking stupid Cosmo!_

Ben exhaled, “Who is Cosmo and why did they tell you that?”

Rey shook her head in negation, “Some dumb women’s magazine, I--looked in it for tips on how to--how to…” She hid her face in her hands, mortified.

He laughed and she swatted at him. “It’s not funny, you jerk. I was trying to do a good job. Be all sexy and--”

“Well it was really sexy until Cosmo got into it.” he said as he nuzzled her.

“I just wanted to--to make it as nice for you as it was for me, you know.” She cringed with the admission.

“Well, truth be told, that was like my second time. First time didn’t really count because I was drunk as hell and she was well…”

“Vanessa?” Rey said acidly.

“Yeah, but the takeaway here is that I didn’t really have a clue either, I just kind of...went for it.”

“Really?”

He shrugged. “You were just so damn exciting, making noises and everything, pulling on my hair. I just tried to keep doing the stuff that made you make the most noise. Seriously, it was so sexy. I think about it a lot...”

She was a tiny bit mollified. He hugged her, “Here’s an idea, why don’t you just, you know, go for it and I promise to let you know what’s working for me. No need for magazines.”

“You sure? I mean if I hurt you--”

He grabbed her hand and placed it on his hardening cock.

“Trust me, Rey. I’m fine.”

She smirked at him and slid down to her knees again, “Alright, Ben, what do you want me to do first.” she batted her eyes flirtatiously.

“Bite your lip” he said.

“Really?”

“Yeah you did it when I was eating you out and it’s such a fucking turn on.”

She complied, feeling just a little silly. His cock twitched as she looked up at him. _Ok. New list. Number one, Ben likes it when I bite my lip. Noted._

“Now what?” she breathed.

“Kiss it.”

So she did that too. His hands were back in her hair again.

“I like seeing you lick me…”

“Like this?” she stroked the flat of her tongue down him. He nodded. His eyes were getting heavy again. _I’m doing this...my mouth, my tongue, I am making him feel this..._ A deep primal lust began to build, she felt very womanly and very powerful. She curled a hand around him and gently squeezed him as she slowly sucked on the head.

“That feel good?” she asked.

“Yeah...keep doing that.”

She did. She was getting wet herself. The familiar tension gathering between her legs, she shifted, trying to ease it. She was no longer thinking, just reacting. No metronome keeping time in her head. She kissed and licked and sucked, feeling more and more turned on as she let herself go. Het hand drifted to her thigh and kneaded. She looked up at Ben again. He nodded encouraging her. She flipped up the skirt and put her hand on herself, where the ache was greatest.

“Oh fuck yes. Do that…” Ben growled. So Rey slid her hand underneath her cotton panties keeping her eyes fixed on his. She couldn’t help letting them close though once her finger found her clit and she moaned helplessly. She just kept working his cock, messy and raw and wholly in the moment.

His hands gently pushing on her shoulders now, “Rey stop I’m going to come. Baby, slow down…” The vulnerability in his voice made her go harder. She was in charge. She would finish this. It was a matter of seconds. His hands clenched in her hair and she felt his thighs jump under her as he came. Her mouth filled with the taste of him, she had a brief moment of panic, worried she would choke but she made herself swallow. It was definitely not a taste she was expecting. _But it’s not as bad as they say it is...bitter but also...intimate. This is Ben, the taste of him..._ The thought was fleeting as she sat back, smiling, pleased with herself. She wiped her mouth. Ben was slumped on the couch in front of her.  His shirt open, cock still wet from her mouth; the soft, sated look in his eyes pleased her in a deep erotic way. _I did that._

Ben reached for her, kissing her hard. Words of praise whispered against her skin. “So hot, you were so good, incredible…”  His appreciation drove her need and she crawled back onto his lap and straddled him. His thumb had just started circling her clit against her soaked panties when they heard the distinct rumble of Luke’s truck pulling into the driveway.

“Shit!” Rey leapt off Ben and straightened her skirt while he frantically rearranged his clothing. By the time they heard his key in the lock, they were back at the kitchen table, a little sweaty and mussed but largely presentable.

“Hey you two,” Luke called when he entered, I got halfway there before I realized I mixed up my dates, the meeting is next week.  Anyway, I decided to grab dinner.” He proffered a bag with the name of the local Chinese place on it. “Hope you didn’t eat yet…”

Ben caught her eye with a sly look and she dipped her head to hide her grin.

“Been studying hard?” Luke asked.

“Yes.” Rey answered dutifully.

Ben nodded, “I definitely think Rey learned some stuff.” Rey kicked him under the table.

Luke looked at him suspiciously but Ben returned his gaze innocently.

“Uh yeah...big test coming up and we were quizzing each other.” Rey covered, staring daggers at Ben.

Later after dinner, she walked him to his car. The sound of spring peepers filled the twilight air as Ben kissed her goodnight.

“So my dad is back from Malaysia and my mom decided that it would be a good time for a family dinner…”

Rey nodded. “That’s good.”

“No, I mean she wants you to come. She said it’s ‘high time we meet this girl you’ve been spending so much time with’ so next Thursday...come to my place, meet my folks. That cool?”

“Sure…” Rey felt a little uneasy. Ben hardly ever talked about his parents. 

“Don’t worry, they’ll love you. You’re exactly the kind of girl they would like.”

“And what kind of girl is that?”

In answer he kissed her forehead. “One who makes me happy.” Then he got into his car, waved goodbye and drove off. Rey floated back to the house with a huge silly grin on her face. _I make him happy..._  
  
  
  



	23. Chapter 23

That Thursday Rey slowly walked up the long driveway leading to Ben’s house. She fussed with her school uniform.

“Are you sure I shouldn’t have changed into something, you know, more appropriate?”

“You look fine, they totally won’t care. Just relax. They’ll love you.”

The house was huge, a Greek Revival complete with pillared portico, set back from the quiet street with lush trees and plantings surrounding it. She swallowed her apprehension and followed him up the porch steps. He opened the door. He dumped his backpack and toed off his shoes.

“Hey I’m home,” he called.

Rey hovered in the foyer.

“Hey sweetie.” A petite brunette bustled down the hall. She bussed Ben quickly on the cheek in passing and swept up to Rey arms outstretched. “You must be Rey, we’ve heard so much about you.” Rey was pulled into a quick hug. This tiny, welcoming woman was not the mental image she had built up of Leia Organa Solo, pioneering political feminist leader.

Ben followed as Leia pulled Rey down the hall towards the kitchen. “Han, come meet Ben’s girlfriend.”

Rey shot a glance over her shoulder, _Girlfriend? He told them I’m his girlfriend?_ Ben just grinned and shrugged.

Rey arrived in the kitchen, it was bright and welcoming and not at all what she was expecting, like most of her visit thus far. A handsome man with salt and pepper hair, straightened up from checking something in the oven. He wiped his hands on a towel and warmly shook Rey’s hand.

“Rey, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Ben’s dad.”

These down to earth, friendly people were very different from what she’d imagined.

“It’s nice to meet you finally, Mr. Solo…” she said shyly.

“Han, call me Han. None of that Mr. Solo nonsense.”

“I hope you didn’t ruin my cake.” Leia nudged him away from the oven. “I may not be much of a cook but I can follow a box mix well enough.”

Han backed away, all innocence, hands raised. “I was simply checking.” He grinned at Rey and mouthed “chocolate” and gave her a thumbs up.

Rey felt herself starting to relax. She’d thought she would be meeting chilly, New England patricians but Ben’s parents were very... _normal. Like totally normal...so why does he act otherwise?_ She chalked it up to typical teenage angst and gratefully accepted the offer to sit down.

They were so genuine and interested that she found herself spilling some of her life story as they chatted over tea; it wasn’t like an interview. They simply seemed to care. They reminded her a lot of Luke actually. They laughed easily and often and both were adept at gently teasing Ben with real affection. Rey felt especially drawn to Leia. _She’s just such a...mom._ Rey basked in the glow of her maternal energy.

Dinner was equally memorable. Leia brushed aside Rey’s offers to help and made her, “just sit and relax, sweetie, you’re our guest…” Everything was going well until Leia asked Rey about college applications.

“Mom, can we not.” Ben sighed. Rey sensed it was a sore point but Leia ignored him. Rey mentioned her top picks so far, “I’m applying at MIT, Cornell, Stanford, I’m considering a couple others…”

“MIT huh? You a science major, math?” Han asked.

“I was thinking engineering but I’m not so sure now.” Rey admitted. “I’ve been looking at Columbia...I’ve recently gotten into photography and I might be able to do both if I go there.”

“Rey’s a really talented photographer.” Ben said staunchly and Rey’s heart melted a little.

“Well I’m sure whatever you decide you’ll do well, Ben was telling us how smart and driven you are.”

Rey lifted her brows across the table at Ben, who studiously pretended to ignore her. _He thinks I’m smart and talented..._ she melted a little more.

“A double major would be pretty challenging.” Han said, he used his fork to make a point, “but you see son, it can be done.”

Ben pushed his food around on his plate. The conversation continued, it had the well-worn familiar feel of an exhausted topic.

“Han, I really think it would be best for Ben to just focus on one thing at a time. After he’s finished one degree he can look at grad school if he wants.” Leia said, “or he can do an internship.”

“I think he should be more realistic, an MBA opens a lot of doors…” Han replied. “Public policy pretty much limits you to civil service but--”

Rey saw how still Ben sat while his parents made plans around him.

“Ben, didn’t you say you were thinking about taking a year off, maybe do a little travelling?” Rey heard herself say. Ben looked up startled. She encouraged him with her expression.

“Yeah, maybe…” he said slowly. There was a beat of silence.

Han sat back. “That’s just that  ‘slacker’ mindset all you kids have today. Don’t lose focus, maybe we could look at sending you to one of the overseas offices for--”

Leia interrupted, “No. I think the best thing is starting college in the fall as planned, he’s already got early acceptance for Georgetown.”

The conversation continued and Rey couldn’t help but see how impassive Ben’s expression was. She suddenly felt a fierce wave of love for Luke, _if I told him I was taking a year off to travel he’d probably help me pack…Ben looks trapped._

_***_

The evening picked up after the awkwardness of dinner. Leia was enough of a politician still to read the room and she changed the subject.  When Rey was leaving both Leia and Han ignored her polite offer of a handshake and hugged her warmly, telling her “to not be a stranger.” Surprised, Rey felt torn. She could see how their intense parental focus could be daunting but a part of her craved that attention; felt drawn towards it.

Ben was silent as he drove her home. They cruised through the streets, listening to the radio, WZON out of Bangor. He didn’t turn down her street but instead drove to a parking lot that overlooked a municipal beach. He turned off the car and Rey could faintly hear the sounds of the ocean.

They sat quietly and enjoyed the calm night.

“Did I ever tell you how Luke and I met?”

Ben looked inquiringly over at her.

“I was ten, and on my..” Rey thought, “fourth foster home. This one was pretty bad. They had three other fosters and it was made clear to me that I would have to ‘earn my keep’. That was why I was in the parking lot at U of A trying to break into Luke’s car.”

“No shit?”

Rey nodded, remembering how the other kids had suddenly scattered but she’d been so intent on what she was doing--trying to work the slim jim like she’d been shown--when the hand fell on her shoulder. She’d looked up, terrified, ready to scream and fight. But Luke’s face had just studied hers and then he said, “Do you like pie? I’m an apple pie man myself.”

Which is how she’d wound up at an all-night diner sitting across from Luke, he’d ordered for her when she sullenly refused to answer. He pushed the slice of apple pie a la mode across to her and just started talking. She’d wanted to refuse his kindness, to bolt as soon as she could, but the lure of talking to an adult that actually listened was too great a temptation. That and the second piece of pie he’d ordered for her once he saw how she’d wolfed down the first one. Between bites she’d tried not to ‘rat’ but Luke had a way of asking these sidelong questions. They seemed normal but she found herself telling him things she’d long since stuffed deep down inside. Her shell was there but not cemented in place yet, his gentle persistence slipped through the cracks. He also didn’t get the look. That soft, pitying look, so many teachers, counsellors and case workers got when they heard her story. He just nodded and sipped his coffee, saying only, “you’ve been dealt a shitty hand, kid.”

She knew it. Her parents disappeared. She’d been bounced around. She didn’t need pity, she needed help, stability, a home.

Later, he’d dropped her at the end of her street as she’d asked and she slowly walked back home. She’d didn’t let herself think too hard about the encounter, just filed it away inside to remember when things were grim. But she couldn’t quench the little flame of cautious joy when the care worker had shown up the next month and had taken her for an interview. Next was a short stay at a facility until there was the ‘temporary’ placement with Luke.

“I don’t know how many strings were pulled or what but the temporary placement wound up being well--” Rey shrugged, “I’m still with Uncle Luke.” Rey paused. “He was the first adult I’d met who actually...saw me. Like, recognized that there was a person sitting across from him. A kid, sure, but also a person.”

Ben made a noise of agreement. “Snoke was like that for me… I know he’s a terrible guy. I knew on some level then he was awful but…” Ben sighed. “I dunno. I was a 15 year old kid. Mom was gearing up for reelection, Dad was always away on business and I just felt like--”

“You were invisible.” she said.

“Yeah, I know my parents love me but I also felt like such a prop. Playing the dutiful son for photo shoots and press conferences. Meanwhile, I’m just feeling so....”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“So here’s this guy, he’s a mover and shaker in town.” Ben’s tone was bitter, “and he’s tapped me for these special ‘missions’. That’s what he called it, a mission.” He rolled his eyes. “And let’s be real. I was doing stuff every sixteen year old punk wants to do, wrecking shit and feeling like a badass. Man, I was stupid.”

“No, you were a kid. He preyed on that. Do you think I wanted to break into cars? To steal?”

“What you said, about feeling seen. That was it. Snoke _saw_ me, he saw how angry and lost I felt--”

“And he used you, you aren’t to blame Ben. He is.”

Ben said nothing just stared out the window at the night.

“Your parents love you, Ben. Anyone can see that.” she said gently.

“But they don’t see me.”

“They will. You just have to give them time.”

In answer he just started the car.

  
  
  



	24. Chapter 24

Rey gazed out the Science lab window at the grey day outside. It was “mud season” in Maine. The snow had mostly melted but the ground hadn’t completely thawed. The world outside was wet, sloppy, misty, grey and demoralizing. Rey felt like she hadn’t seen the sun for years. 

The mid-morning class had the quiet somnolent hum peculiar to schools on gloomy days. She just wanted to put her head down and sleep. 

“Psst.” a kid called to her. She recognized him but they didn’t really know each other. He held a tiny folded piece of paper down low.  Warily, she took it and unfolded it behind the cover of her textbook. She recognized Ben’s scrawling handwriting instantly. 

_ “Babe, thoughts on skipping tomorrow for an adventure? Tell me at lunch…” _

A slow smile crept across her face.  _  An adventure?  _ Anything to shake off the dreary feel of late spring in Maine. 

At lunch, Rey found Ben and pulled him to the side, “So what’s the plan?”

“It’s a surprise. Just ask to stay home, then be ready at 9 am. Dress warmly and wear good boots.” 

Rey was intrigued. She promised she’d be ready. 

***

She felt the tiniest bit guilty playing at being sick. She hardly ever stayed home from school for any reason so Luke’s concern when she mentioned feeling a bit “flu-ish” at supper was genuine. 

“I think I’m just a bit run-down. Can I take the day off school and sleep tomorrow?” 

“Of course. Do you need me to stay home too, I could cancel my classes?”

“No! There’s no need. I’ll just have a lazy PJ day. I’m sure that will help.” she hoped she wasn’t blushing. 

“Ok then. Better get an early night too. I’ll be home at my usual time.” 

She nodded and headed upstairs to call Ben and let him know she was ready for their adventure. 

***

“You want me to get into that? And go into the ocean?” Rey looked askance at Ben. 

“We’re sticking close to the coastline and trust me, it’s easier than it looks.”

Rey stared dubiously at the sea kayak. She’d thought they were going hiking, she’d even brought her camera, thinking to take some photos of the spring melt. But Ben had shown up and handed her a drysuit to put on over her clothes. He’d already had his on. Then they drove to the rental place and she’d become more and more doubtful as the guide explained the ins and outs of kayaking safety. 

Ben was grinning, delighted with the idea of his adventure. Rey decided she’d give it a shot, even though a sleepy warm classroom suddenly seemed appealing. The sky was still overcast but the scrim of clouds were thinning and the sun was a pale gold disk. There was a bit of a breeze and Rey could taste the salt spray on her lips. Past the breakwater, she could see whitecaps.  _ What the hell. If I fall overboard Ben can save me… _

She lowered herself carefully into the kayak. It wobbled alarmingly and she stiffened and froze. The guide, Tom--a shaggy haired slacker type if there ever was one--held her steady. 

“Just gotta use your hips, spread out your legs, ride the water...if you freeze up you’ll dump it.”

Rey let herself relax. She got what he was talking about. The kayak had a low center of gravity, she could rock her hips and the kayak responded, once she got the hang of it she was surprised out how maneuverable she felt. Tom handed her a paddle and she dipped it into the water; the little boat slipped forward easily and she paddled around slowly. 

Ben jumped into his kayak easily and secured their gear. He’d brought a lunch and even had a waterproof bag for Rey’s camera. 

“”Kay, you’ve got your vests on so even if you roll it, you’ll pop back up. You’ll be cold and wet but you won’t drown if you keep those on.” Tom handed a CB to Ben who zipped it into the waterproof bag with the camera. “In an emergency push the button and call for help. Stick to the route and we’ll be able to find you. Most importantly, have fun dudes!” 

She followed Ben as they paddled slowly away from the dock out into the harbour. 

At first Rey was concentrating on paddling correctly and keeping Ben in sight but gradually she got into a rhythm. The kayak cut through the low rolling waves easily and she could feel the wind tugging at her hair. It was cold but invigorating and she was warm with her paddling. Gulls and other birds called and wheeled overhead and the harbour was mostly clear of boats. The water flowed like black silk under her as the kayak bobbed along. Rey grinned delightedly.  _ This is infinitely preferable to school.  _

Ben paused and waited for her to pull alongside him, “So?” The wind tossed his hair and had put colour in his cheeks. 

Rey laughed, “This is amazing! Thank you!” 

“We’re headed over that way, we might be able to see some seals over by those rocks. Maybe you can get a photo?” 

They were indeed able to see seals. The kayaks were low profile and quiet so they were able to glide pretty close. Rey thought she’d gotten more than a few good shots of the animals, with their liquid dark eyes and funny whiskered faces staring curiously at her before slipping into the water. 

“Where to now, O Captain, my Captain?” Rey asked.

“We’re going to paddle for about 45 mins down the coast then stop for lunch? Sound good?”

Rey’s stomach perked up at the mention of lunch. Kayaking was making her hungry. She dipped her paddle and followed after Ben. 

They made good time, despite the wind in their faces, as they floated past expensive beachfront homes and stretches of lonely beaches. Ben led her around a spit of land into a little cove area. Trees crept down to the waterline and there by a small beach, large white wooden cottage was perched on a hill. Ben paddled for the beach and drew up onto the sand. 

“Where are we?” 

“This is my parents’ summer place. C’mon I’m starving.” Ben waded into the shallows and helped drag Rey’s kayak out of the water. She climbed out and stretched, feeling a pleasant ache in her muscles. 

“Do they know we’re coming here?” The cottage was really more like a small house. There was a set of wooden stairs leading up from the beach. Their cottage was the only one in the cove.  _ Guess politics pays pretty well...or whatever exactly Ben’s dad does for money… _

Ben shrugged with an innocent expression, “I may have ‘liberated’ the key.” 

They unloaded and clambered up to the cottage. Inside it was dark, dusty and had the scent of a building shuttered for the winter. 

“There’s a genny but it’s not fueled up yet, we’ll manage with the fireplace. Open up the blinds and crack a window or two while I get a fire going.” Ben said. 

Rey wandered, opening curtains and blinds. The cottage was simple and charming, with a homey feel. The walls and floors were wood and rag rugs and worn but comfortable furniture decorated the one main room. There was a river rock fireplace complete with a somewhat moth eaten mounted moose head in the center of the main room. The kitchen was at one end and three other rooms, a tiny bath with a clawfoot tub and two bedrooms were at the other.  Large picture windows faced the cove, showing the sun finally starting to break through the clouds. 

Soon, Ben had a fire going and he shook out a plaid car blanket and laid it down on the rug in front of the fireplace.  He set out sandwiches, apples, cheese and pop. 

“I’m not much of a cook, so your choices are PB&J or baloney with cheese…” he said. 

“Grape or strawberry jelly?” 

“Ew grape? No the only acceptable choice is strawberry.” 

She took the sandwich, “I knew there was a reason I liked you.” She shucked off the dry suit and sat cross-legged beside him on the rug. He leaned over and kissed her, “Ditto.” They tucked into their lunch, eating quietly and watching the fire. 

After they finished lunch, Ben was cutting an apple into slices with a pocketknife and offering slices to Rey. She took them absentmindedly, chewing, thinking. 

“Earth to Rey...where’d you go?” Ben waved at her.

“Huh…”she startled. “Oh sorry.” 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

She shook her head, “What I’m thinking will cost at least a dollar.” 

“Can I put it on my tab?” 

“I was just deciding something.” she said

“Pray tell?” Ben was leaning back on one elbow, he sliced off another piece of apple and used the tip of the knife to pass it to her. She took it and looked directly at him. 

“That I want you. To be the one...my first.” 

There was a moment of puzzled silence, she watched as the comprehension dawned. He flicked a startled gaze at her and sat up.

“Like, your first--First? First ever?” She smiled and nodded. He continued, cautious now, “Like right now?” He cleared his throat, “I don’t have anything with me, like this wasn’t my big plan. Get you to my cottage to seduce you…I just thought it would be a fun day.” 

“I know. I’ve been thinking about this for a couple weeks, I’ve been on the pill for ages, it’s just easier for my period.” There was a beat. “Unless--you don’t want--”

“No. no. I very much want to.” He said quickly, “I’ve been thinking about it too.” 

Rey suddenly found she couldn’t look directly at him, overwhelmed by shyness. “So we could--you know--do it.” Her throat caught. “I won’t get pregnant.” A new idea occurred. “I mean I never thought about anything else…I’ve never been, you know,  _ with _ anyone. So if you have…”

“You’d be my first too, Rey.” Ben ducked his head then looked at her. “If you’re sure. No pressure. There’s all kinds of ways to have fun before that.” 

His painfully awkward reassurances confirmed that yes, this was something she wanted to do. She straddled him and kissed him as an answer.  He broke away and looked at her, his hands cupping her face. His eyes intent. Rey giggled at his serious expression and fed him the apple piece he’d given her and when she kissed him it was so very sweet. 


	25. Chapter 25

Now that she’d made her choice she was suddenly nervous. Ben took his time, sensing her reticence and just held her close on his lap and kissed her. His mouth on hers, drifting down to her neck, lulled her and simultaneously made her breath quicken. She hurriedly shed her shirt and tugged Ben’s shirt off too. 

Ben cupped her breast and slowly stroked his thumb across the lacy front. Her nipples were stiff little buds and she arched into his palm. She quickly unhooked the bra and tossed it to the side. Ben sucked gently first one side and the other. She cupped his head and held him close. The sight of him, licking and sucking her breasts making her moan. She pushed him down and returned the favor, teasing and tounging his nipples; enjoying the salt taste of his warm skin. 

Her hand drifted down to the fly of his jeans, he helped her by pushing them down. She admired the length of him, stretched out on the blanket, nude except for his boxer-briefs. She let her hands wander where they wanted, stroking the smooth curves of his muscles. He kept capturing her mouth for deep kisses, stoking the heat between her legs. Soon she was helping him shuck her jeans off too. 

He pressed her back then, kissing his way down her belly, settling between her legs like he had all the time in the world and nowhere else he’d rather be. He smiled up at her. She pillowed her head on her arm, gently smoothing back his hair. He nuzzled at her crotch, kissing her through the silky fabric of her panties; they were a filmy bit of white lace with pink trimmings. 

“I like these, they look innocent and dirty at the same time.” he said as he slowly circled her clit with his thumb. “Kind of like you…”

She laughed, “What does that mean?” 

He dipped his head to trail soft kisses over her pussy, teasing. “Just that. Rey Walker, model student, exemplary member of Coruscant Academy yet underneath, naughty sexy underwear and the sweetest pussy ever.”

She giggled but was flattered all the same. Her breath caught as her sucked at her, she went to take off the underwear but he stopped her. 

“Let me…” He slowly slid them off, trailing kisses across her thighs as he did so. He settled back between her legs, kissing everywhere except where she needed his mouth the most. 

“Ben please…”

“Oh I like that…” He leaned forward and dragged his tongue over her clit. She groaned. 

“You like to tease me?” She squirmed under him, trying to get what she wanted.

“Maybe...you look so hot when you get turned on.” He licked her again. Rey felt dark blossoms of need unfurl in her lower belly. Her whole being centered on her cunt. She gave herself permission to ask for what she wanted. 

“I love your mouth on me. It makes me so wet, please Ben. I’m so fucking ready for you right now…” 

He growled and lifted her hips, his mouth working hungrily on her. His tongue slid along her folds and she twisted under him, gripping his hair tight. She closed her eyes, lost in the sensations he was giving her. 

“More, baby?” 

She nodded and rolled against him. He pressed his index finger to her mouth and she sucked it greedily. He nipped her thigh and growled approval. 

Then he slowly eased his finger inside her. She panted her appreciation. His tongue gently flicked her clit as he languorously thrust into her. She could feel the gathering tension. The feeling of edging towards the irresistible drop. She rocked her hips up to meet his hand. 

“Tell me, tell me when you do…” He asked. 

“Close, so close.”

“You’re so beautiful when you come...I love to see you.” 

“Oh Ben, yes.” She was wound tight, electricity dancing along her nerves. He cradled her and gave her what she needed. The pressure built, gathering and gathering until finally she erupted, crying and surging against him. 

An eternity later she drifted back to earth; Ben was stretched out beside her, stroking her hair. She grinned up at him and he laughed and kissed her.

“I think I’m a little jealous.”

“You should be…” She stretched gloriously. His eyes greedily watching her naked body as she moved. She could see his erection tenting his briefs. She kissed him and urged him to lay on top of her, spreading her legs invitingly. 

He ground against her. Her tender pussy feeling warm shocks from the feel of his cock. 

“You still sure about this?” he asked.

In answer she kissed him and fumbled with his underwear. Once he was naked he gently stretched his body over hers again. She could feel his cock nudging at her, she tilted her hips instinctively to receive him. 

Ben braced himself on his forearms while she reached down, gripping him gently to guide him. He pushed forward. She felt a weird sense of resistance, of obstruction; she shifted and suddenly he slid forward into her. His eyes widened.

“You ok? This isn’t hurting is it?” His arms were trembling. 

She shook her head. “No. It feels--good. Full but good? Does that make sense?” 

He laughed and the feel of his cock flexing inside her as he did made her gasp in surprise. 

“No--this is all new to me too,” he said. 

“What does it feel like for you?” she asked shyly.

“Good, so good. Wet, warm--” he moved slowly, pressing himself into her. “I want--” he closed his eyes concentrating.

Rey kissed him. Her hands sliding down his back to rest on his hips. She softly urged him to move with her. 

“This? You want this?” She said as he thrust slowly into her and pulled back and surged forward again. 

“Yeah...yeah.” He started to rock faster. Rey concentrated on the feel of his hips on hers, the feeling of his cock filling her again and again. Oddly, tears gathered. She felt overwhelmed by all the sensations. She pressed her face close to his chest as he moved over her, his breathing becoming ragged. 

Ben began to move with more urgency, face creased with effort. “I--I don’t think I can hold back.”

“Then don’t…”  _ Now I get a chance to see your face when you come. _

Rey could feel it when he did, his entire being taut and straining as he finished. His eyes finally opened and Rey was drawn by the look of wonder. He slanted a delighted grin down at her then kissed her slowly. She felt joy bubbling through her veins as she hugged him close. 

_ No matter whatever else happens, we’ll always be each other’s first... _ The thought flitted across her brain but didn’t fully register as Ben lay back and drew her to him, hands wrapped possessively across her back. 

The fire was mostly embers by the time they stirred. Rey was laying on his chest and had fallen into a pleasant half doze, thinking of everything and nothing. 

“As much as I wish we could stay here forever…” Ben sighed, “we have to go soon.” He was toying with her hair. 

She looked up at him. “I know...it’s just so nice here. Just the two of us.” 

“Well maybe the world ended while we were gone and we can stay.” He shifted to look out the big picture window, “Nope. Still there damn it.” 

Reluctantly she sat up. “Jesus Rey, you are gorgeous.” Ben said as he watched her. She blushed and laughed, “You’re just saying that because you’re my  _ boyfriend _ , and you have to...” she teased.

He held her hand as he sat up too. His hair was mussed and his pale skin glowed in the late afternoon sunlight. She felt desire stirring again. She wanted to mark that perfect skin with her teeth, claim him as hers. 

“I’m in love with you, you know…” he said. Surprised out of her erotic imaginings it took a moment to process what he said. 

“Ben, I…”

“It’s ok if you aren’t ready to say it…”

“No. I feel the same. I love you too.” 

They looked at each other. Now it was out into the world there was no taking it back. Ben rose to his knees and kissed her lips, her cheeks, her chin, the quivering lids of her eyes. Rey felt again the urgent press of tears.  _ Why are you crying, stupid girl?  _

Because it was so easy for him; to be open, to risk his heart, to confess. 

Rey wiped at her eyes, angrily. 

“Hey, hey...what’s this, you ok?” Ben was frowning.

Rey shook her head. “I’m fine. Perfect actually.” She hugged him, pressing close. “I’ve never been happier…”  _ So why I am feeling so scared… _

She felt the hardening length of him against her belly, she smiled.  _ This I know how to handle… _ She pressed her mouth to his neck, kissing and gently biting. 

“Do we have to go right now or…”She breathed huskily into his ear. 

It turned out they did have time.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's officially been a month since I started on this whole crazy journey. 2 completed stories, one monster WIP, one I'm currently writing, and 2 more in the planning stages. 43,977 words so far... This Reylo pairing is supercharging my creativity it seems. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to monsterleadmehome for the gifted moodboard!

Rey paddled slowly up to the dock, she had a deep but pleasant ache in her lower back and thighs. She might be sore tomorrow but the memory of the day and all that happened would soothe that pain. 

Ben was waiting on the dock and he grabbed the line for her kayak and tied it. Tom wandered down and appraised them.

“So how was your first time?” he asked. Rey felt a beat of embarrassed alarm, sure she _felt different_ but could everyone tell. 

“What?” she stammered. _How does he know we, you know...had sex?_ She looked at Ben for help.

“Kayaking, dude! Did you love it?” 

“Oh!” Rey wheezed a laugh. “Yes. Kayaking was amazing.” She looked archly at Ben, “I want to do it again and again.” and was gratified to see him blush as the intendre registered. 

He helped her out of the kayak; she saw they couldn’t stop smiling at each other. She knew this day was pretty much perfect.

Later at home, after a hot shower, she was snuggled in bed doing homework when Luke came home. 

“Feeling better, kiddo?” he asked.

“I feel great!” she said, wondering if she sounded too chipper and so she hedged, “I slept all day…” 

 _“Sleep that knits up the raveled sleave of care, The death of each day's life, sore labor's bath, Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course, Chief nourisher in life's feast.”_ Luke quoted. 

“Shakespeare knows what’s up.” She nodded. 

“Going to be able to sleep tonight?” Luke said.

Rey, already struggling to stay awake, all the days exertions catching up with her, yawned hugely in answer. 

“Guess that answers that question…sleep well kid, Love you.” He gently pulled her door closed. 

“Love you too, “ she mumbled, already drifting, the memory of Ben’s ‘I love you’ following her down into her dreams. 

***

Rey paced the foyer impatiently, Ben was late picking her up for a movie. At this rate they were going to miss the opening. Finally she saw his car pull into her driveway. She opened the door, irritated and ready to leave but Ben got out of the car. Irritation turned to alarm as she saw how dishevelled he looked. She flew down the driveway to him. 

“Ben, what happened?” His shirt was torn and his face had a raw scrape by his cheekbone. She reached for him, “Your hands!” His knuckles were swollen and bloody.

“I’m ok. I’m fine, I just need to clean up.” 

She practically dragged him into the house and propelled him into the tiny half-bath. She sat him on the toilet and dug under the sink for the first aid kit. 

“You were in a fight.” Not a question but a statement. 

He sighed, “Yes. it’s fine though.” 

“Who was it? What happened?” She winced as he hissed in pain as she gently daubed disinfectant on the scrape on his face. 

“Just some guys I used to hang with...we had a bit of a disagreement.”

“Ben did they attack you? We should call the police!” 

He waved her off, “No. There’s no point. It’s fine.” 

“No. It’s not _fine_ , you were attacked.” She stomped to the kitchen to get ice for his hands, feeling furious someone hurt Ben. She dumped ice into a towel. Ben followed her into the kitchen saying nothing. 

“Here. Sit. Sit!” She sat him down and laid the ice over his knuckles. He obeyed sheepishly. 

“You’re mad?” he asked.

“Of course I’m mad. I’m also pissed, worried, upset…I mean, Ben, wouldn’t you be if you were in my position?” 

“It’s nothing--”

“It’s _not_ nothing!” she fumed. “Were these guys, the guys from before? Snoke’s guys?”

She took his silence as assent, “What did they want?” She crouched in front of him. “Ben, please tell me…” He went to touch her and she clapped a hand on the ice keeping him still. 

“Just some stuff...came up.” he couldn’t meet her eyes.

“Oh great--stuff--that explains everything.” She felt fury building again. 

“Babe--”

“Nuh-uh. Don’t babe me.” She leaned forward and caught his eye. 

He finally relented, “Yeah. It was some guys from before. The guys I got in trouble with. They--they are involved in some shady shit…” Rey squeezed his thigh demanding clarification. Ben continued, “Drugs mostly. They wanted me to, you know, help them out...because I go to Coruscant now…”

“They want you to be a dealer?” She was incredulous, “Ben we have to tell your parents!” 

He grabbed her hand, “No, Rey. No...it sounds worse than it is. They’re looking for a way in, they thought I was an easy target. I’m not. If I tell my parents they’ll freak out. I handled it, it’s over.” 

“Is Snoke involved?” 

He shrugged, “I dunno, maybe...yeah, probably.” She stood up and paced. He continued, “I think that’s why he was at the rave in February. He was making sure his guys--those guys cleared out before the cops came. I don’t know anything for sure but I have my suspicions. But Rey, please listen. I don’t want you or anyone else to get involved in this shit.” 

“Well you’re already involved aren’t you?” She felt helpless and panicky. 

He grabbed her, holding her still. “No.” His hands on her shoulders. “No, I’m not and I never will be.” He hugged her and she clutched at him as he kissed the top of her head.

“They got in my face about it and I, you know, had to set them straight. They’ll leave me alone now. Don’t worry. It was just a stupid thing.” 

Rey nodded, _I hope this is the end of it..._ She fixed a smile on her face and kissed him. 

 _But I don’t think we’re out of the woods yet._ A small seed of worry planted itself in her brain.   
  



	27. Chapter 27

Despite a few weeks passing and nothing happening Rey couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom. On campus she found she was scrutinizing faces to see if she could figure out who Snoke might have compromised.  A fools game for sure; it just served to make her paranoid. 

If Ben noticed her jumpiness he kept it to himself. Gradually, she relented; even she couldn’t maintain her state of hyper-vigilance. Spring, proper spring, had finally come to New England and with the warmer weather kids spilled outside onto the grounds again. They reclaimed their usual spot for lunch in the quad. 

Rey sat eyes closed, just taking a moment to bask in the sunshine, listening to Rose, Finn and Poe debate the various prom themes proposed by the Prom Committee. 

“I’m telling you it’s 1998, the Millennium is only two years from now. They are totally going to go with Millennium Madness.” said Finn.

“Like, how would that even work as a theme?” Rose frowned. “Shiny silver everything? Robots?” 

“I suggested ‘Party at Ground Zero’ because of Y2K...surprisingly, they didn’t like my idea.” Poe drawled. 

“Well I hope they don’t go with Undersea Fantasy...what a dumb idea for a prom theme. Let’s all pretend we’re underwater…dancing with the fishes.” Rose tapped her pencil on her notebook. “They should do something classy like An Evening of Enchantment or Springtime in Paris.” She sighed and doodled a tiny Eiffel Tower. 

“Poe, stop it.” Rey cracked an eye and grinned at Poe who was pretend gagging. Rose crumpled up her notepaper and threw it at him. Poe caught it easily and lobbed it back at Rose. 

“So who’s got dates?” he asked her, smirking at Rey. Rey mouthed ‘stop it’ as she saw both Rose and Finn look suddenly preoccupied with schoolwork. She glared at him in mock outrage. Poe just shrugged and smiled his saucy grin. 

They all knew it was only a matter of time before either Finn asked Rose or she asked him to Prom.  Poe was categorically unable to resist poking that bear every chance he got. 

“Where’s Ben?” Finn asked. 

“Getting extra help with his History paper.” She chewed on her lip. _Stop fretting, you’re turning into an old woman._ Still, lately she always felt better when she had him in sight. 

“Has Ben asked you yet?” said Rose as she toyed with a dandelion. 

“Asked me what?”

“Duh! To the prom.” 

“No he hasn’t.” The thought hadn’t really crossed her mind. She was focused on school and _other_ _things.   Does Ben even want to go to Prom?_ He wasn’t much of a dancer. Still a girlish part of her heart hoped that he would take her. _Screw that, you’re a liberated woman! Ask him._

She looked at Rose, “Well I suppose if he hasn’t asked me by Friday, I’ll do the modern thing and ask him myself. There’s no rule that says _girls can’t ask guys_ …” she said pointedly. Rose gave her the ‘shut up’ look and Rey threw a dandelion at her, nodding at Finn. 

“Fine…” Rose hissed to her. She turned to Finn. “So uh, have you--” Just as Finn looked at her and said, “Rose will you go to--” 

“No, I haven’t.” said Finn

“Yes! I’d love to!” said Rose. Then, “Wait? You just asked me to Prom right?” 

“I dunno, sounds to me like _you_ asked me to Prom.” he teased. 

“Well?” Rose said haughtily, “Will you go to Prom with me, Charles Finn?” 

“Only if you will do my the honor of attending Prom with me, Rose Tico.” he said. 

“Finally!” Poe said and threw up his hands. “I thought I was going to have to take both of you as my dates.”  

Ben’s shadow blocked out the sun. He plopped down beside Rey. 

“How’s the paper coming.” 

Ben groaned and lay back on the grass. 

“That bad huh?” Rey patted his thigh sympathetically. 

“My thesis needs to be reworked, my conclusion is shit and my sources all seem like hot garbage right about now.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad, Mr. Highest Grade in History and Poly/Sci.” she said, “So babe? I have a question for you?” Ben looked at her.

“Anything else pressing on that giant brain of yours other than this paper? Maybe a certain key event in the social calendar for most teens?” Rey said.

Rose interjected, “Especially teen girls!” 

Ben looked lost. He sat up. Rey fixed a gimlet eye on Poe and Finn. They weren’t getting him out of this one. They just innocently gazed back. 

“Am I forgetting something? Some kind of anniversary?” Ben’s tone was wary.

Rey poked him, “No dummy. Just there’s a big event happening here at school in a few weeks and?” she prompted. 

“SAT Retakes? Grad photos for yearbook? Biology quiz?” He couldn’t keep the grin off his face as Rey’s frown deepened. “Meatloaf day in the Atrium?” He held up his arm in self defense as she pretended to hit him. He grabbed her and dragged her to him for a kiss. “Rey Walker will you go to prom with me?” 

She kissed him, “Yes! You jerk.” 

***

Prom. Rey hadn’t really been Miss High School Sweetheart in Arizona. She wasn’t popular but neither was she hopelessly mired at the bottom of the social strata that dominated high school. She was one of countless teenagers who toiled away comfortably in the middle of the pack. A face among many. She assumed she would go to a prom at some point but she hadn’t really thought about it in that glossy Seventeen magazine layout way. It was something she wanted to do as a rite of passage but it was never going to be the capstone of her high school life. 

Being at Coruscant made things a little different. Number one, most of these kids had money so Prom was one more chance to flaunt conspicuous consumption. There were gowns and tuxedos to get, limos to arrange, post-Prom after party invitations to consider.  Rey tried to avoid getting caught up in the feverish discussions and anticipation, _after all it’s just a dance…_

There was still school, the grind of performing at the top level. Graduation was a month or so away. College acceptances were trickling in, so far Rey had gotten all her top choices as well as her safety school picks. The golden key of Coruscant Academy opened all the doors it appeared. 

Also, _what’s going to happen after this summer? I’m probably headed to New York. Ben’s going to Washington D.C. We haven’t really talked about it. Will we still be together?_

The pressure and anticipation combined into a kind of heady stew and most free time for the students at Coruscant was devoted to the trivial details of the Prom. The theme had finally been announced to equal amounts of acclaim and criticism. “Swing into Swellegance” a 1940’s themed big band dance. 

“First of all, ‘swellegance’ isn’t even a word.” Finn groused. “And I hope they don’t expect us to, I don’t know, Lindy Hop or whatever.” 

“I think it’s going to be amazing.” Rose had been floating on air since the theme was announced. “We can dress in retro style dresses and put Victory Rolls in our hair! I’ve been practicing at home…” 

“I’ve already asked my mom if I can get a zoot suit.” Poe said. “I will be one cherry poppin’ daddy.” 

Finn groaned. “Why can’t I just wear a tux like a normal prom? Why does Coruscant have to make such a production of everything? Help me out here Ben, you are dressing like a normal guy right? No costumes, right?” 

Ben shrugged, “I just went with my mom to the rental place. She picked it out. I’m wearing a white dinner jacket if that helps.” 

“Why don’t you come shopping with me and Rose this weekend?” Rey offered. Rose turned to Finn with her eyes alight.

“No!” he blurted then quickly he added, “No, thank you, while I’m sure shopping with you two ladies would be the highlight of my Saturday. My mom is flying in from Chicago. She’d be really upset if she didn’t get the chance to outfit her baby boy in some stylin’ threads.” 

“Let’s hope this dance is a lot less uneventful than the last one we went to hey?” said Poe. 

On that they all agreed. 

***

The fight Ben had been in had receded to the back of Rey’s mind. It popped up at odd moments but she was starting to believe that Ben had been right. It was a minor incident and dealt with. 

She and Ben were in Camden’s small downtown after school. Ben had to go for a final fitting for his tux and he was dropping off some papers for his mom at city hall. They decided to get some ice-cream and enjoy the glorious May weather. 

They were aimlessly walking, window shopping. Ben was oddly curious about her dress for prom. Beyond telling him the color, a deep emerald green, she’d wanted to surprise him on the day of. He kept trying to guess though, pointing out more and more ridiculous options in the store windows that they passed. 

“Oh it’s got to be that one!” He pointed to a garish flowery dress with hugely puffed sleeves.  

“You got it! Bet you can’t wait to see me in it, right?” 

“You’ll be the prettiest couch at the Prom.” 

She laughed. They reached the steps of city hall. 

“This will be quick, hold my ice-cream, I’ll be right back.” Ben passed her his rapidly melting cone, kissing her quickly. 

Rey sat on a park bench and tried to keep both ice-creams from melting all over her hands. She was doing a pretty good job when a silver Mercedes pulled up to the curb and parked. A young, slightly disreputable looking man in a suit jumped out the driver’s side and went around to the passenger side and opened the door. Something about the car nagged at Rey’s memory. 

She heard Ben call her name as he jogged down the steps towards her but her attention was caught by the man climbing out of the passenger side. He was older, in his late sixties. Not a hale and hearty sixties either, bent and twisted with it. He leaned heavily on the arm of the young man holding the door.  His gaze was fixed on Ben however. 

Rey looked over as Ben slowed his approach and came to stand beside her. 

“Who is--”

“We need to go. Now.” He interrupted and grabbed Rey’s arm to help her to her feet. She rose. 

The man wasn’t about to let them get away that easily. He limped stiffly over to them. 

“Why Benjamin Solo, I haven’t seen you in a dog’s age...How is your lovely mother doing?” His voice was all folksy New England charm but there was a querulous edge to it. 

Ben stood still, a flush rising up his neck. “She’s fine. I’ll tell her you said hello.” His hand hadn’t left Rey’s arm. 

“You do that. And who is this lovely young thing, your girlfriend?” The man swung his gaze towards her, icy blue eyes were framed in a nest of wrinkles. Liver spots dotted his wispy scalp. His teeth were sharp and yellowish as he grinned at her. Rey thought he looked rather like some kind of small, vicious animal, like a weasel. He reached out a hand bunched with arthritis for Rey to shake and she couldn’t quite suppress a shiver when she gently clasped his cold fingers.  

“County Selectmen Snoke, at your service my dear.” 

“Rey. Rey Walker.” she mumbled. She resisted the urge to wipe her hand on her shorts when he released her hand as she felt her stomach drop. This was Snoke! She saw the way he watched her closely. She raised her chin and smiled. “Pleased to meet you, sir.” _I’m not going to let him intimidate me._

“You must go to Coruscant with our Benjamin here. I don’t recognize you from town.” The proprietary way he referred to Ben while making sure to exclude her was galling. 

“Yes, that’s right. My Uncle and I moved here in September.” 

“Aren’t you lucky, Coruscant is famously exclusive.” 

Rey felt her temper rising. _I deserve to be at Coruscant, luck has nothing to do with it._ Her smile tightened. 

“Only the best and brightest get accepted, like Ben. And you, young man…” Snoke turned his gaze to Ben. “I could use a go-getter like you. I’m sure you’ve heard I’m running for the Senate this fall. I’m confident we could find an internship position for you on my staff. I believe you’re heading to Georgetown, correct? It would be an excellent opportunity for you.” 

Rey felt Ben’s fingers tighten on her arm. He paused before he answered, “I’m sure I’ll be very busy with my studies. I don’t think I’ll have the time...but thanks for the offer.” The last grated out. 

Snoke’s smile was cold, “Oh I’m sure we could work something out. You have a natural talent for leadership, it would be such a shame if your gifts go to waste. Think about it. I hope I can convince you to change your mind.” 

Ben stared at the ground, saying nothing. 

Snoke waited a moment, then nodded. A smile flitted across his face but Rey saw it never touched his eyes. The were cruel and cold and remote. _How is this man a politician?_

Then he transformed as a middle aged lady called out to him and hurriedly crossed the street.  

“Selectmen Snoke, just the man I need to see.” 

The lady puffed up to him. Snoke greeted her warmly; a huge avuncular smile creased his face. The weasel disappeared, instead a kindly, slightly doddering, town father manifested. 

“Why Betty Miller, you must tell me your secret. You look five years younger every time I see you.” he said. 

The lady, who most decidedly, looked every inch of her middle age simpered and giggled, “Oh you. You’re such a kidder. I’m glad I caught you, the Ladies Auxiliary has been after me to have you come speak at the Bean Supper next month. Your last speech was so inspiring.” She reached out and clasped his hand and he patted hers kindly.

“You flatter this old man Betty, Truly you do.” He offered his elbow, like a gallant swain. “Why don’t we head into my office to discuss it?” 

Before he turned to go he looked over at them. “This is your chance, Benjamin, don’t let it go to waste...Good day Miss Walker.” He nodded goodbye and walked slowly away leaning on Mrs. Miller.

Rey looked up at Ben, “Ben, you ok?” 

Ben ran his hands through his hair, gripping it. He shook his head, pacing. Rey felt alarm pierce her heart. “Ben? Baby please tell me?” She ditched the melted ice-creams in a trash can and stood in front of him, stopping him. Tentatively, she reached out. Ben suddenly crushed her to him. She hugged him back as best she could, a little startled at his ferocity. 

“That guy, that fucking guy…” Ben mumbled. Rey heard an edge of tears in his voice. She stroked his back and crooned, “It’s okay…” over and over. Her heart was hammering in fear. What kind of hold did Snoke have to turn Ben into this? 

“Promise me.” Ben said fiercely. “Promise me you won’t go see him.”

Rey was puzzled but agreed immediately, “Of course I won’t, you could tell he’s a giant asshole anyway. Babe, it’s ok. I won’t go see him.” Rey would agree to anything if Ben would just stop freaking out. “He’s just a creepy local politician, he can’t do anything…” 

She felt him hitch in a huge shuddering sigh, “You’re right.  You’re right...It’s just, I fucking hate him so much…”

“Want me to egg his car?” she offered, “TP his house? Prank call late at night?” 

He huffed out a laugh and a small smile slanted up one side of his mouth. “You’re such a badass.” 

Rey felt relief flood into her. _At least I got him to smile a little._ “Nobody messes with my man,” she drawled. She put up her dukes and Ben kissed her gratefully. 

_What the hell just happened here?_ Her heartbeat slowed a little as she and Ben walked back to his car, chatting carefully about everything but what had just happened. The seed of worry in her brain bloomed into full grown anxiety. _I’ll talk with him about it later..._  


  



	28. Chapter 28

Later somehow never happened. Between school and prom and everything else... _ and let’s face it. You’re scared. You’re scared to talk about it and what it might mean.  _ Rey tried to ignore that voice when it piped up, usually late at night.

_ Ben seems ok, what good is it if I bring it up? Anyway, it’s one creepy old man what harm can he do?  _

Ben certainly didn’t bring it up either and Rey took that as her cue to let sleeping dogs lie. Later she would wonder how differently everything would’ve been if she’d only talked to Ben. 

***

“Ok one more, over there by the picture window!” Luke waved Rey to the direction he wanted her to go and Rey put up with good humour. He snapped a few more photos as Rey posed and preened in her prom dress. Ben would be here in a few minutes and she knew they’d have to go through the whole rigamarole again. As if on cue the doorbell chimed, Rey dashed to open it. 

Ben stood on the porch in the evening twilight, he was wearing a tuxedo with a white dinner jacket. His eyes widened when he saw Rey. 

“Rey...wow. You look beautiful.” He stepped into the foyer. 

Rey felt the pleased blush sweep over her as she smiled.  She was wearing a sleek length of emerald green satin, strapless and simple. The dress was cut on the bias and the material hugged her modest curves quite becomingly. It was timeless and as soon as she’d put it on Rose had snapped her fingers and declared, “That’s it. That’s the dress.” 

She’d allowed Rose free rein with her hair and she’d worked retro magic. Her hair lay in soft glamorous waves and was pinned back over one ear with a white gardenia. Completing the ensemble were a pair of black evening gloves. 

Ben shyly held out a corsage in a plastic box. Rey held out her wrist as he slid it on, feeling silly yet deeply moved by the enduring sweetness and charm of the gesture. Luke snapping constant photos in the background. They willingly posed for photos, inside and outside. “The light’s better, it’s what photographers call the magic hour right, kid?” Luke teased. 

And it was magic. The early June air was warm and hummed with the sounds of summer twilight. Kids distantly shouting and calling others to play, the drone of distant lawn mowers, the barking of dogs. Ben had washed and freshly waxed his car, and he held the door for her as she climbed into the front, waving to Luke.  The sky was a golden spill of colour filling the windshield, everything seemed soft and gilded with possibility and Rey knew she would remember this night forever. 

After everything, she would catch herself on certain summer evenings and be hit with a wave of nostalgia and bittersweet longing. Nothing after ever rivalled the pure and simple happiness of the time Ben took her to Prom. 

They pulled up to the country club and Rey was surprised to see an honest to god valet. 

Ben saw her look, “Yeah, Coruscant Prom doesn’t do things half assed.” He said as he offered his hand to help her out of the car.  They could hear the sounds of music and laughter from inside. Rey had a very strong overwhelming sensation of being caught in someone else’s life. Like a girl in a book or a movie,  _ here I am going to Prom with the boy of my dreams… _ Her hand securely tucked into the crook of Ben’s elbow, he looked down at her and smiled and she wished she had her camera. She wanted to capture the look of love and pride on his face. 

Together they walked inside. 

***

They found Poe and Rose and Finn at a table. There was a moment of awkwardness, as they stood and looked at each other, kids playing dress-up in fancy clothes. Rose was wearing a deep burgundy velvet dress, slit to the thigh and Finn was in a tux with a matching colour coordinated bow tie and cummerbund. Poe had indeed gotten a very fancy zoot suit complete with a hat and ridiculous chain.  He twirled it and swaggered over to them. 

“Hi-dee-hi-dee-hi, cool cats!” He completed a little spin. 

“You look amazing, Poe.” Rey clapped. 

“Let’s get pictures over with.” Finn said, tugging at the bow tie, “I can’t wait to get this off.” 

Rose pouted. “Leave it on for a few dances at least…”

“Don’t worry about that palooka.” Poe said. “I spent an ungodly amount of money to look this good so I will happily jitterbug with you, you gorgeous dame.” He planted a kiss on Rose’s hand. 

“I think that suit has gone to your head.” she replied but she smiled. 

There was a band and a DJ. The band was a small swing ensemble and they played old big band standards as a few brave souls tried the dance floor. It wasn’t until after the dinner, when the DJ started that more kids packed onto the floor. 

As before at the rave it was mostly Rose, Poe and Rey that danced, although Ben and Finn did join them for a few; Ben mostly shuffling to the beat, clutching his cup of punch like a life preserver. Rey gazed over the sea of students in formal wear, she felt an odd pang of nostalgia.  _ This is really it, I’m done with high school practically...just exams then graduation left.  _ The prevailing mood of the prom was one of celebration but she could see the realization that a chapter was ending on more than a few faces of her classmates. 

On a break from dancing, the friends discussed the most appealing prospect for the after party. There were a couple of big ragers planned, one kid had booked a suite in Camden’s best hotel but none of them really felt like attending. 

“I suppose I’m feeling a bit tired of seeing the same faces even though I know come September I won’t be seeing most of these kids again.” Poe mused. 

“Yeah, I feel that,” said Finn. “I mean there are a bunch of us going to Harvard but you know--” 

Finn had indeed gotten into Harvard much to his mother’s delight and pride. Rose had also gotten in but had surprised them all by accepting a spot at Boston University. Rey knew even with scholarships and loans, Harvard was a bit expensive for Rose’s family. Rose said she’d maybe transfer over later but you could tell she’d reluctantly made what was probably the first ‘adult’ choice of her life. 

“Anyway, it’s not like we won’t have the summer to party with them, if we want.” Rose toyed with her glass of punch. “But tonight I could use a break, anyone want to just head to the beach and hang out? Just us, the famously exclusive and choicest set of individuals Coruscant Academy has ever produced…” 

  
They all quickly agreed. Rose had sussed out their wistful mood and a nighttime trip to the beach sounded perfect to Rey; a chance to wind down and relax with her best friends. Idly she thought of her friends in Arizona.  _ I wonder how their prom is going? It’s been ages since I’ve written or called...I started here convinced I would have the loneliest year of my life and instead I’ve made some of the best friends I’ve ever had and fallen in love. Funny how life works… _ Rey  squeezed Ben’s hand, unable to fully express everything she was feeling. He squeezed her hand reassuringly back. Their future together remained unclear but like any 90’s teen, Rey decided to aggressively not worry about tomorrow.  _ Let tomorrow take care of itself. I have tonight and that’s enough.  _

The DJ must have been inspired by the Swing In Swellagance theme because the rich mellow sounds of brass rose up as Vera Lynn began singing “We’ll Meet Again”. Ben pulled Rey to her feet. “I think I can manage with this song, c’mon Rey. Let’s dance,”  He smiled at her as he led her onto the floor with the other couples. 

“Really? This song? It’s pretty old fashioned.” She held him close in her arms. “And it’s kind of sad, isn’t it?” 

He brushed kisses along her hairline. “I don’t know about that, I just like the song. My mom gave me some basic lessons on the fox trot.” His hands tightened on the small of her back as he led her in the steps of the dance, she could feel their heat through the satin of her gown.  _ That’s so completely him.  _ She thought as she laid her head on his shoulder,  _ what he sees is what he wants to see.  _ Her heart felt strangely heavy as the sweetly sentimental lyrics floated through the air all around them.  _ Woah, it’s a total parade of emotions tonight. Does everyone feel like this at Prom?  _

She closed her eyes and allowed the music to wash over her, gently swaying in Ben’s arms. Trying to hold onto the moment, ignoring the persistent feeling everything was about to change, that despite everything, there would be no chance to meet again for so many dancing here tonight. 

The song played on and the students of Coruscant Academy, Class of 1998, danced under the soft lights as their futures waited outside for them, forgotten temporarily in the wake of Prom and high school’s end.   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the delay in posting. I am getting back to work after a delightful summer off, and I am determined to finish this story tout suite. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and commenting. I treasure and hoard them like a nerdy dragon.


	29. Chapter 29

Rose was the one who finally pulled the pin. 

“I’m more than ready for a change of pace. We can have a bonfire and just chill. I’m kind of partied out anyway.” She said as she pulled off her heels and rubbed her feet. 

“I’m game.” Poe said. “Adventure calls and I am duty bound to answer.” 

They gathered their things and headed out. The lights and sounds of the Prom followed them out the door as they left but they didn’t look back. The fun was wherever they were and they were going to the beach. 

There was no full moon but the June night was clear and cloudless. The stars glittered down at the five of them as they sat round a roaring bonfire on the beach. The night air was cool but not cool enough to require such a huge fire but Rey and Rose couldn’t dissuade the boys from building a giant pile of driftwood and setting it ablaze. 

“Woman! I will have my fire. You dragged me out here, now let me burn shit. My inner man demands it.” Finn said.

“Does your inner man walk with his knuckles dragging on the ground?” Rose replied saucily.

“Yep. And he might even throw you over his shoulder and drag you back to his cave.” Finn pretended to chase after Rose who retreated, giggling. 

Rey sat leaning companionably against Ben who had his arm around her in an echo of the first time they were on the beach together.  She sighed deeply.

“So was Prom everything you hoped it would be?” he asked.

“Yes and no…” 

He waited for her to finish her thought. 

“It was fun and everything...the dancing was nice. But it seems like people make such a huge deal about it. Like it’s some epic life defining event…”

“Yeah, I get it. You know who I noticed? The teachers who had to chaperone.” he said

“What about them?”

“Well how many Proms have they been to? Standing there listening to music they probably hate--or at the very least--don’t know. Making sure nobody gets too drunk or crazy but looking the other way just enough so they can get a little drunk and crazy…”

“I never thought about that before.” she admitted. 

“Year after year, seeing teenagers come and go...while you’re stuck there. It sounds kind of--”

“Hellish?” she laughed.

“Well, Hell is other people, according to Sarte.”

“My my, didn’t we get all deep and philosophical all of a sudden.”  She felt a vague foreboding. 

 “I guess…” Ben stared into the fire offering nothing. Rey felt the need to say something, anything rising up her throat like bile. 

“College is just around the corner, we’ll be out of Camden soon enough…” 

He nodded, distracted and, more alarmingly, silent. He’d been growing quieter and quieter as the end of the year approached. Rey felt the wall he was putting up getting higher and higher.  _ I have to shake him out of this funk.  _ Inspiration struck as she looked across the fire at Rose, Finn and Poe chatting and laughing, seeing the sweat from the too hot fire gleaming on their skin. 

She stood up suddenly.  _ Not gonna think too hard about this or I’ll lose my nerve.  _

“Last one in’s a rotten egg!” she said as her hand found the zipper of her dress and she slithered gracefully out of it, quickly stepping out of her heels. She tossed the dress over the log she and Ben were sitting in, turning back to see the stunned expressions of her friends across the fire as she stood there in her strapless bra and panties. 

“Rey! What?--” Rose exclaimed before Poe jumped up and started stripping. 

“Midnight swim!” He cried. “The gauntlet has been thrown and never let it be said Poe Dameron backs away from a challenge.” He was quickly in his boxers. “C’mon guys, don’t leave us hanging…”

“This is crazy!” Rose squealed. She looked over at Ben, “Seriously! You know how cold it’s going to be.” 

Ben was watching her standing in the firelight. An indefinable expression crossed his face but like a passing cloud over the sun, his face cleared and he bent and pulled off his dress shoes and socks then he stood and pulled off his pants. He looked at Finn who was shaking his head. 

“No! Uh uh...no way. There could be sharks.” he said.

“We don’t have to go in far,” Ben said as he finished undressing.

“It’s ok. Let Finn chicken out,” Poe smirked. “We know who the real men are here.” 

As soon as the word chicken was out Finn was already rising to shrug out of his jacket. He smiled at Poe. “I’m dunking your ass, homie. Get ready.” 

That just left Rose. 

“C’mon Rose, we all have to, together.” Rey said. She didn’t know why it had to be all of them she just knew that it did. 

Rose threw up her hands and stood up, “This is insane. Alright, unzip me please.” she turned her back to Finn. 

They all stood there in their underwear, bodies glowing in the firelight. With some unspoken signal they all linked hands and dashed across the sand and ran into the dark ocean. The icy shock of the water took Rey’s breath away, she heard yelps and swears from the others too. 

She dove into the black water, the frigid slap of immersion was painful but once she was under it was merely cold and silent. She swam a few strokes deeper, eyes open but seeing nothing, her ears full of the rush and hiss of the ocean, the muted sounds of her friends. She surfaced with a gasp, slicking her hair back off her face and waded over to Ben. He grabbed at her and swung her through the water. 

“You’re insane!” he said. She could feel the goosebumps on his biceps as he drew her towards him for a kiss. The heat of his mouth was a pleasing contrast to the chill of his lips. She could taste the salt water as his tongue stroked over hers. 

She shivered and not just from the night air on her wet skin. For a terrible moment when his mouth met hers she felt a horrible premonition, the cold feel of his lips had made her think--she pushed the thought away and joined in the horseplay as they splashed and screamed in delight in the waist deep water. 

They only lasted about half an hour before the frigid water and the call of the fire drew them back again. This time they sat quietly, letting the warmth dry them as it soaked into their limbs. Rey felt the pleasant kind of tired that comes from physical exertion and laughter. She sat between Ben’s legs as he idly toyed with her drying hair. Her mind drifted back to what she’d refused to think about earlier.  _ For a second when he kissed me--it was as if he were gone and lost to me.  _ She shivered and Ben squeezed her shoulders.

“You ok?” 

She looked up at him, the love and simple concern in his eyes moved her beyond words. She nodded against the sharp prick of tears and looked back at the fire. 

_ Everything is fine, you’re just acting silly, don’t invite trouble when there’s none to be found. Everything’s fine--we’re fine. Don’t be ridiculous.  _

Still, she couldn’t quite repress another shiver and clutched Ben’s fingers gratefully when he draped his suit jacket around her shoulders. 


	30. Chapter 30

It seemed the closer they got to the end the faster things happened. Rey felt like her time at Coruscant was an hourglass and the last few moments of sand were sliding speedily through; she was counting down the final few grains that were exams, yearbook signatures, senior class activity day and the last grain to fall, graduation. 

Rey felt propelled towards a future that still seemed hazy and unclear. She and Ben spent just as much time together as before, but there had been no real conversations. Exams loomed and they spent all their free time reviewing and studying. Oddly, the lack of any definite idea of what might happen, to them, to their relationship allowed her to exist in the moment. _Exams are using up all the oxygen in the room we might use to discuss our future after this summer. Which is fine with me…_

Rey looked up from her Chemistry textbook and watched Ben study. He ran his hands through his hair when he was thinking deeply about anything and currently it stuck up in little tufts and whorls. She leaned across the library table and gently combed it straight again. Ben smiled and leaned into her touch, never pausing from his reading. _We know each other so well. I can’t imagine what my life would’ve been like without him. What it might be like in the fall, when we go to college._ Rey made an effort to focus on her exam review. Chemistry was an unforgiving mistress and suffered not relationship worries. 

 _I’m sure we have nothing to worry about but_ that _is a conversation I am willing to backburner._

_***_

Rey strolled out of the gym and stretched in the late morning June sunshine. Ben was sitting under a tree waiting for her, reading. He’d finished his exams two days ago. This was Rey’s last exam. Then next week was the Graduation ceremony and that was it. _Stick a fork in high school; it’s done._ Rey looked over at Ben, he wasn’t even aware she was walking towards him. This was the happy kind of engrossed though; the awkward distance and his pensive silences had faded. _It must have been the stress of exams and graduation._

“Hey, Hot stuff.” she called. 

He looked up.“Hey, yourself.”

He marked his place in the book--some dreary memoir about a nineteenth century political somebody or other. Rey grinned when the thought occurred that she could dive into her stack of ‘fun reads’ that currently sat neglected on her bedside table. She was free! 

“How’d it go?” he asked. Rey’s last exam was in Calculus. 

“2+2 equals 5, right?” She tilted her head and adopted a confused expression. 

Ben leaned in and kissed her, “I dunno, I’m a Poly-Sci major...you do the Math.” 

She returned his kiss and grabbed his butt playfully, “That’s right, I do the Math. I did the Math and I crushed the Math!” she yodelled happily. 

He hugged her and spun her around. “Beauty and brains, ladies and gentlemen, my girlfriend has it all. She’s gonna earn the big bucks. Keep me in the style to which I would very much like to become accustomed.” 

Rey grinned up at him from the circle of his arms. “And you keep on being my pretty arm candy and I’ll see what I can do, Big Ben.” 

“Ooo I think I will enjoy being a kept man.” He dropped a kiss on her nose. “Ice cream to celebrate?” 

She scrunched up her nose and smiled, “Ice cream to celebrate is always a yes from me!”

A huge weight had lifted from her shoulders. _Ben and I have the whole summer to spend together and these are not the words of a boy planning to break up with his girlfriend…_

For the first time in ages, Rey was entirely free of worry. After, while tinged with bitterness, this moment was seared in her memory as a perfect time, one of the best moments of her teenage years. A nothing moment between two people who loved each other but all the sweeter and more precious for its ordinariness. 

Ben slung his arm around her neck and they walked in the sunshine towards his car, she was smiling up at him and he grinned down at her and dropped a kiss on her head. 

***

Summer--true summer arrived in Maine like a benediction. 

The town started to fill up with summer people. Although the true crush of tourists wouldn’t arrive until mid July. Rey mentally chuckled to herself. _I think I’m turning into a townie, calling them summer people._ Even as she cursed the increased traffic and bodies on the beach. 

Today, she and Ben had plans to spend a lazy day, just lounging at their favourite hidden cove--one the tourists didn’t know about when he had called to cancel that morning. “You ok?” concern creeping into her voice. His voice sounded rough on the phone. 

“Yeah. Just a summer cold I think. Listen, I have to go. My mom...” he trailed off as his voice choked. 

“Ben? Are you sure you’re ok. I could come by, play sexy nurse for you.” She teased. 

He cleared his throat, “No. I don’t want to get you sick and I’m just beat. I’m going back to bed.”

“Ok, feel better.”

“...Uh-huh. I love you, Rey.

He sounded really bad, his voice stifled and thick. 

“Love you too. Are you sure you--”

He hung up and she stared at the phone, thinking; it wasn’t until the idiot hum of the dial-tone switching to the monotonous dah-dah-dah of the off-hook warning jolted her out of her pondering that she guiltily replaced the receiver in the cradle. 

_He said he was sick, stop assuming the worst…_

Luke came into the kitchen, slipping off his gardening gloves. “Hey kiddo, what’s up. I thought you were going to the beach today with Ben?”

“He’s sick--summer cold--he had to cancel.” She said this in a hearty gosh-darn-it tone, wanting it to be true. 

“If that’s the case, feel like helping me in the garden.” he wheedled. 

_I do not. I want to jump in my car and check on Ben--because I could’ve sworn I thought he was crying_

Instead she mustered up a grin and pasted it on her face. “Sure, happy to help.” 

***

Ben was sick for two more days and kept putting off Rey’s attempts to see him. She was to the point of just marching up to the house and demanding entrance--germs be damned, when Ben called and asked if he could come over. She felt frantic relief and agreed at once. 

Luke had gone out to run some errands so they had the house to themselves. Rey took Ben by the hand and led him upstairs to her bedroom. 

He cocked a surprised brow, “Pretty sure Luke would skin me alive if he caught me up here.” he said as he paused outside her door.

“He’s out. We have time.” She pulled him across the threshold and pushed him onto the bed, slipping his messenger bag off his shoulder. 

“School’s over, why do you have this?” she said and went to look inside. He placed a hand on it and pushed it further back on the bed.

“Just some library books I need to return.” he murmured. 

Rey straddled his lap and twined her arms around his neck. “I can think of better things to do than reading.” 

Ben kissed her for a long moment but then his hands lifted her off his lap and placed her on the bed beside him. _What’s going on..._ Rey felt a cold hand of apprehension reach in and twist her guts. 

Trying to make the best of it she smiled and brushed his hair back, “Penny for your thoughts?” she teased, forcing the words past the lump in her throat. He sat slumped staring at her wall, hands dangling loosely between his thighs. Rey felt that cold hand give another wrench deep inside.

“Ben, what’s wrong?” her throat clicked nervously. 

The silence stretched on and Rey felt her heart pause then lurch painfully in her chest, thumping faster.

“Babe, please talk to me...you’re worrying me. You must really be sick if you don’t wanna fool around, huh?” She tried to joke, but her voice felt weak and flat.  When he looked at her, eyes rolling to look up at her like a dog struck by a car--pleading with her to be put out of his misery. She felt herself shaking her head in negation. 

“Rey…” 

_No, he can’t--he wouldn’t…_

“I don’t know how to say this. I know whatever I say will be meaningless.” He tried to take her hand and she snatched it back. 

“Then don’t--just don’t.” She wrapped her arms around her midsection, clutching at the cold that lived there now. He kept on talking despite her warning to stop.

“I’m leaving for Georgetown, You’re going to Columbia...well--” He swallowed and tried to school his features into a semblance of practicality. She felt like screaming. “I think we should break up. Give ourselves time, during the summer… to, you know…” His hand played idly with the hem of his t-shirt. A distant part of her mind remembered being with him, laughing with him, when they went to buy it. Just a silly date at the mall. Her eyes blurred with hot tears, she felt them spill down her cheeks. _No more dates at the mall for us now. No more us._  

“Ben, please. Why are you doing this?” She didn’t care if it sounded like begging. A hole had opened up in her world, she would do anything to fill it. He turned to face her on the bed, this time she let him take her hand. He squeezed it gently and she saw the tears tracing down his cheeks too. 

 _Look at us, what a pair of crybabies..._ The idiot part of her brain was noticing everything now--now that her time with Ben was finite. 

“I’m so sorry. I love you. But--”

“But what! We don’t have to break up. I can come and visit...lots of couples manage long distance college relationships…” She was trying for reasonable now. She’d be calm and persuasive and they could get past this, they--” She swiped at her face, furious at the tears that made her seem weak and needy. She saw the pity in his face then. Rage boiled inside her, rushing up and out. She clamped her hands tight on his.

“No! You don’t get to fucking _do this_ , Ben. You don’t. You tell me. You tell me why! Why are you doing this?” Her voice spiralled up and up. “People who love each other don’t do this! You can’t you can’t!” 

He tried to draw her to him, to calm and contain her rage and sorrow. But it had a hold of her now, she felt the sick beat of it in her blood. She jumped up and paced in front of him. 

He reached for her but she dodged and whirled to face him.

“You. Tell. Me. Why!” The last was a shriek, a howl of anguish. 

Ben stood and faced her, mute. He could only shake his head, grief twisting his face, the mouth she kissed so many times, a rictus of despair now.  

“It’s me, isn’t it?” her voice broke open on a flood of sobs.

“Rey. No. no.” He was there, arms around her. She clutched at him. A wild hope that her tears had convinced him when her words could not. That this was all some kind of horrid joke. 

“You’re so much better than me, you deserve so much more. There will be someone else…” he said and the fact he was trying to throw himself on the sword made her wild. 

“I don’t want anyone else. I want you!” She shook him, trying to make him see. If he could only understand he was killing her now with his fucking stupid logic. 

“I can’t, Rey. I can’t. I’m not good for you.” His hands in her hair, stroking and soothing. She slapped at him again, fuming he was aiming for nobility, to being the bigger person. 

“No. Fuck you, Ben. You don’t get to decide what I want or need.” She shoved him and he stumbled back, knocking his messenger bag off the bed onto the floor. The top flapped open and several glossy black and white photos slid free. Curious, Rey reached for them.

“No. Don’t!” Ben’s voice was sharp but she didn’t care. She plucked them up, knowing in her heart that this was a poison fruit but unable to resist. He went to take them from her and she stilled him with a savage glare. She flipped through them. _It will be terrible, it’s going to be him and some other girl...but that will be survivable. I can hate him for it when that happens._

But it wasn’t. She shook her head, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. It was her. _Who’s taking photos of me? Did Ben do this_? 

A photo of her leaving school, looking over her shoulder and laughing at something Poe said.

A photo of her exiting her car--downtown somewhere.

A photo of her taken through the front window of her house, reading by lamplight

A photo of her walking with Ben, his arm slung over her shoulder. 

She recognized the last photo; it had to have been taken last week just after Rey finished her exam. It would have been a perfect shot. The kind of photo people framed and put on their mantlepiece--apart from the huge red X that had been slashed through her face. 

“What?” Her voice was hoarse and she swallowed and tried again. “Ben, what is this?” 

He lunged forward and grabbed them from her, he shook them in her face, shouting. 

“What is this?” he mocked furiously and she felt herself grow still and watchful. “Only exactly what I feared--what I _fucking knew_ would happen, Rey.” Was there a slight undertone of glee--a told you so hectoring--in his voice. Rey supposed there was. If he couldn’t be noble she knew he could be spiteful--anything to keep himself from feeling hurt. 

“Snoke.” It wasn’t a question. It was as she feared, in a way it was a relief. Knowing exactly what they were up against. It was out in the open now. 

“Yes. Snoke!” Ben stared fixedly at the photo of the two of them, at the ugly red mark. “I knew it was going to happen as soon as he saw us downtown together. He phoned me a few days later to ask me again to join him on his campaign. He asked after you Rey, he said, ‘be sure to give my regards to your lovely girl, Ben.’ He used to say that when he wanted me to know who I was to go after, he used to say, ‘give them my regards’. I knew it was a threat. I tried to ignore it…”

Rey knew then why Ben had been so distant and silent those last weeks of school. 

Ben gestured with the marked photo. He must have been watching you for weeks. He saw I wasn’t going to do what he wanted. I found these photos in my car three days ago.”

“You weren’t sick.” she knew that already, she just had to say it out loud. He’d lived with these terrible photos for three days. 

He knew exactly how--” Ben’s voice choked. He looked at her, tears swimming in his eyes. “He knew how to get to me, how to hurt me.” Rey crossed to him and then she was the one holding him as he broke down weeping. He gasped and wept onto her shoulder and she bore him up, stroking his back, murmuring meaningless words of comfort. 

“Ben. it’s ok. It’s ok. Don’t worry. We’ll fix it.” And she was confident they would, in fact she was already envisioning the way they would tell Ben’s parents--they’d call the police, she would tell Luke and he would tear down mountains to punish Snoke. Her imaginings were cut short as Ben stilled in her arms and straightened, swiping the unlovely mess of tears and snot from his face. She smiled at him. Everything would be ok now. 

“So do you want to go tell your parents now or do we wait for Luke to come home and all meet up?” she asked. 

He frowned. She ignored the thread of unease and kept talking. _Prattling now--but isn’t that the way of it, we’ve had a huge shock--some prattling can be expected._

“I mean, whatever you think is the best course of action. Obviously, he can’t get away with it. He’s blackmailing you and he basically threatened my life. I know he’s a local bigwig but c’mon, he’s stalking me.” 

Ben was mute, breathing heavily as his thumb riffled the edges of the photos. She reached for them and he held them up out of her reach and her heart sank. 

“No, Rey. We can’t tell anyone. You don’t know, Snoke. You have no idea what he’s capable of.” 

“Well he’s capable of bullying a teenager into dumping his girlfriend in some lame attempt to protect her.” she huffed. This was ridiculous. _Why won’t he see reason?_

“I have to protect you, Rey. I--I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you.” No nobility now, only misery in his tone. 

“Nothing will happen. And I’m perfectly able to protect myself.” She snapped, aware of the contradiction but too mad to care. 

“You don’t know what he’s like, the things he’s done...what he’s asking--” Ben said bitterly and his shoulders slumped, he stood defeated, clutching the photos.

“For fucks sake Ben, he’s only an old man. A creepy old man who’s let a Selectmen position in a backwater Maine town go to his head...he’s not a supervillain!”  she laid a tentative hand on his arm, “Trust me, he won’t get away with it. We can stop him. Please Ben.” 

For a moment, as she felt the trembling in his arm--like gripping a high tension wire--she thought he would see reason.  That this would be fixed and they would prevail and later--much later--they would laugh about it, together. 

But he shot her a look, as bleak and as dead as the surface of the moon, and she knew he was lost to her. 

She let go of him then and stood trying to hold all the pieces of herself together as he quickly gathered his things and left, shutting her bedroom door softly behind him. 

She stood for a moment. Looking around her room, at all the mundane bits and things that were memories of him and her, of the year they spent together, of their love. 

And she fell to her knees and curled up around her pain and wept. 

When Luke came home later and found her there, he stood her up and put her to bed. As if she were a child again. Telling him what had happened was a knife in the wound again, twisting. He said nothing, only rubbed her back until she was wrung out and numb, cried out for now. Finally, he tucked her in and brought her tea she couldn’t drink. She lay staring at the ceiling until her tired and wounded mind and heart relented, and she slipped into a fretful sleep.   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the Pain Train has pulled into the station. All aboard, ladies and gentlemen...


End file.
